Saturday, 29 December 2012

Sassy Portrait

Sassy Portrait by Donna Barr Copyright Julie Vaux.

Please mention BOTH Me and Donna when you share this image!

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Goullawk Gallery

The Goullawk Queen has asked her humble scribe to beseech visitors to consider becoming regular readers to Temporal Pests as she reads the stats over my shoulder and she's well she is a DRAGONoid sooo

Here's three interpretations of how Her Majesty appears two by me one by another artist.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

NOT Naked Feline Guy

Unfortunately NOTnaked Feline Guy sleathily moved through the garden and into the kitchen. The ladies and one small boy present were greeting two new arrivals.

Sassy and Goldie had arrived.

"SO my future self warned us to pick passengers from Edinburgh and Botswana and travel here. We left Lady Zenshipper parked on the commons disguised as a storage shed for gardening equipment and oh look at that clock! Isabel your ethical dilemna should be arriving any second now!

Feline Guy unfortunately NOTnaked leapt out of the kitchen into the living room brandishing a knive in one hand and grabbing Sassy by her collar with the other.

"Nothing personal Ladies but I have a contract to keep!"

Goldie shriekd and lifted her tail ready to slap him with her what she referred to as her "very powerful and sexy flukes and why I can't get people volunteering to portray them I just don't know!"

"Young man who are you contracted to? Perhaps we can outbid them?"

Notnaked Feline Guy moved the knife closer to Sassy's throat.

"I can't tell you what the contract price was. That's part of the contract!"

"Who did they threaten TB?" Your cats? " asked Sassy trying to wiggle loose.

Tomkat prepared to plunge the knife into Sassy's chest but dropped it as an saxophone swung up and hit him from behind and below!

Bertie smiled. He was really enjoying his big adventure!

The ladies piled onto Tomkat and restrained him with curtains a crocheted couch cover and duct tape but graciously and offering him a cup of tea afterwards!

Worst of all they gave him a group hug.

Then Isabel addressed him.

"Now young man I'm a trained philosopher in ethics and I also know logic so logically even if your contract bans you from telling us how to outbid whoever is employing you you could use sign language."

Tomkat smiled grimly and tipped his head towards Bertie.

"A child?"

Tomkat shook his head and mouthed the words "THREAT TO".

Fortunately one of those present could lipread.

"Threat to a child?" asked Isabel

"Oh Tomkat not tomkit! They found tomkit!" cried Sassy.

"Well that explains the note help an ethical dilemna find a kitten!" she exclaimed.

Tomkat just slumped back and the couch and cried softly and silently.

Next time what ever happened to Lori?

 You get two episodes this week as a xmas present!

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

A Happy Advent

A Happy Advent

Two new arrivals to Respite Street from Edinburgh.

Suddenly the sound of a saxophone swept down the street. It was being played by a small boy who was being chaperoned by an attractive middle aged woman.

The cyborgs turned to face them.


"Residents of Edinburgh.
Participants in popular best selling novel series.
Alert Incoming!"

 A traditionally built African lady from yet another best selling series appeared along with her friend and her husband and his apprentices ALL HOLDING screwdrivers cutting torches and determined expressions.

"Alert Alert Alert
Botswana's finest mechanic and private detectives!
Implement Strategy 36!
Retreat! Withdraw! Emergency! Run! Stomp! March! Levitate! FLee!"

Afternoon tea resumed amongst the women while the men folk put up some barricades using furnishings donated by Grace's husband just in case Reg and Her Inside's relatives and clones returned.

Unfortunately another threat was watching them from the back yard.

Next time we make Notnaked Feline Guy "Tomkat" and no connection to Tom Cruise CRY!

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Xmas 2012 CArds Questions and Requests

Here's a Xmas E-card for my readers while I finish the next chapter!

By the way did you know you can get updates on when the next episode gets uploaded by following me on twitter @scholara

Yes you may share it !

Christmas Wish suggestion howsabout some of my visitors become followers?

Seriously my blog stats say most of my visitors are from the USA or Russia.

Who are you!? I'ld like to know?

And will someone please use the paypal tipjar and ignore the stupid sexy asian girls ad if its still showing after I change the tags?

Thursday, 13 December 2012

The Battle of Respite Street

#fanfic reedited 2014  #drwho #london #urbanfantasy

The Battle of Respite Street
and how Reg met Her Inside!

In a certain Street in East London people were having afternoon tea along with their underlings and significant others.

The civil sorcerer was there and his apprentice and his wife carrying a voilin case.

Her Inside was serving tea in cups to them and iced tea in a glass with a straw to her husband Reg when the doorbell rung. The apprentice picked up his iphone and activated the scanner.

"No signs of entity activity!"

Her Inside moved towards the door.

"Wait a minute!" cried the apprentice, "no sign of human activity either!
Who or what is knocking on the door?"

That question was ansnwered by the door being smashed in. Well half the door the bottom was kicked in and the top disintegrated.

Out on the front path and street was a small squadron of cyborgs, consisting of  two types of very British cyborgs, the ones with silver skins and the ones that have been compared to condiment servers.

"Oh dear," shuddered Her Inside, "our relatives and inlaws have formed an alliance."

Other doors and windows were being smashed and destroyed along the street.

The Two largest cyborgs made an announcment.

"All residents will gather for processing. Illegal migrants will be returned to their correct continuum. Others will serve and obey. OBEY!"

(Note of rnewer readers this is a rebump from a series
Most of Respite Street's resident have escaped or are visiting from their universes to hide or vacation in ours!)

"Da@#k Reg You are not authorized to reside here! Report for punishment!"

"Cyborg Her! Remove those clothes and report for processing and repairs."

"NO" shouted Reg and Her together.

"We will not go back to being things and toys! "

"Obey or be destroyed now!"


Young Robert's wife opened her violin case.

"Ah yes their audio receptors are a weak point!" observed Dr. A,

"Everyone human move to the back of the house.

I'm sorry Her and Reg this may hurt you too if it works!"

Agent M begun to play and time slowed down.

The cyborgs stopped and then advanced again but slowly and raising weapon arms.

M changed the pace of her music.

The cyborgs begun to shake and shudder.

 Nearby cats and dogs and other animals shrieked.

A giant spider in a workshop under Hampstead Heath dropped a needle and moaned.

(Read #BenedictJacka !)

Her Inside struggled to embrace her husband one last minute annd asked him,

"Remember how we met?"

"Yes refugees in the therapist's offices at Teckelstein, "answered Reg, "You were a vision in silver amongst all those softbodies and you turned and asked me Your First Time here too and you reached out and touched me with such delicacy.
You touched and I felt you smile inside and my soul grow stronger.

"I love you!" they shouted in unison as the music reached a crescendo and the other cyborgs still advanced.

The cyborgs were screaming at them.

"Illogical Dysfunctional Not a real Da#$K Irrelevant Emotional !
You will not be processed! You will be destroyed!"

The violinist tried a different tune, that of a famous hymn.

Those who could sing joined the music with the words of Amazing Grace.

The cyborgs shuddered and stalled again and shrieked,

" Analysis Psionic weaponry Possibilites  Empathy Resonator Device Sonic Disruptor Psychic Ampilifier Strategy Destroy the violin!"

Then a small boy appeared with a musical instrument.

To be continued !

Monday, 10 December 2012

Afternoon Tea

Afternoon Tea with Bamfs and PR

Sassy barked an important announcement.

"Okay everyone according to my notes we have a BIG fight scene coming up so we're going to break for afternoon tea or coffee or whatever you drink, non-alcoholic, please!"

And now we're ignoring the Fourth Wall! Again!

Now for a direct appeal from our characters!

Ladies and Gentle Beings our scribe has gotten somewhat distracted by her annnual frenzy of almost useless prexmas PR for card and gift design.

We keep telling her she should just focus on us but then she despairing looks at the Google stats and glares at us and then despairing looks at the lack of sales or PayPal donations and then logs off the computer and does some boring and mundane chore like pay a bill or cook or wash clothes sooo please remember to tell your friends and family to visit temporal pests or one of our scribes other sites like or

oh yes we nearly forget the scribe is glaring at us by the way

our scribe works casually so she gets NO vacation pay and the local college just ended its term so no work for six weeks so please think about visiting those sites and helping her with some PR okay

Now back to Afternooon Tea.

One of the reasons people were willing to work for and with Sassy and Goldie was that Lady Zen Shipper had some amazing recipes in her replicator and some wonderful goodies in storage.

Real Italian Gelato served in Ming dynasty porcelain bowls.

Japanese tea sweets. A choice of ice or hot tea green or "black".

Freshly baked scones with REAL cream and jam.

Tiny but delicious little dumplings and pastries and small but intensely flavorsome chocolates.

And real picnic rugs scattered with cushions and parasols for thos ewho needed them.

Fluvia and girls from Pasadena were pouring tea for the others and even the B$%fs
were behaving after an initial attempt to swarm and grab all the cake at all had been stopped by Fluvia heroicly cooing "Who needs a group hug?"

She had briefly disappeared into a swarm of B$%fs until the other ladies girls and women present grabbed a few B$%fs each and helped her with the group hug.

Now sated with affection and cakes the B%^Fs were being also adorable and were walking around the picnicers offering plates and platters of food.

"How many things are left on this list?" asked Fluvia.

"We're about half way through it both time and item wise!" replied Sassy.

Next time what's happening elsewhere.

Monday, 3 December 2012

Doing the Time Warp

Wow 35 posts okay for those who have only visited recently let's do the time warp and take you back to the beginning ...

