Two Englishmen

Two Englishmen

... mmm ... well one's sorta Anglo-Irish but ...


In a place that is between worlds even when worlds converge there is a wood full of ponds that are portals in one section but there is also beyond a small pond and river a village and in that village a house on a hill with a large tree in the garden framing a view of a distant mountain. In that house two English men were having afternoon tea. There was ham and cheese and sandwiches and scones and berries and cream and a pot of tea which was always the right temperature and coffee that was never bitter and other delights. One of them had a pipe full of tobacco which never made you sick and really did have a fragant aroma and was blowing smoke rings. The other was looking out the window.Their wives who were out in the garden tending herbs waved up at him.

"Jack the mail is about to arrive!"

A moment later a very large pigeon wearing a WWII pilots cap came through the window and perched on the tea tables edge patiently waiting for an reward of hot buttered scone as the man called jack untied the message scroll from the bird.

"Ron duty calls!"

The two men got up from the teatable donned sensible woollen jackets with really useful deep pockets and picked up walking sticks made of a wood from a tree of the sort spirits dwell in and stranger creatures.

A small unicorn tossed its mane at them in greeting as they crossed into the forest and approached a pond from  which steam was rising. It showed a mass of swirling red and black clouds and a planetoid surrounded by a force field appraoching Earths sun with ramscoops extended to collect plasma to restart fusion reactors and odder devices .

"Mmm Teckelstein's powering up for something."

Next powering up ...

The Wizards of London

LONDON CHURNING
 and burning too!
and the resident wizards are not happy!

Sassy Goldie and Jonahexed had intended to park Lady Zen Shipper at the park at the end of Respite Street.
The street however was a smouldering ruin with fires still burning in some houses, others destroyed completely, and the surface of the street cracked and split with holes and impact craters.

"where are all the people?" cried Sassy, "oh no, Reg, Her, Dr. A!"

"One of those piles of rubble is moving?" Fluvia stated.

A metallic arm could be seen punching upwards moving rubble aside. Very soon a cyborg housewife wearing a charred frilly apron could been seen smashing rubble and heard screaming too.

"My garden! My garden!"

Reg was the next to emerge from the cellar moving over to the part of the rubble apparently covering his taxi and was using his levitators to bob up and down in a manner both erratic and irate.

"My taxi! My beautiful cab! OY! I just had her waxed polished last week! #$!@##@$#%$$@!"

JonaHexed pointed towards the centre of the city.

The ground was churning. Roads leading towards the city were rippling and cracking. Something was moving under the ground. The buildings of the city were moving too shaking and swaying. Tentacles were rising from the ground. Burning tentacles belonging to some being with a biochemistry allowing it to have a body temperature so high its touch burnt and melted everything around it.

The Subchthonic races were rising to the surface.

Squads of angry archaeozooic reptilians awakened from hibernation were also rampaging the streets along with survivors from buried alien shipwrecks and mole like people and pale skinned subterranean adapted hominids plus a light scattering of fast and slow swarms of zombies.

Directly below them other survivors were climbing up out of the ruins.

Dr A was amongst them and he was very unhappy with a look that could quall civil servants of several ranks. He was so angry he was actually visibly using magic. Fires were going out around him and frost forming on the ground immediately about him.

"Should we be worried that Dr. A might be going dark?" asked Fluvia.

"There's one than one Wizard in London," stated JonaHexed.

"So?" asked Fluvia.

"Yes there they are walking up the street towards us!" replied JonaHexed pointing at a group walking towards them. The group included a beraggled middle aged mage with what could only be called dirty blonde hair in a rather grotty trench coat who was smoking, the owner of a shop that was really more a storage unit for arcane items, and some clearly upper class individual with an air of authority in a very expensive but well kept older coat and suit. He had an apprentice with him a young man part West African in appearance but all Londoner.

The smoker stopped walking opened his mouth to speak and begun to his horror to cough and wheeze.

The others glared at him and one of them muttered cynically
" ... well that proves the Laws of Magic have changed his anti-lung damage spell has stopped working."

"I don't suppose ..." asked the authoritative looking man "Young Timothy or any of the Potters have shown up amongst this chaos or that fellow from Chicago or that New York based mage or any of the Merlins?"

"I am here!" snapped Dr. A giving them a look that could have turned Epping Forest into a barren polar waste.