Temporal Pests ONE Copyright Julie Vaux 2012


In Which We meet Two Rather Unusual Little People and Some of Their Many Friends and Enemies.

There are places within the Multiverse, which are both in and outside of what some call the eleven dimensions of space-time and others an infinite standing wave. In these “between” places you can move and exist beyond the normal limits of sentient perception. Some folk call them spatio-temporal nodes, other shadow knots, or shimmer points, or stranger names. If you are there, then you can be and go almost anywhere, and yet also any when, for they are the places where time-slips and trans-dimensional gates manifest in densely woven clusters, instead of as scattered anomalies.

This particular one would look to most humans, when moving towards it, like a flower of many petals with each petal being a slightly different color. The colors move through the entire spectrum of possible radiation. Imagine also that this blossom has no stem and its petals rotate around what looks like a circle made of many tangents joining, with lines formed by waves converging in and out of existence.

Some of those lines flow into the petals in a way that suggests those petals are an illusion caused by the convergence of tangents and merely areas of stillness within a pattern of waves. The lines or pistils quiver endlessly like a harp string vibrating in such a way you see one primary string and several others at the same time. Perhaps they are echoes of cosmic or quantum strings.

Look closer and you will see that the petals seem to be joined by silver wire. Come even closer and you will the silver wire is multi-stranded. Here and there structures are attached to each strand and there are objects moving around those structures. You may also see shapes that suggest doors and gates, or mirrors, round, square, sealed, and open. Through these structures a variety of beings move. Some of them are humanoid and wear coverings suggesting uniforms. Others are not remotely humanoid, occasionally biped, and probably sentient.

Two of the non humanoid beings, who were definitely not two-limbed but allegedly sentient, depending on who you asked, and what experiences they had previously with them, were being forcibly placed into an enclosure in one of these structures, being thrown within actually, to accompanying bellows of, “AND STAY IN THERE!” A force-field sealed the enclosure to the protesting yelps and argles of two peculiar beings.

The one who yelped was female and looked like a Standard Red Long haired dachshund of impeccable bloodlines and powerful elegance. She appeared to be the sort of dachshund that occupants of the darkest densest forests of central Europe, from the smallest hare up to massive wild boars, hide from, shivering, as they hear the pack sniffling after them. This variety of Terran canine, also hunts and stalks small dangerous (well to canid livers) items like chocolate Lamingtons and Anzac biscuits. They also do population control for edible pests, like rats, and their range of predation varies upwards in scale to much larger prey, like time lost dinosaurs, and those dragons of the kith and darkling kin, whose behaviour gave more honorable dragons a bad reputation, and possibly also bandersnatchi and even stranger beasts and brutes.

The other female looked like the result obtained, if someone, who really should not have been allowed near genetic engineering devices, had created a cross between a small dragonoid and a seal, with more than a dash of otter and goldfish, but no visible scales or fur. A large finned tail curved into a torso which had two front flippers and the whole body was covered with a skin that seemed to shimmer as if scaled but also had a soft satiny texture. This torso narrowed into a long slender neck topped by a head and muzzle that tapered and split into four digits at the end, giving this being a rather snaggly smile. She had “teeth” or fangs or claws at the end of each flexible "finger".

The designer or creator was apparently fixated on using pink, gold, and purple, and their creation also appeared to be wearing purple makeup outlining its mouth parts and eyes, and was currently wearing glitter covered sunglasses, that a certain Aussie dame would have adored. Or possibly someone had carefully applied make-up? Certainly several individuals had expressed a wish to find out where Goldie, a.k.a. Gilda Dragonides, bought her make-up although with the aim of having her banned from shopping from wherever that was.

Sassy the canid member of this duet, shook out her fur, and snapped and snarled.
“Honestly I so did NOT do graffiti on the Sphinx of “Sassy was here!” in gold glitter! Like practically every one else has but not moi! That poor bulge of rock has been hacked at and scribbled on by Aliens, Atlanteans, Egyptians, Greeks, and oh yes, was it Napoleon’s army who used it for target practise? BUT NOT ME! Honestly if the Sphinx really was an alien construct they should have made it a robot so it can get up and walk into the desert away from all those vandals!”

The small dragonoid by her side argled in agreement making Goullawk utterances that translated into English as, “Yes, they even blamed us for some stuff we haven’t done, as if we would do anything like that, when we were busy doing other things, like transporting Frodo and Gandalf into that producer’s office! Teehee! And then we took those Kaledian mutant cyborgs to …”

“Quiet!” hissed Sassy, “You want more reality violations added to the list! We’re just going to have to stay here and behave until Uncle Gus bails us out! He’ll understand why we couldn’t resist sooling that gene construct based on a giant mutant lizard onto the Capital of a certain evil galactic mega-corp. So a few people got probably mmm ….”

“Squashed?!” squealed Goldie gleefully, “but they were evil clone slavers!”

Sassy sighed and lay down carefully arranging herself in the infamous “I’m so elegant and innocent so how could you believe I would do that?” position of head resting on crossed forelegs and slightly raised brow ridges with relaxed ears. Goldie copied her with differing results as a Goullawk with drooping ear fins but raised eye ridges lying down looks more a pathetic abandoned bath toy.

Goullawks vary considerably in size, according to age, gender, and diet. Goldie’s size could perhaps best be described as lap dragon although other Goullawks have been mistaken for traditional Celtic monsters of sea loch and shore.

After a while Sassy, being naturally optimistic cheered up and whispered to Goldie.
“They still haven’t found out where we parked Lady Zen Shipper so we can still have more adventures once Uncle Gus gets us out of here!”

Goldie argled a question, “Why hasn’t Uncle Gus bailed us out yet?”

“Uncle Gus will come and get us!” replied Sassy, “I’m one of his favorite grand-nieces!”

Goldie hakkegled a question, “mmm he has about three hundred grand nieces?”

“But he only has one me!” replied Sassy proudly tilting her muzzle.

This display of self-esteem was interrupted by noises from outside.

Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot, and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.

“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.

 “Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.

Sassy started towards her doppelganger.

“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.

 “You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”

“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”

Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them. Sassy and Goldie looked fretfully at each other.

 “Now would be a good time to go home?” burbled Goldie who proceeded to flipper walk away from Sassy.

Sassy sat there for a moment still stunned by seeing herself. What had her doppelganger meant? Get help? This wasn’t her problem. This was an opportunity to escape?

Goldie not hearing the swash of fur behind or next to her turned around and hakkergled,
 “Hello is this that temporal flashie thing that being who looked like you talked about?”

She waddled back and nudged Sassy with her snout, blattering her eyelids, (a movement like fluttering but faster almost a flickering) and blurbled, “Hello Galpal Goldie to Super Sassy! Time to go, Go! GO!”

Sassy shook herself. “Yes let’s go find an active portal or a quantum tunnel and reach Lady Zen Shipper!”

 They trotted down the corridor, two small figures unnoticed amidst a confusion and commocion (a lovely Spanish word overdue to be borrowed into English) of giant, medium, and small sized, killer robots, evil cyborgs of several kinds, wicked druids and fashionistas, and various hooded and caped figures, and many individuals of several genders wearing the sort of tailored clothing that says I’m rich, powerful and probably have a dubious grasp of basic ethics along with dodgy dress sense! Yes the forces of evil were partying! Some of them even wore outfits that were actually tastefully frightening!

Along the way Sassy and Goldie trotted past some of the individuals from the various Time Space Patrols and Temporal Bureaus and other such agencies, who had placed them in the holding area to await judgement. A small group of humans in a variety of uniforms and suits were kneeling behind a console firing rayguns, bazookas, energy rifles, flechette guns, and just plain bullets, at an advancing cacophonic chaos of caped figures, fiends, and their cronies, devices, lackeys and hench-folk.

Sassy cheerfully hollered as she trotted past. “Hi guys! We’re free again!”

Goldie added in Goullawk, having remembered what the other Sassy had asked them to do, “and going to get help!!!” and bobbed her head up and down in a manner that was meant to look reassuringly cute. It did if you were a younger Goullawk worried about being eaten by its elders, who seemed to be considering whether it was too stupid or dysfunctional to enjoy the continual privilege of life, but to a human it just looked weird and demented! And so not reassuring!
“Commander” asked one of the humans, “May I please shoot them too?”

“No!” stated the Commander, “they might help!”

“Help do what make things more complicated or worse!” responded the questioner, “Them? Help? They’re Teckelsteiners! You know what their idea of help is, making such a mess of things we have to go in and rearrange people’s memories or remove anomalies or or or …”

“Incoming!” screamed someone else as fireballs were launched at them and they all ducked for cover. When they looked up again Sassy and Goldie were out of sight. A team of hench-folk were approaching with large nets and lassos and other objects such as nunchakus and knuckledusters designed to deliver stunning force viciously. Barely visible to the rear were a group of older semi-retired villains sitting on a shielded antigravity platform comfortably sipping drinks and apparently marking scores on clipboards. Just as the heroes, good guys, and other relatively righteous folk, and let’s not forget honorable lady amazons, were about to run out of weapon power, and the lackeys and henchpersons closed in on them, the commander turned to his men and made a promise while manfully posing.

“Have no fear! Help is on the way! If not those dachshunds then shirley someone else will send help soon!”

“I think that’s surely sir!” replied someone as he pivoted to kick a servant of evil in what he hoped was a delicate region, and gasped, as he contacted with hidden solid metal, “but the odds are sheerly against us! However,” he croaked and gasped, mentally cursing the inventor of metal codpieces, “could tiny lil dogs poss’ly help! AAARGH!”