"We're here too!" remarked Sassy with distracting cheeriness sensing a possible fight.

There was an equally distracting hissing noise in the distance as larges wave suddenly surged up out of the Thames and its tributaries putting out many of the fires in the city.

"ah the Ladies of the River have taken action!" remarked the man in the old but stylish overcoat.

"some one is going to pay for the damage to my triffid collection!" snarled Dr. A who was glaring at the ruins of his house and garden.

"AH" cooed fluvia using her most seductively dangerous tone of voice,"speaking about that perhaps you gentlemen would like to assist us ...?"

to be continued sooner or later

 The Island of Lost girls

"How do we find the Island of Lost Girls?" yelped Sassy consulting her list.

"Never heard of it myself," stated Fluvia, "Which is Odd. I wrote a thesis on finding lost artifacts missing worlds and secret headquarters of cosmic conspiracies. Then I rewrite it for the mass market as a best selling how to guide series! Which paid for so many delightful things!"

"Island of the Lost Girls!" barked Sassy, "does that mean anything to anyone here?"

"Mmm ... I think I took a fare there once?" stated Reg.

"But where Reg? Where?"

"Somewhere nowhere. They told me to stop the taxi on the edge of a huge mass of clouds and a landing platform suddenly appeared. My fares got out and the platform disappeared and the whole cloud mass MOVED! That was spooky. It rumbled at me and moved off."

"Reg I said Island of the Lost Girls not Disappearing Cloud!" retorted Sassy shaking her head and ears.

"Well the fare was two little girls and the landing platform had a sign saying Welcome Home Lost Girls!" snapped Reg, "and that was so odd I took a special note of the co-ordinates."

"Reg you are the very best Dawllawk in the Multiverse!" cried Sassy.

"I'm the only Dawllawk in the Multiverse," grumbled Reg,

"Here are the co-ordinates ..."

Lady Zen Shipper and her passengers soon found themselves floating somewhere above the Mid West next to a large mass of clouds.

"So how do we get inside the cloud or whatever is inside that cloud?" asked Fluvia studying it through Lady Zen Shippers currently open air lock.

Sassy and Goldie were standing by her feet.

"Oh I had a thought!" exclaimed Goldie.

"A rare and beautiful thing," muttered another of the passengers.

Goldie took a deep breath and exhaled the words.

"HELLO GIRLS WOULD YOU LIKE SOME NEW PLAYMATES!"

The clouds moved.

One section of them reached out and turned into a bridge one end barely touching the ship the other connected to a tunnel.

Sassy placed one paw on the bridge then another and then confident it was solid trotted across it followed by Goldie and then Fluvia.

The tunnel lead to an open meadow with fruit trees and swings and flowers and a shallow clear brook leading into a small pond  perfect for wading or swimming.

Girls were playing in it with unicorns and puppies and kittens and griffins.

Two girls however were practicing martial arts feinting at each other.

Sassy run over to them calling out what she hoped were their names.

"Hello are you Bethany and Sinh?"

"And I'm Lena!" announced a petite girl walking towards them.


To be continued.

What will our band of misfits refugees and leftovers do next?

Afternoon Tea

Afternoon Tea with Bamfs and PR

Sassy barked an important announcement.

"Okay everyone according to my notes we have a BIG fight scene coming up so we're going to break for afternoon tea or coffee or whatever you drink, non-alcoholic, please!"

And now we're ignoring the Fourth Wall! Again!

Now for a direct appeal from our characters!


Ladies and Gentle Beings our scribe has gotten somewhat distracted by her annnual frenzy of almost useless prexmas PR for card and gift design.

We keep telling her she should just focus on us but then she despairing looks at the Google stats and glares at us and then despairing looks at the lack of sales or PayPal donations and then logs off the computer and does some boring and mundane chore like pay a bill or cook or wash clothes sooo please remember to tell your friends and family to visit temporal pests or one of our scribes other sites like

 www.cafepress.com/voxyvisions or www.redbubble.com/people/scholara

oh yes we nearly forget the scribe is glaring at us by the way

our scribe works casually so she gets NO vacation pay and the local college just ended its term so no work for six weeks so please think about visiting those sites and helping her with some PR okay

Now back to Afternooon Tea.