“Have no fear,” bellowed the commander heroically; being a graduate of that type of Shakespearian theatre training which often ends up being used in cult sci-fi shows, “Dachshunds don’t know the meaning of the word impossible. And they’re fearless and courageous!”

“They don’t know the meaning of fear so they’ll front up to any threat?” yelled someone who sensibly had thrown their empty gun away and was swinging a sledgehammer towards a pale-skinned cyborg’s head.

“No they’re dachshunds” cried the commander. “They’re fearless about most things except bath time and they really don’t know the meaning of the word impossible. They just don’t understand it!”

He was about to explain that dachshunds, especially those from Teckelstein, had an attitude about reality and life best described as a belief that if you couldn’t do it yourself you just find some nice friendly kind human to con into doing it for you, but just then a giant robot vented a cloud of sleeping gas over them. Meanwhile Sassy and Goldie had quietly slipped through a quantum tunnel off to retrieve Lady Zen Shipper.

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Let there be Ba#$

Let There be Ba#$s!

"So why do we need the boys to build a transstellar transport device that generates wormholes," asked JonaHexed, who hadn't been allowed to read the list yet?

"Something happens to Reg's Taxi but that's not for another hour," answered Sassy.

"But we have Lady Zen Shipper?" stated Jonahexed.

"Apparently building the gate allows a lost and forgotten character to return."

"So who's next," asked Fluvia, leaning closer to read down the list which Goldie was holding up in her mouth for Sassy to read," THEM? the little blue pests!"

No Dear Readers not the ones starting with S.

Meanwhile a memorial statue of a fuzzy elfish being in San Francisco was  surrounded by a horde or swarm of small blue beings all wailing,

"They killed Daddy B@#f! They killed Papa B@#f!"

"And Hewlett finally caught the last of us and banned us from the school grounds!" bewailed another holding an empty whiskey bottle.

Lady Zen Shipper appeared next to the normally invisible yet oddly never a hazard to aircraft or avians giant comatose alien.

"Look!" squealed one of the smarter Ba#$fs who instead of crying had been panhandling from tourists, "its the Dragon Queen and the Time Lady and the Teckel Princess!"

The Ba#$ stopped crying and swarmed over to the Girls.

"Hello boys!" barked Sassy, "wanna a job!"

To be continued in the usual erratic manner.

Monday, 19 November 2012

Meet the Constructor

Meet the Constructor !

and a few other familiar faces

"Wow!" exclaimed Sassy looking at the scanner, "We didn't vaporize most of Pasadena though it is a bit singed ..."

"well" cackled Jonahexed grabbing his hands together, "Now to see if our evil plan worked hehehe.

Fluvia slapped him.

"I told him not to dress up in that horror movie outfit!"

She grabbed him by an ear.

"Bath time for you in blessed water!

Fortunately I'm used to handling adults who act like twelve year olds!"

JonaHexed whimpered and inside his container Dark Caper giggled and crooned.

People who had been possessed by him were prone to lingering moments of odd behaviour.

"So dramatic entrance via teleport to see if we zapped the Gang?" asked Goldie," and can I wear my Power Goullawk vest?"

"The one you cut down from Pee Gee's old outfits?" asked Fluvia,"ah  does it still have the ... ???"

"Humph I took out the gag boobs!" snapped Goldie.

Meanwhile several thousand feet below smoke was clearing and clothes had changed.

"Howie," squealed Mrs Wolowiz,"you look awesome!"

"In a strangely Kirbysque way?" observed Leon.

The Waitress was now wearing a white and gold outfit with a large P on the very tight front and Mrs Wolowiz a miniskirt thigh high boots and a swimsuit apparently designed by Mike Grell.

Leon was just about to realise his own outfit now resembled Coluan haute couture circa the thirty first century when a classic Trek teleport sfx filled the middle of the room.

"oh nooo!" moaned Super Pandit in his delightful accent,"it is the little doggie and the very nagging mini naga queen and ... hello mature but sexy I'm Raaa ..."

Goldie slapped him into silence.

Becoming Super pandit had cured his selective mutism.

Fluvia just looked bemused.

"Sorry sweetie I have a man!"

"look Ladies just why are you here?" asked Leon," and aren't you Riv...?"

"Hush sweetie we don't want to attract any copyright lawyers with no sense of humor?!"

"My future self told me to arrange an "accident" so you'ld all get super powers and we can return to the Node and reset reality," explained Sassy.

"Reset reality? Why we have super powers now!" shouted Wolowiz.

"Well apart from the fact Super Pandit is probably going to get himself killed hitting on someone with more powers than him ... " as she said this Super Pandit was hovering in a position that allowed him a close up view of Fluvia's cleavage, " ... take a look at the news update showing on the TV.

"Yes it's official folks we have several versions of the Justice League and Avengers fighting about who the real ones are in the streets of Manhattan and we're about to cross over for an exclusive interviews with Guy Gardener who claims to be the one and only real Green Lantern.

"Our reality now includes Guy Gardener? Okay that could be a problem ... "

"And what if Galactus or Thanos are real now or did you miss the story about Latveria?" asked Sassy.

Leon shuddered.

Sassy continued reading her notes.

"Oh Mr Wolowiz you are now the CONSTRUCTOR! Think about making something.


Wolowiz reached out a hand. Energy suddenly surged down it and a hover bike appeared.

"Hey can I have a new car?" asked the Waitress.


"Mmm that's your super power Persuasion!"

"And what do I do?" asked Mrs Wolowiz .

"mmm you're the Shrieker with super sonic shouting power according to my notes," answered Sassy.

"So ladies what can the CONSTRUCTOR imagineer for you?"

"Ah guys ... and ladies what about the other problem?" asked Leon pointing at teh whiteboard.

A drawing had appeared of a bluejay pointing at a man wearing a black cape with a familiar expression of assumed superiority next to a symbol combining a flower and a spiral and a note saying Meemaw's Moonpie is with the super villians at the Node.

"What's the Node?" asked the Waitress,"A comic book shop?"

"Earlier this day ..."

Readers if you've just visited go back to the first post and read the opening chapters!

Thank You!

And will someone please use the Paypal box ?

Monday, 12 November 2012

One Lab Accident

"Now what's next on our list?" asked Goldie, although she was quite capable of reading it herself.

Sassy was squinting earnestly with a very serious expression at the list.

"We've got cavalry and air support but we need a flock of dodos and to arrange a freak storm in pasadena to cause a lab accident to an Amy FF, some called pennypennypenny! and Bernie ... is ... gosh who wrote this for me ... is that name wolowiz?"

Meanwhile in Pasadena other people had similar ideas and two Ph.D., a Masters in Engineering and a waitress were setting up chemicals and other devices while Mrs Wolowiz and Superpandit were watching them. Superpandit was floating four feet off the floor as his new levitation abilities had gotten stuck on HOVER.

"Okay people if we're right about how the laws of physics have changed an open window a kitchen bench covered with dangerous chemicals and  a few of his hairs should allow us to locate the East Texan Mantis Monster along with this picture Stuie draw for us and the scrabble board on the table.

Now how do we get the freak weather or electrical discharge?"

Some short time later in the stratosphere Lady Zen Shipper was cloud herding disguised as an airship with camo gray cloud patterns.

"All right are we above Pasadena yet?  Everyone got their safety googles on?" asked JonaHexed dressed in a dashing 30s style lab jacket steam punk googles and black rubber boots.

"Oh can I do the count down wehn you pull the lever?" squealed Goldie!

"Lets all do it start chanting folks!" cried JonaHeXed as he started moving the lever downwards.

"TEN!" There was a humming sound.

"NINE!" An whiff of ozone!

"EIGHT!" Well yeah you're going to have to READthe SFX unless I suddenly start getting ahelluva lot of Paypal tokens of appreciation so I can pay a PRO to draw this and other scenes and no one has used the paypal yet and Christmas is coming and ...

"SEVEN" Fluvia's hair begun to frizz with static electricity and Sassy's heckles rose.

"SIX" Down in Pasadena the waitress exclaimed

"Oh a freak unforecast storm!"

"FIVE" "Everyone get inside the circle or stand next to the chemicals!" shouted one of the Ph.D's in Pasadena.




Okay everyone reader participation time!


A massive discharge of over excited molecules wove a mass of air into a pathway for power and flashed downwards thru the window.

Next time have our fearless heroines made new allies?

Friday, 2 November 2012

So now what

So now what

well the girls are still working their way down their list

So now what!?

"So now what do we do?" asked Goldie as she and Sassy ticked more names off

their list.

"Well we need more police and and some one to fit a harness for the Vortex

manipulator and a few giant robots and ...him?"

"OH this is definitely a job for me!" exclaimed Sassy.

Some time later further up time in what looks like a holiday resort Sassy

trotted across a garden terrace following a trail of cigarette smoke.

Some one was hiding behind some bushes nervously puffing.

"Hello Major Mayor!" barked Sassy.

The smoker shied and neighed. Sassy evaded the hooves of his lower limbs  and

the cigarette he dropped from his hand.

The being who had centaur cousins swore in an obscure Rural Germanic dialect

and placing both hands on his front hips glared down at the dachshund.

"What do you want?!"

"How would you like to take a break from this place without going missing?"

asked Sassy.

"me go AWOL?!" he asked.

"Oh not really since technically you'll have never left the grounds!"

"Tell me more!"

"Yes do tell us more!" demanded a natural blonde with a delicate golden pink

complexion yet masculine figure.  His distinguished sky pilot friend standing

by his stared at Sassy and muttered something that sounded like
"my god they're breeding talking dogs now!"

"Oh Peachy Person says on my list I need a rider with a white horse and a WW2

so you and your friend can come and play too!" exclaimed Sassy.

"Phoenix is ... "

A dainty yet fiery Arab Berber Mare suddenly appeared out of nothing and

trotted up to the Peachy One who embraced her.

Sassy muttered a quick prayer to whatever entity was responsible and thought

she heard some one sigh in happy acknowledgement.

( with apologies to Donna Barr but you were being so mean to poor Stinz over in AFTER DEAD and I thought he deserved a break!)


If you can "get" my sense of humor you'll probably enjoy Stinz too!

Monday, 29 October 2012


(Okay its very short but ...)


A millenium more or less up the time stream two blonde humanoids were studying

a temporal flux monitor.

"What are they doing downtime! Another Crisis! Again!" exclaimed the one with

a very high IQ and green skin.

The other blonde in the room leaned provocatively across the console blocking

his view of the monitor.

"Let's discuss other problems!"

She seized the edge of his lab coat and suddenly snarled

"Why is it taking so long for my toyboy to get back to top from!
Have you been spiking his meds or something!?
and he still has this strange craving for twentieth century toxins ...things

called Bimacs and Hodawgs!"

Just then fortunately for our lime jello colored genius several alarms went

off at once.

The irate blond female shuddered and shrieked " ... but bu u I didnt get any

precog flash and I should have if that many things happened at once!"

But at the Node certain villians sniggered in delight as the consequences of

worlds fusing spread uptime and their henchmen attacked the mother city of the


Thursday, 25 October 2012

Lost Boys

Penny Amy and Lost Boys

Meanwhile while the girls were working their way down their list back at the Node a Lost Boy was forlornly wandering around.

"Penny! Amy! Leon!
Where are my friends Primary Secondary and Tertiary!
Sob they promised me the power to change the laws of physics and all I got so far was this teeshirt and a black cape!"

This character of course  oh yes oh course nudge wink has absolutely no link nudge wink with a certain Texan resident in Pasadena? Of course not!

and back at that residence Leon is screaming out the window.

"Oh for pity's sake Rajnee get here and stop levitating!
And Superpandit is NOT a good super hero name!
and what if the laws of physics suddenly change back again!?

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Gothamic kNights

Gotham(ic) kNights

Sassy and Goldie are STILL working their way down that list.

A city on an island in a bay.

The architecture is a strange blend of Art Deco Gothic and 19th century slum.

Yes it is off the Eastern Coast of the USA.

and the people ...?

"Sign up here for the Gothamic Haunts Tour!"

"Travel by helicopter and see the rooftops and alleyways of Gotham(ic) city or walk through the shadows and dark alleys. Visit that night club with the Black and White Avian theme. Watch our infamous criminals in action!"

Meanwhile an "ART" crime is being thwarted.

One of Gotham's finest has cornered the person who thinks he's funny at an art gallery charity event.

"Wham Bang Punch"

"Your scrawly sadistic @#$%^&* You destroyed my family! You crippled my daughter! You inspired other idiots to do weird stuff! You increased the amount of paperwork I have to do!"

Yes the Commish is doing some performance art with the oh you know who I'm hinting  at but eventually I'ld love to make this a PRO REAL book and as Copyright law ... blahargh.

He is interrupted by a Goullawk shouting,

"We're terribly sorry Mr Commissioner but we need to speak with Mister Jee?"

Enter the Goullawk and the Dachshund suitably attired as Batdach and Nightgoullawk in black satin capes red vests and black masks and of course usability belts. (Scribal note Use Useful Utility all those words come from Latin)

Sassy added "You too Other Mister Jay! We've got invitations for some police work and anarchy too!"

"We couldn't ask Batty cos he's run off to elope with Slinky!"

(Somewhere in Venice a retired feline burglar and a philanthropist are sipping champagne and reclining on silk sheets and ignoring all messages to them)

Goldie added "and the Hyper Metro city Alien is hiding or maybe sulking in his Polar Vacation Home.

Fluvia who was with them smiled and muttered to herself
"and those photos of Clark being confronted by Lana Lois and Diana are going to earn me a small fortune on the Black Market!"

To be erratically continued sooner or later .

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Mutant meetings

On a certain island that recently appeared off the coast of California a notoriously tense tall individual with a visual problem that acquired him to wear red tinted lenses was trying to hold a crisis meeting.

Unfortunately the only person of self importance who had shown up was his current girlfriend who was reading Vogue.

"Where is everyone!"

"Eric went to London for a photo shoot with Ian McKellen and Michael Fassbender, our black ops guy has gone to Japan, the kids are clubbing or shopping, Leonard's liberating dolphins, Peter's taken the Pride of Chicago to go gallery cruising, and I want to go shopping NOW!"

"So is anyone actually left on the island?"

"Just us. Just you and me watching you be very very serious.
Aren't you a lucky I find that ... alluring?"

We better end there!  

(Scribal yes this is very short but folks I'm dealing with sick relatives)

Saturday, 29 September 2012

what fresh hell

What Fresh Hell for Fabrics!

The girls were interrogating Dark Caper who was confined within a large glass jar with a screwtop lid so it couldnt be opened from inside.

"Okay you insolent piece of sentient cloth TALK!" snapped Goldie!

"They promised ..." whimpered the villianous fabric its folds quivering with fear and angst or possibly just embarassment at being defeated so easily YET AGAIN, "they promised this time we win and get what we want!

Let me out! Let me go! I need a body! Lemme OUT! OUT! OUT!"

The jar rattled as Dark Caper writhed.

Fluvia held up pinking shears and waved them.

Dark Caper whimpered again.

"Who promised?" asked Goldie.

"Mister L sent messages to all the others. All the great ones. Many of us lesser ones. Instead of fighting the heroes we attack one of the nodes. A node with a cintamani! Mr. L made a big wish!"

"Mister L made a big wish for himself not everyone else!
And that Big wish somehow cut Teckelstein off from most realities and dreamings!" snarled Sassy.

"Mister L said now we control the node we can all have a wish. So long as we can keep the heroes away until the next wish and Mister L is very clever!"

(Scribal Note If you're reading the blogpost version go back and reread wimblytime!

For the lazy ...

"I A@#$^&*@( L56789 of Continuum %@ offer up my soul in return for denying access to this node and wishing jewel for three days Earth Greenwich Time twentieth century to any being or power who can stop me re-inserting my cloneson back into my reality on the understanding that a) whatever happens after the three day period my clone son remains real and gets to live to a healthy old age dying a heroic death and b) related and linked condition the first person to make a wish after that three day period can not undo this one whatever happens to me so may it be!")

"I don't see how this big wish effects Teckelstein unless ..." speculated Fluvia, " ... unless ...what does this wishing jewel do ? Anything apart granting wishes?"

"oh that's all it does so the Time Cops keep it at the node so it can't be used except to correct major reality distortions!" answered Sassy.

"oh girls there's a clue there somewhere reality distortions, crossovers between universes and Teckelstein blocked from ours."

There was a rattling sound as Dark Caper's folds shifted like black ink inside the jar as the Evil Textile tried to shift its mass to unbalance the the jar so it would fall over and maybe crack open.

Blocked ... balanced ... flowing ...." muttered Fluvia," shfiting balance ... fluid mass ... oh girls EEEEurekaaa!"

"That's a Greek verb," remarked Goldie.

"no no no darlings don't you see History can be rewritten becasue Time flows! panta ..."

"Time is a river and they're interfered with the water works!" shrieked  Dark Caper.

"Breached the dam walls and washed Teckelstein away!" yelped Sassy.

"No all the worlds and universe floating joining together in a mess of flotsam and wreckage making it possible for l's wish to be granted because the usual agents of order cant untangle the mess so there must be someone or several people associated with Teckelstein who can?!" cried Fluvia.

"SO Teckelstein's floating around like a cork out of a bottle?" asked Goldie.

"I'ld like to be floating out of this glass jar. Its Fresh hell for me!" demanded Dark Caper.

"Bother we're the agents of order aren't we?" snapped Sassy, "cos we don't hate Lex's boy so the wish doesnt effect us?

"SOOO now what!" demanded Goldie.


Tuesday, 18 September 2012

In the Oval office or somewhere near by.


"Definitely a crisis!
We have ten alien battle invasion fleets in orbit fortunately all currently fighting each other!
Ryleh has risen up out of the Pacific Ocean.
Godzilla is break dancing in Tokyo.
An island full of mutated people with unusual abilities has appeared off San Francisco.
The Deep Ones took a bus from Boston to Washington and are outside demanding Marine Hybrid rights lead by some one called Ramona.
K.A.O.S. now has an office in New York."


The SHIELD helicarrier is now hovering near the Statue of Liberty.
Homeland Security and the CIA are having a collective hissy fit over that Sir."

"Afraid they'll lose funding?"

"Some possible good news Sir!
Drs.Richards, Pym, McCoy, Strange, Samson, Nemesis, and Savage, along with Larsen, are getting ready for a Skype conference with you."

"and the rest of the world?"