One of the reasons people were willing to work for and with Sassy and Goldie was that Lady Zen Shipper had some amazing recipes in her replicator and some wonderful goodies in storage.

Real Italian Gelato served in Ming dynasty porcelain bowls.

Japanese tea sweets. A choice of ice or hot tea green or "black".

Freshly baked scones with REAL cream and jam.

Tiny but delicious little dumplings and pastries and small but intensely flavorsome chocolates.

And real picnic rugs scattered with cushions and parasols for thos ewho needed them.

Fluvia and girls from Pasadena were pouring tea for the others and even the B$%fs
were behaving after an initial attempt to swarm and grab all the cake at all had been stopped by Fluvia heroicly cooing "Who needs a group hug?"

She had briefly disappeared into a swarm of B$%fs until the other ladies girls and women present grabbed a few B$%fs each and helped her with the group hug.

Now sated with affection and cakes the B%^Fs were being also adorable and were walking around the picnicers offering plates and platters of food.

"How many things are left on this list?" asked Fluvia.

"We're about half way through it both time and item wise!" replied Sassy.

Next time what's happening elsewhere.

One Lab Accident

"Now what's next on our list?" asked Goldie, although she was quite capable of reading it herself.

Sassy was squinting earnestly with a very serious expression at the list.

"We've got cavalry and air support but we need a flock of dodos and to arrange a freak storm in pasadena to cause a lab accident to an Amy FF, some called pennypennypenny! and Bernie ... is ... gosh who wrote this for me ... is that name wolowiz?"

Meanwhile in Pasadena other people had similar ideas and two Ph.D., a Masters in Engineering and a waitress were setting up chemicals and other devices while Mrs Wolowiz and Superpandit were watching them. Superpandit was floating four feet off the floor as his new levitation abilities had gotten stuck on HOVER.

"Okay people if we're right about how the laws of physics have changed an open window a kitchen bench covered with dangerous chemicals and  a few of his hairs should allow us to locate the East Texan Mantis Monster along with this picture Stuie draw for us and the scrabble board on the table.

Now how do we get the freak weather or electrical discharge?"

Some short time later in the stratosphere Lady Zen Shipper was cloud herding disguised as an airship with camo gray cloud patterns.

"All right are we above Pasadena yet?  Everyone got their safety googles on?" asked JonaHexed dressed in a dashing 30s style lab jacket steam punk googles and black rubber boots.

"Oh can I do the count down wehn you pull the lever?" squealed Goldie!

"Lets all do it start chanting folks!" cried JonaHeXed as he started moving the lever downwards.

"TEN!" There was a humming sound.

"NINE!" An whiff of ozone!

"EIGHT!" Well yeah you're going to have to READthe SFX unless I suddenly start getting ahelluva lot of Paypal tokens of appreciation so I can pay a PRO to draw this and other scenes and no one has used the paypal yet and Christmas is coming and ...

"SEVEN" Fluvia's hair begun to frizz with static electricity and Sassy's heckles rose.

"SIX" Down in Pasadena the waitress exclaimed

"Oh a freak unforecast storm!"

"FIVE" "Everyone get inside the circle or stand next to the chemicals!" shouted one of the Ph.D's in Pasadena.

"FOUR"

"THREE"

"TWO"

Okay everyone reader participation time!

"ONE!"

A massive discharge of over excited molecules wove a mass of air into a pathway for power and flashed downwards thru the window.

Next time have our fearless heroines made new allies?

what fresh hell

What Fresh Hell for Fabrics!

The girls were interrogating Dark Caper who was confined within a large glass jar with a screwtop lid so it couldnt be opened from inside.

"Okay you insolent piece of sentient cloth TALK!" snapped Goldie!

"They promised ..." whimpered the villianous fabric its folds quivering with fear and angst or possibly just embarassment at being defeated so easily YET AGAIN, "they promised this time we win and get what we want!

Let me out! Let me go! I need a body! Lemme OUT! OUT! OUT!"

The jar rattled as Dark Caper writhed.

Fluvia held up pinking shears and waved them.

Dark Caper whimpered again.

"Who promised?" asked Goldie.

"Mister L sent messages to all the others. All the great ones. Many of us lesser ones. Instead of fighting the heroes we attack one of the nodes. A node with a cintamani! Mr. L made a big wish!"