"Satellite photos show various islands phasing in and out off the East Coast, in the Black Sea, and the Caribbean, and the Scillies are bobbing up and down like a yoyo. The Brits and U.N.I.T are trying to find what's left of some specops group called Torch something and where Winston left the special phone that can call an freelancer specialist called the Doc and several mysterious previously  Lost cities have appeared in Tibet, Africa, and South America. Shoggoth have been spotted attacking the Japanese Whaling fleet and that town where they do things to dolphins and the HQs of various dolphin capture organizations.

Finally sir we found the Chocolate Phone."

"The one that rings Teckelstein?"

"That's not good news Sir. We tested it and all we're getting is out of order and this number is no longer available messages."

"Okay the Vaults at AREA 51? and do we have Vampire Agents now?"

They've escaped or gone on strike sir!"

"Do we have a head count of superheros yet?"

"They're all attacking the offices and studios of their creators Sir and we now have giant wolves and elves on the streets of  L.A. San Francisco and Poughkeepsie and Gargoyles in New York and there's more bad news Sir."


"Republican party representatives are driving towards Storybrooke Maine hoping to recruit that Mills woman."

"Where did my wife hide the cigarettes this time!"

Next time more dachshund and goullawk action !

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

It was very difficult to impress a Goullawk queen and a dachshund who routinely flit about throughout time and space but a conversation with an avatar of a Boddhisattva riding a dragon will do it.

"Gosh I'm sorta Catholic" muttered Sassy, "I was expecting the Angel in charge of Dachshunds or Saint Francis or maybe Saints Jack and Ron?"

(Scribal note if you cant figure it from the next line consider what the nicknames were of two leading mid twentieth century academics who were also writers.)

"Jack and Ron are busy having a talk with that producer in New Zealand.
Now Ladies you two are straying off the WAY ..."

"But we're following the list!" interrupted Goldie.

"Yes girls but are you thinking about why certain people and items are on the list?" retorted Tara firmly yet gently. "For example you already have Lady Zen Shipper so why will you be using a Vortex Manipulator? Have you thought about why certain people are not on that list? what that means? Please go somewhere quiet for a while and think about it?

Tara departed leaving behind a lingering aroma of blossom and a layer of petals all over the courtyard to the initial annoyment of the groundskeeper until a few months later he noticed the compost he added the swept up blossoms to was unusually effective.

Fluvia who had been extremely quiet for her while Tara had been speaking lead them off to a teashop for scones with jam and cream and a large pot of Ti Kuan Yin tea to ingest while they reconsidered their list.

Next time its an Oval Office

Thursday, 6 September 2012

An Irrresponsible Interlude

An Irresponsible Interlude

We interrupt your scheduled reading with an out of sequence snippet due to the girls' limited grasp of linear time responsibility and copyright.

Somewhere vaguely beyond.

"Plock! plock! plock!"

"Here Pickwickie Marshmallows!"

"Plock? Plockplockplock?!" in a happy way.

"Come on Pickie time to go home! Just follow the trail of marshmallows! That's a good small blue reconstructed dodo!
Home Pickie! Remember Thursday! and the day after that?"

"Plock! Plock! Plock!" Excitedly.

"and you remember the day after Monday?"

"PLOCK!Plock!plock!" Running off panicking.

"Well now you've gone and frightened her!"

The girls and I have been reading jasper (is the extra f for funny?)forde.

'nuff said.

Oh there will be more dodos. Later.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

A visit from Tara

SCRIBAL NOTE this post belongs BEFORE Back in the Homeland

I had to repost it since it got accidentally deleted)

A visit from Tara

The Boddhisattva of Compassion manifests in many ways.

In recent centuries she's allegedly taken taken to manifesting as a young Asian woman and prefering avatars with far shorter names than her or his oldest Sanskrit title or job description, looking down with compassion on humans and lesser beings ready and willing to help them. Read Blofeld.

Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearlyy had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.

Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.

"Darlings a thought!" declared Fluvia with a wickedly intelligent gleam on her eye, "ever heard of the Cardiff Rift?"

Shortly thereafter the waterfront of Cardiff acquired a new statue which no one noticed since they all thought it was a prop for some BBC Wales TV program and it was so late at night it was literally the first hour of morning and although its not always raining in Wales in the version of Wales that produced Sportinas it certainly was this morning in Cardiff!

A small procession of PARASOL wielding femme fatales made their way over the stones to a closed tourist information booth. (WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO DRAW THIS?)  Fluvia picked up the lock and overrode the security system easily since some one with admin level user privileges had created passwords that required knowledge of Linear A Cretan, a 31st century TransGalactic Creole, and the names of ten US presidents who hadnt even been voted into office yet.

The girls proceded downwards to a large central where a forlorn pet pterodactyl was roosting up near the ceiling crooning for scraps.
There was however no one human present though there was a signed note for someo one with a Welsh name stating that the person on duty had been called away on a urgent case and promised to make up for it doing something perversely affectionate later.

"But if he's not here neither is his Vortex Manipulator!" snapped Fluvia.

"So where can we get another one in this century?" asked Sassy

Fluvia glanced to the monitors several of which were displaying updates of the Converging worlds situation.

"Mmm this sortof event generally drives time travellers way however ..."

Fluvia had a very promising glint in her eye.

"... does anyone really believe NOT one single one of those  time lordlings had the sense to escape Galli ..."

Goldie interrupted with a pertinent and actually relevant observation

"ah Fluvia dear ... " one of those monitors is showing ebay and and and "

The three of them looked at the monitors and squealed gleefully in unison.

Unfortunately it was another trap as the person claiming to be a Cambridge professor who owned an certain anachronistic device wasnt.

A hour or so later the girls reached the rooms of a semi retired academic only to find the door locking firmly tight behind them as they confronted DARK CAPER again and still riding poor JonaHexed.

The room filled with evil laughter that was really atonal and unmusical.

"Fools you left yr friend behind and now he is MINE! not that anyone else wanted him even for fanfic but hahaha me ponting that out made him more vulnerable to possession HAHAHA BWANANANAHAHAHA! Oh and I actually do have a Vortex manipulator.

Dark Caper whirled it around in front of them teasingly making poor Jonahexed smirk.

"Well excuse me darling but there's 3 of us and one of you and we could just take it?" pointed out fluvia reaching out with one arm and drawing her pistol with her other hand."

Sassy jumped up and diverted Fluvia's hand away from Dark Caper.

"NO Fluvia if you touch him he'll jump hosts to you!"

"Does dear JonaHexed have a thick skull?" crooned Fluvia picking up one of the many books lying around the rooms. It was a hardback entitled Shada.

A few minutes later Jonahexed was slowly coming to what passed for normal for him and  Dark Caper thanks to the judicious application of fire tongs and a poker, along with a thrown copy of Shada, and several volumes of the Encyclopaedia Galactica, was lying on the carpet trapped under a hearth rug.

"Well we've got our dear Jonahexed back and a Vortex manipulator?

What's next on the list?" asked Goldie as they reached the outer courtyard where Lady Zen Shipper was parked.

"Hey is anyone else feeling cold all of a sudden and the light's going. Where did this big shadow come from?" remarked the Goullawk.

They looked up at a very large and unfriendly dragon who normally resided on an unique inselberg in a northern land of another fictional realm.

"They're going to pay me in gold for your bodies ladies!" he hissed, "Pray for mercy and maybe you're be delivered as a slightly charred still alive body?"

"Okay thank you we will pray!" replied Sassy.

"Holy Virgin and Spirit and Nagas and Nhats and Saint Francis who loves small animals .." begun Sassy.

"Lost and forgotten gods, new and old,  and darling Doctor or anybody, saints and boddhisattvas,!" added fluvia.

"Dragon riding Tara Descend!" Screamed Goldie!

And she did.

A dragon with scales all othe colors of the rainbow and other colors as well suddnely appeared hovering between them. Standing on its back balancing without reins or harness was a young girl wearing a combination of riding leathers and a large silk wrap that seemed to be changing shape form head scarf to veil to cape and back.

Golden lotus petals rained down on them. The odor of spice and perfume wafted thru the air and a quartet of student musicians suddnely begun playing music in a room facing the courtyard.

The visitor from an isolated mountain gulped down a mouthful of the lotus petals bowed his head respectfully and disappeared.


To be continued!

And finally a word from yours truly the humble scribe  ...

if some of you are wondering why there's such a long gap between such short instalments well the girls have a limited grasp of the concept oF linear time ... they tell to tell me bits and pieces and  patches and shreds of tales about their adventure and OUT OF SEQUENCE!

next time and hopefully sooner what's happening in Teckelstein!

Back in the Homeland

Back in the Homeland

Back on sassy's homeland of Teckelstein which A.F. First Minister for just about everything liked to refer to as the Uberheimat (Yes that was a philology joke) and others as that confounded floating giant dog kennel a meeting was being held of desperate beings huddled around a fireplace.

A.F. was convening it and a list of what still worked and what didnt was being revised.

"Confluence Drive?"

"Flickering in and out of an interphasic state."

"Planoforming Engines?"

"Barely maintaining the atmospheric shield."

"Battery power?"

"All Batteries running at 30% and falling."

"Antimatter reactor?"

"We have one of those?"

"Lieber Gott Someone go down to cavern 366 and try a Cold restart!"

"Wormhole generators boomtubes and jumpgates?"

"They open and but don't lead anywhere but the Wood between the Worlds."


"None of them were in dock when we got cut off but there's one in maintenance disassembled and lacking a power source or crystals."

"Well gentlebeings there is one option left but it requires sacrifice ..."

"Not the Stone of Darkened Destiny?"

"I barely have a soul! I'm not sacrificing it!"

"You're not innocent enough!" retorted another.

"Gentlebeings! gentlebeings! Order Please!"

"No not the Stone of Darkened Destiny! That's safely locked up until we can jettison it into a blackhole or an epic story line that's so sadistic to its characters that it's the only possible plot resolution!"

(Scribal Note mmm well  I can think of several "Interminable Epics")

"Does anyone know where we can find a Cinatmani?" asked another.

"No gentle beings let's try the power of prayer!"

"Whch deity do we petition?"

"All of them?"

Someone got down on their knees and started praying
"Oh mighty all praiseworthy Demented Continuum Editors we beg thee ... "

"Oh sainted Kirby...." "Great bird of the Galaxy ..."


A.F. barked authoritatively.

"Gentlebeings we have not yet faded out of existence completely so we must have some readers left so let us pray together!

"oh mighty congeries of fannish readers and whosoever loveth dachshunds and complicated continaul pop culture cross genre references and whoseever has a sense of humor and can appreciate parody and satire and metatext and intertext cry out to all the powers and persons that have been are in being and will become moved by the power that by sweet Charity and Agape that moves the sun and stars shout out these words.


Shout it out threefold tenfold a hundred fold!



There was a silence so terrible and ominous that it literally darkened the skies or the batteries droppped further.

Then all the remaining electrical lights and chemical devices such as wax candles and oil lamps flickered at all and flared up just  a little.

"Battery power jumped to 34%!"

"Progress is Slow" sighed A.F.

Help fuel up Teckelstein!

Recite the magic words


and share this url with friends.

Next time back in the UK .

Sunday, 12 August 2012

More Doctors

More Doctors

Univeres are coalescing and turning into strange vast congeries.

Most of the people who are supposedly to be responsible for stopping this sort of thing are captive at the Node.

So who do you turn to?

On a remote planet on a semitropical island of the sort that really has fruit trees and nit just coconut palms someone had a hammock strung between two trees safely above the high tide line and was sipping a fruity kind of drink while nearby a blue object was catching the sun.

The blue object suddenly started humming like a beeswarm about to attackthen a small object came hurtling out of the skies and hovered between the blue object and the sunbather.

"Hello a message box!" exclaimed the sunbather, "For me!"

The box opened and shrieked on sonic and psionic frequencies.


"Bother ... ah well rarely a dull moment hey old girl!?" observed the sunbather while sauntering over and into the blue object.

"What's this I have 3000 messages?"

"Doctor Universes are colliding again! I have Albert Campion and Lord Peter Wimsey in my office and Biggles and most of John Buchan's characters and Lord Greystoke and ..."

"and Winnie's office isn't that large.." mused the person with several hundred doctorates. "hello here's one from ...when did or will I give my phone number to a Henry McCoy, a Dr. Nemesis, and a Dr. Richards?

Also I have messages from a Dr. Savage, the U.N., and oh no! FLUVIA!"

"Hello Sweetie Don't pick me up tonight and maybe tomorrow night too! I'm having a girls' night with guess who? We're shopping for a Vortex Manipulator! "

"Girls? Girls!" shrieked yet another doctor, "which girls?

No NO ... couldn't be... not those girls?"

Across the universe other doctors were panicking!

to be continued sooner or later sooner if I start getting more followers or my late winter pollen allergy attack clears up soonest!?

Monday, 30 July 2012

Duckponds and Doctors

Duck Ponds and Doctors

While Goldie was motivating her fellow dragonoids Lady Zen Shipper was landing with a loud splash in a duck pond, of the sort that could been found in any neglected English Mid counties village lacking tourist attractions and bypassed by the new roadway or possibly somewhere completely different as there was smoke coming up from a working forge and from a nearby school people were chanting the letters of the ABC and it wasn't the Roman one.

Sassy exited Lady Zen shipper and trotted across the boarding ramp watched by some very irate geese and ducks complaining because they had just lost half the water in their pond and a few startled villagers who were much less noisier. One of the more sensible villagers was running up to the local castle. Sassy headed for the village school as her sensible canid hearing had recognized the distinctive tones of a certain voice.

"Very good class! Now we'll move on to revising Signs of Demonic Possession and Basic Gnomish. Don't forget after lunch a trip uphill to watch the testing of the latest defense automaton!"

"Can they do that without you? We need you elsewhere!" asked Sassy.

The teacher dressed with surprising elegance and refinement for a small village in black silk robes with silver jewellery looked at Sassy glanced  out the window at Lady Zen Shipper currently posing as a statue amidst the pond and then leapt out thru the open window changing mid leap into a black and silver dragon taking flight towards the castle. Sassy trotted after him.

Meanwhile back in HerInside's parlor Dr. A was watching the TV with increasing dismay as update after update confirmed his fears. Case Red Sky Falling was causing alternate realities and functionalites to fuse.
Also Young Robert had rung and announced since the situation was a Case Red Sky Falling and NOt Bad Lovecraftian Emerald Dream he and his wife were going to "do something safe and normal, the washing, a picnic, a sleep-in whatever, or maybe something sensible like catch a train to Edinburgh and have a talk with our author..."

On the TV screen an announcer was introducing a face Young Robert might have recognised but not Dr. A.

"" and live from Pasadena to explain the physics behnd universes merging is Dr Leon Ho..."
"Hey before we start I'ld like to ask if anyone has seen this missing person seen walking off with a group of people wearing black shouting out "Me join the Masters of the universe and NOT Wil Wheaton! Thank you hypothetical Deity!"

Yes gentle readers a certain person with a doctorate from Texas has escaped the Village and is wearing black.

At the Castle gates Sassy was barking for attention.

"MrBlackandSilver I know you're in there! Please come out we need you.
I need you. You're on my list. Not the list of potential dates for Goldie."

"Go away. No one's home. They just left on a quest!"

"What quest?" demanded Sassy.

"A quest to successfully visit the capital city and do some shopping  without getting involved in royal politicking or offending any priests or discovering any demonic manifestations or whatever!"

"Ask the resident witch what Red Sky Falling means," replied Sassy.

There was a brief silence then the gates opened and a reluctant trio came out, the shapeshifting dragon, a witch, and a man wearing reading glasses and a sword along with a tool bag on the  war belt.

"Does our author know you're here ... AGAIN?!" queried one of them.

"NO and I don't think she'll find out. Dr. January is not on my list." replied Sassy," Oh come on don't dawdle. You're between books or after a series anyway and we have to save the multiverse really soon!"

Meanwhile back in New York certain editors' worse nightmares had occurred. They had been cornered in their offices by a famous feline felon and a fearless female investigative reporter who wanted something done about their relationships.

"He finally told me he loved me and you B@#$%^&* reset the Demented Continuum," shrieked one while waving a whip, "and then you catered to the fanboys with that roof top scene. A third female standing outside the door threw a knife to the reporter who called out "Thanks!" and then pointed the knife at the petite brunette standing in the corridor next to two very tall striking redheads and begun ranting,
"You let them get married and me you keep waiting for DECADES and then finally I get my gorgeous combo of sincere loving smalltown boy and powerful alpha male alien and you You YOU ...."

The rest had be censored. I'm sure female readers can guess what would happen if SK and LL could get their hands on certain people.

Sassy however was busy. She had a Doctor to pick up! a doctor of archaeology called ... Fluvia Canta.

Technically Fluvia was custody. Fluvia who had several other names teasingly preferred to it as protective custody as not only did she have a spouse with a travelling device but some very special girlfriends to go shopping with, namely Sassy and Goldie.

Lady Zen Shipper appeared in the corridor outside of Fluvia's cell NS  young guard whimpered. "Nnononon not again," and didn't even bother trying for the phone. Sassy calmly walked over to the door of the cell and barked out a request,

"Darling know where I could find a Doctor of Archaeology who might know where I get a Vortex manipulator ?"

fluvia smiled and the lights went out.

The lights quickly came back on showing an empty corriodr and cell and the guard sighed and then cheered up thinking "oh well if she's away along enuff I can have her desert! Its Martian Apple Pie night!"

to be continued sooner or later

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

testing the ads

gentle readers I'm tryint to fix the ads so they show something other then pest control firms in my immediate area

not much use for readers outside of sydney and australia ?

if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this please contriubte?

Herding Cats

Herding cats and dragons.

Organizing dragons into groups for joint action is a feat similar to herding cats. Unlikely but possible if the cats have a common gaol.

Pleasing a human they're fond of. Defending kits. Receiving praise.

Getting an annoying small dragonoid to go away.

Then again they may just ignore every effort you make.

Goldie had been sitting on a beach for quite some time next to a pile of collectables and bling shrieking bulging and yodelling in every dragonish lanaguage she know attempting to attract attention so she could get a larger sea dragon or a flier to get her over and up to Dragonmont.

Several potential cusotmers were circling overhead. Some of them had swooped down and attempted to help themselves or taunted her screaming back,
"Oooh look its the LITTLE Goullawk!"

"Hey look its the girl who got banned from Dragonmont!"

Golid retorted loudly.

"Hey I've got Sara Lee Chocolate Cheesecake and it's defrosting ..."
Goldie paused to take a deep breath before she screamed,
" . . . and I've got Pavlova ... and Dwarf Wrought Gold Collars  ... and EMBROIDERED QUILTED EGG WARMERS from a Suzhou workshop and ..."

There was apparently a surfeit and surplus of gold collars and sweet treats but egg warmers were in demand!

Soon a few doting mothers descended and begun to inspect the goodies.

There was a brief tantrum of wing clattering and threats and tail spiking until one female dragon with steam emitting spikes drove off the others.

"Iski!" sqealed Goldie in delight,"You're in egg?! Oh I can godmother him or her! Sooo how come you're willing to defy the High Flight and get me up to Dragonmont."

"Hey I'm between books and you know me ...  me take orders from anyone unless I profit and most of the High Flight are BOYS! I can outfly them easily! So time for showing how splendid I am in flight. Flump into my harness dear and we'll be up up and away!"

There was a rumor that Dragonmont was situated on an actual world rather then being a dreaming place and that it was one occupied maybe even created by the Dragonoid equivalent of posthumans who had transcended physicality. The constellations moved. There were seasons and storms and cloudy skies to dive through yet sometimes the clouds took on dragon like shapes and had eyes. Ancient sometimes kindly sometimes angry but definitely non human eyes.

Iski and Goldie however were not thinking about that. Iski was trying to catch a thermal and rise up towards the summit of Dragonmont. Dragonmont was an enormous large island probably volcanic in origin though martian size volcanoes were not normally possible on Earth type planets. Especially not volcanoes with grottoes both natural and carved and a plentitude of hot and cold springs and cliffs to soar and glide off and wide ledges and caves for nesting and multiple rings of coral reefs swarming with fish of all sizes.

The lower slopes had villages of friendly biped species willing to groom dragons and make jewellery for them and some race had carved steps and ramps and roads spiralling up and through the mountain side. There were castles to explore and crystal towers and singing stones and a patrol of Guardians racing outwards towards Goldie and Iski.

"YOU!" roared the leader, "are banned from these august and blessed slopes!"

Iski roared back and then folded her wings and plummeted downwards and made a narrow escape into a cloud bank thickening into a storm. he headed inwards toward what would be the eye of the storm. Lightning was starting to flicker from cloud to cloud and dangerously close but Iski fearlessly caught a updraft towards the top of the clouds. The air was thin and dark above but the summit of Dragonmont was visible . As they exited the storm behind them the clouds briefly shifted to a face that winked and smiled  like a boddhisattva if a boddhisattva could be a Dragon.

Stars were visible at the summit of Dragonmont and vast ancient beings resting on the warm ashes that gently rose from an inner cone. Eyes opened to study Iski and Goldie even before Goldie called out to them.

"Hello everyone I'm back. Yes already and have I got news for you!
Some very naughty people are trying to re-arrange the multiverse again and they tried to delete Teckelstein! Isn't that just so bad?!

"A multiverse or any universe with less dachshunds mmmm?" grumbled one of the High Flight.

"Were you NOT told of being banned from this holy place?" hissed another.

A third one stood up and lumbering closer to Goldie and Iski and reached out with one limb in a manner that suggested he could easily and willingly flick Goldie off the summit with one extended claw.

Iski hissed inhaled and shook her ruff to its full extent and coiled her tail and hind parts around the Goullawk.

The Goullawk poked her head up over Iski's protective embrace and glanced at them like a parrot considering sidling along a cage bar to approach a treat.

"Well a fine way to greet a Lady this is!" she snapped.

Some one sniggered in a very unenlightened and vulgar manner.

"Has it occurred to any of you if Teckelstein goes this place might be the next target?" asked Goldie.

There was a brief chorus of hissing groaning and bellowings of denial and annoyment.

"Why is this a problem? We can defeat any fool who invades!" replied one.

Goldie squeezed out of Iski's coils and flumped over to him.

She stared up at the huge Elder and then turned around to look at the others.

"I live in Teckelstein when I' m not living adventures.
If Teckelstein goes then I'll need a new home.
I may be banned from Dragonmont but not the rest of this world ..."

"YET!" snapped another Dragon elder.

"and if Teckelstein goes I WILL move here!"

Some one made an odd choking noise so faint it was hard to tell if it was  a muffled sound of apprecation of the Goullakw's defiance or gagged horror at the prospect of Goldie taking up full time residence.

"And" continued the Goullawk, "I'll apply to join the council which means one of you will have to supervise my trials mmm?"

There was a brief silence while the Elders conferred telepathically.

"All right what do we have to do to get you back home!"

Goldie very smugly started reciting details and plans.

To be continued at the usual erratic pace sometime soon.

Next time maybe another look at Teckelstein.

Monday, 9 July 2012

Still the wrong way to London.

After a few hours of shuffling hesitant attempts at repairs and annoying  zombie like from moans in the background from those occupants who'd faded into terminal dementia there was a brief period of frantic hysteria amongst the  Lost Souls of the Space Sargasso when Goldie started her own special brand of motivation which was a good circulation boosting tail slapping. Being hit by Goldie's tail flukes was a sensation perhaps best compared to being hit by a rubber coated Japanese Samurai Iron war fan. Effective and non lethal.

Finally Lady Zen Shipper's battered surface was patched with a mixture of quantum foam broken glass and fragments of miracle machines from old comics and pulp fiction and most of the Lost Souls had embarked save a few who refused to believe they could either leave or survive the transit and who had barricaded themselves into the bar.

Lady Zen Shipper lifted off on the top of the 1950s spaceship she had crashed on at arrival and slowly spin up to full speed.

Various people either closed their yes and prayed crossed their fingers tentacles or other manipulators or whimpered as Sassy reached out one paw to push down a huge button labelled Improbability Drive.

A Hourglass with two dice in it popped up of the control panel and spun.

The ship shuddered and shook and then everything blurred.

Reality returned as with a loud splash.

On the viewing screens was a sea with islands and one particularly large island. Winged beings were circling it. They were not Avian.

Goldie glared at the screen.

"All right before your nagging future self shows up again just give me the list. The universe is clearly telling me I have to go and suck up to my frenemies distant cousins and a few past and present boyfriends. Just haul this lot back to London and I'll join you later !" snarled an exasperated Goullawk, quite willing to do the right thing but annoyed at having to be both told and reminded to do it!

Goldie was also annoyed because she faced a long climb.The local reality parameters allowed for magical levitation or wind manipulation and natural flight but not antigravity devices. Unfortunately there were several hundred maybe thousand steps up to the top of Dragonmont unless she could persuade some one to fly her up. Or pay them. Fortunately she had some dragon size jewellery in her wardrobe.

(Goldie's wardrobe is rather like the kit of a certain former soldier now working in a certain city watch. Warehouse size. Full of objects perhaps not acquired by fully legal or ethical methods. Her definition of borrowing was even looser than that of certain Miniature English Hominids.)

Lady Zen Shipper took off minus a few Lost Souls who liked the idea of living on a tropical island as Goldie started swimming towards Dragonmont.

Next Time Goldie on Dragonmont.

Most dragons are bling obsessed carnivores with healthy appetites for metal objects and animal protein and limited social skills.

Can Goldie persuade them to help?

Are Group activities run by Goullawks possible?



Saturday, 30 June 2012


Reg being a skilful driver evaded some curiously half hearted pursuit and soon had the girls back at Lady Zen Shipper who was soaking up the SoCal sunlight.

"Now ladies Supper's at Seven! Sure you don't want me to fly along you?"

"Really Reg how much trouble can we get into just flying to London?"  retorted Sassy.

Reg swivelled a sensor down at the dachshund and went into ominous silence mode being unable to glare at them with no neck external eye or indeed face. He sighed which for him was a low buzz of static.

"Just be careful girls!"

And being a careful driver he went into sleath mode as soon as he took off but the girls however were not and it was Goldie's turn to drive.

It wasnt long before they were being buzzed by USAF jets.

"Honestly Goldie did you have to fly over Nevada!" snapped Sassy as she nuzzled the speed dial up to supersonic,"you know how much that disturbs certain people!"

"But it makes the Area 51 campers so happy when they spot a UFO!" replied Goldie.

The UFO spotters down in Area 51 might have been excited to spot two UFOs if the vessel following them hadn't been in sleath mode.

Its one fully conscious occupant was chortling while evilly draped around the shoulders of a person who was familiar with Sassy and Goldie's piloting skills and battle strategies or lack thereof.

The sinister sentient cloth known as Dark Caper to some and Idiot Cousin to family had possessed  Jonahexed!

As they reached the Eastern Seaboard the first sleath missile struck Lady Zen Shipper not only marring her exterior but releasing a swarm of nanites that began to eat through her surface.

The ship shuddered and begun to spin faster and faster trying to shake them off and then resorted to the dangerous strategy of literally shedding her outer layers and shielding. Chunks of metal plastic and wierd alloys fell to the ground however causing no more than minor damage as most of them landed on a toxic waste dump not occupied by any mutants or monsters and the nanites eat up all the toxic waste before becoming inert so it eventually became a wetland and nesting site for migrating birds. Another piece  burnt through the windshield of a car full of Creationists on their way to a school board meeting thereby making them too late to vote to ban text books, and yet another fragment set fire to a nearby drug dealer's house.

These three events ultimately led to a group of witnessing teenagers deciding science might be more interesting than getting stoned, actually passing  the next day's chemistry exam, since with no illegal drugs available they went home and studied, and then going on to become a group of researchers who developed life saving drugs.

Normally if this  badly damaged Lady Zen Shipper would have automatically done an emergency transdimensional either to Teckelstein or a friendly nearby reality but with a horrible churning noise she jumped elsewhere and landed on something metallic with a loud clanking noise.

"Where are we now?" asked Goldie shaking dust out of her crest feathers.

"Oh even I thought that was a legend!" exclaimed Sassy looking at the forward screen, "I think ... maybe ... really .... wow we're in the space Sargasso ... the Full Metal Junkyard ... or some's private museum?"

Outisde parked or cabled to asteroids or just drifting were starships and air ships and strange devices and steam punk machines and flotsam and debris and a few giant robots with space travel capacity.

One asteroid however seemed to have several buildings on it and a sign saying "The End of the Line".

"No Sassy this is  simply can not be the dreadful Space Sargasso. That would mean our following of active readers has fallen low the fannish inverse critical threshold ... " Goldie paused to check to see if her tail flukes were fading.

Sassy whimpered "  ...aa ... an .... some of those ships look like they're fading out at the edges ... losing color ... becoming  flat and twodimensional..." She spun around trying to nip her tail and feet to check they were still there.

"oh happy idea Galpal if there are people out there we can use them to repair the Lady or swap for spare parts or something."

"Swap what this time? Your lingerie collection? Silk is only a barterable item in some parts of the multiverse."

"Oh well you know me I might just have a few collectables stashed around the ship mmm?" Goldie flumped out to to do a tally.

The End of the Line was probably one of the dreariest saddest pathetic bars in the multiverse full of depressed beings or worse people trying the cheer them up or people trying to get drunk or recovering from hangovers and everything was shades of gray or worse faded pastels and smelt of bleach.

There were clone troopers with cracked armor and cyborgs with plastic patches in odd places and robots with missing eyes and a fat bartender with tentacles instead of a beard who was slumped over the bar unconscious and the occupants barely stirring even when Goldie surged inot the middle of the barroom shrieking,

"Rise and shine people two ladies in distress are looking for repairs for their ship!"

A few people blinked. One person even stood up but instead of approaching them moved to a position where he could ignore them more easily.

Sassy tried nudging one of them on the knee and using the winsome charm of tilted head and wistful eyes. No response.

"We have money!" shrieked Goldie.

Some one laughed bitterly.

"We have fans and an author typing struggling to get us out of here!"

"Your author is still alive?" asked a woman wearing a silver overall.

"You could have her rewrite us into an active story?" asked another?

Fresh air suddenly moved through the bar and the bartender woke up and started serving drinks.

" and Lady Zen shipper just needs some shielding and spare ammo and we'll take as many of you as we can back to London with us."

"The REAL London ..." sighed a minor character," to be real and solid and ... and ... "

"Sassy" whispered Goldie none of these people are on your list?
Is this the right way to get back to London?"

"MMM well we went the wrong way going over Nevada," Goldie humphed,
"but helping these people puts us back the right way surely?"

"so the worng way is the right way is the wrong way is the ... er lets just fix the ship and get out of here!"

Help power up the girls above the fannish threshold!

Tell a friend or two or three or hundred about Temporal Pests!

Next The long wrong way to London!

Saturday, 23 June 2012

Toil and Trouble and Time Machines.

Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.

"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.

Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.

The future self whined in exasperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.

"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"

"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.

"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.

"Number One obtain strap on time travel device."

"But we have Lady Zen Shipper!  ... has something happened to her?" asked Sassy.

"Number Two contact ALL the people listed on the back of this note.

Number Three release prisoners! by the way they have Jonahexed!

Number Four

 One wish is all it takes but apparently I willnt be the one making it according to the person who told me that

Number Five Watch out for people who look like  two middle aged hikers with English accents and a teenaged girl who isn't called Tara."

The paper with the list fell to the ground as Future Self Sassy either disappeared or imploded with a loud POP.

Sassy and Goldie sat there puzzled until Reg came out of sleath mode and descended to land next to them.

Reg came out of his taxi saw the list and started to read it and turned over and read the list on the other side.

"Well you two have work to do don't you?

There's an awful lot of dragons on this list Goldie?"

"WHY do I have to do the dragons!?" complained the the Goullawk swashing her tail and imperiously rising her head and spreading her crest.

Reg retorted with a list.

"Dragonoid being with scales. Who speaks several darkish lingos.
 Domineering personality. Dates other dragons. Dates outside her species.
Has one reluctant boyfriend who's a dragon mage.
Goes shopping with someone even more obsessed with bling with her for gold plated prosthetics for poor whassa his Gra ... "

"Gold is good!" hissed the Goullawk, " . . . so I helped Iski pick up out a commissioned piece of art work over in Ankh and Morpor ..."

"I thought you were banned from most of the dwarvish jewellers there?" asked Reg in a tone of almost malevolent innocence.

"I really don't need a trip to Longshan at the moment," hissed Goldie.

"It's Luau night there! You always try to get barbecue nights unless ... oh you haven't been banned again have you? OH Goldie what was it this time?" cried Sassy.

"er mmm er uh well I might have to apologize for both of us to a few people for pamphleteeering again on P.#.$.N." stated Goldie trying too obviously to be cool and nonchalant.

"OOOOH" sniggered Reg," You two been handing out copies of Workers of P.#.$.N UNITE AGAIN!"

Scribal note For some curious reason this song has NOT been widely distributed throughout Fandom.

 "Tunnel Hounds of P.#.$.N Unite
to regain your hearth Rights.

Who keeps the watch wherriess warm at Night
under the cold dread starlight?

who turns the spit for your steaks
who chases off tunnelsnakes ?

Who gets all the darn glory
who hogs most of the story?

who does the work down in the gloom
while dragonkin thru the skies zoom

workers of P.#.$. N. Unite
Regain your ancient right

tunnel hounds no longer ignore
or we'll gnash and smash and gnaw!

oops theres the sound oh so distinct
wonder why lizardies nearly went extinct?

Tunnel Hounds of P.#. $. N. Unite
Regain your ancient Hearth rights!"

"But its for the good of Teckelstein!" barked Sassy

"Er I forget to trim off Proudly Printed by Teckelsteins' Radicals and Rebels Workshop off the bottom" answered Goldie.

The dachshund groaned and slumped to the ground.

"Well ladies I need to get home for supper. You two better come with. Perhaps some of my friends and neighbours might have ideas?"

Monday, 11 June 2012

Meanwhile back in A real world.

There are several worlds universes continuums and dimensions that are (self) regarded as being the prime original source of the all the others.

For sanity and plotting sake I'll presume mine is real.

Anyway in A real world possibly this one a gracious cyborg was offering tea and biscuits to Doctor A who had dropped in on his way home from the office to his own residence further along the road.

"...and I've kept the tea leaves for you to feed the triffids. Are you still having trouble training the delivery people?"

"Well I did get the girls pruned just to be on the safe side but no they all know to leave things by the front door now" replied Dr. A

"So when will Reg be getting back? Do you mind if I watch the evening news here? I'vn't had a chance to finish unpacking the new plasma big screen."

"Oh I'm so looking forward to that!" responded HerInside.

Meanwhile at another REAL world Sassy and Goldie were inside the Cintamani Chapel reading the visitor's book. NO Goldie didnt get stomped by a giant robot it was a near miss though!

"Why are we doing this again if we already know we cant make a wish for three days?" asked Goldie.

"cos if there's not a proper time loop time may branch and guess who will probably have to make the timestreams converge again? "

"oooh that would be you and Jonahexed. You know how I am with physics and there's the whole lack of an opposable thumb thing," answered Goldie.

"ah here's the page with a copy of the wish ... oh Mr. L@$%^# what have you done! But why would that make Teckelstein fade out?" Oh I think we need to phone this and show the page to greater and more twisty minds than ours.

Meanwhile back on Another REAL World Dr. A was turning an interesting shade of pale under his usual public servant pallor as he and HerInside watched the Evening News.

"Another update on the global fan prank trend. Yes all across the world people presumably fans are dressing up as characters and attacking rioting or demonstrating in right or inside of authors home and publishing companies. Live from Ter.. "

Two elderly ladies dressed in dark clothing and holding broomsticks were standing in front of a cowering gibbering author  yelling at a mob consisting of dwarves, trolls, vampires and others, including a group of people who seemed to be wearing Roman armor but carrying police batons, and some very academic looking wizards.

"Clearoff you lot and go home. Leave the poor man alone!"

"And over in the USA there's a herd of angry white horses in the front yard of a certain noted fantasy author In Pasadena  geeks are running riot shouting Bazinga!  and  in New York the head office of a certain media ... well there's explosions screaming and a mob in costumes down in the street demanding friends and relatives be re-inserted into ..."

Dr.A changed the channel yet again.

"Live from Cardiff People are claiming to have seen pterodactyls and ghosts and just in we have footage on what has to be a fan prank a woman in Victorian clothing chasing the producers of Dah she really shrieking  stop damaging my fresh paintwork...!?"

"Reports from Tokyo. Large balloons resembling Gozdilla and other movie monsters are drifting across the bay and are approaching the shoreline. Well we hope they're balloons?!

Meanwhile reports from the South Pacific of undersea volcanoes forming small isles with unusual speed and other odd activities around the Lord Howe rise and certain deep sea ridges ..."

"A publicity stunt or filming for a new War of the Worlds or H. G. Wells movie seems to have misfired literally with reports of explosions, a forest fire, and a replica of his Time Machine falling from the sky and blocking a major roadway ..."

"Scotland yard is under siege or would be if the several versions of Sherlock Holmes hadn't gotten into a fight in the car park. Meanwhile across  people claiming to be fictional detectives pathologists and consultants have showed up for work and taken over offices."

The TV showed a group that seemed to consist of Lord Peter Wimsey, Hercules Poiret, and a small child called Bertie who really should have been in Edinburgh.

Stay tuned for more mayhem and mischief with the Temporal Pests!