"Mister L made a big wish for himself not everyone else!
And that Big wish somehow cut Teckelstein off from most realities and dreamings!" snarled Sassy.

"Mister L said now we control the node we can all have a wish. So long as we can keep the heroes away until the next wish and Mister L is very clever!"

(Scribal Note If you're reading the blogpost version go back and reread wimblytime!

For the lazy ...


"I A@#$^&*@( L56789 of Continuum %@ offer up my soul in return for denying access to this node and wishing jewel for three days Earth Greenwich Time twentieth century to any being or power who can stop me re-inserting my cloneson back into my reality on the understanding that a) whatever happens after the three day period my clone son remains real and gets to live to a healthy old age dying a heroic death and b) related and linked condition the first person to make a wish after that three day period can not undo this one whatever happens to me so may it be!")

"I don't see how this big wish effects Teckelstein unless ..." speculated Fluvia, " ... unless ...what does this wishing jewel do ? Anything apart granting wishes?"

"oh that's all it does so the Time Cops keep it at the node so it can't be used except to correct major reality distortions!" answered Sassy.

"oh girls there's a clue there somewhere reality distortions, crossovers between universes and Teckelstein blocked from ours."

There was a rattling sound as Dark Caper's folds shifted like black ink inside the jar as the Evil Textile tried to shift its mass to unbalance the the jar so it would fall over and maybe crack open.

Blocked ... balanced ... flowing ...." muttered Fluvia," shfiting balance ... fluid mass ... oh girls EEEEurekaaa!"

"That's a Greek verb," remarked Goldie.

"no no no darlings don't you see History can be rewritten becasue Time flows! panta ..."

"Time is a river and they're interfered with the water works!" shrieked  Dark Caper.

"Breached the dam walls and washed Teckelstein away!" yelped Sassy.

"No all the worlds and universe floating joining together in a mess of flotsam and wreckage making it possible for l's wish to be granted because the usual agents of order cant untangle the mess so there must be someone or several people associated with Teckelstein who can?!" cried Fluvia.

"SO Teckelstein's floating around like a cork out of a bottle?" asked Goldie.

"I'ld like to be floating out of this glass jar. Its Fresh hell for me!" demanded Dark Caper.

"Bother we're the agents of order aren't we?" snapped Sassy, "cos we don't hate Lex's boy so the wish doesnt effect us?

"SOOO now what!" demanded Goldie.

Indeed!

It was very difficult to impress a Goullawk queen and a dachshund who routinely flit about throughout time and space but a conversation with an avatar of a Boddhisattva riding a dragon will do it.

"Gosh I'm sorta Catholic" muttered Sassy, "I was expecting the Angel in charge of Dachshunds or Saint Francis or maybe Saints Jack and Ron?"

(Scribal note if you cant figure it from the next line consider what the nicknames were of two leading mid twentieth century academics who were also writers.)

"Jack and Ron are busy having a talk with that producer in New Zealand.
Now Ladies you two are straying off the WAY ..."

"But we're following the list!" interrupted Goldie.

"Yes girls but are you thinking about why certain people and items are on the list?" retorted Tara firmly yet gently. "For example you already have Lady Zen Shipper so why will you be using a Vortex Manipulator? Have you thought about why certain people are not on that list? what that means? Please go somewhere quiet for a while and think about it?

Tara departed leaving behind a lingering aroma of blossom and a layer of petals all over the courtyard to the initial annoyment of the groundskeeper until a few months later he noticed the compost he added the swept up blossoms to was unusually effective.

Fluvia who had been extremely quiet for her while Tara had been speaking lead them off to a teashop for scones with jam and cream and a large pot of Ti Kuan Yin tea to ingest while they reconsidered their list.

Next time its an Oval Office

Herding Cats

Herding cats and dragons.

Organizing dragons into groups for joint action is a feat similar to herding cats. Unlikely but possible if the cats have a common gaol.

Pleasing a human they're fond of. Defending kits. Receiving praise.

Getting an annoying small dragonoid to go away.

Then again they may just ignore every effort you make.

Goldie had been sitting on a beach for quite some time next to a pile of collectables and bling shrieking bulging and yodelling in every dragonish lanaguage she know attempting to attract attention so she could get a larger sea dragon or a flier to get her over and up to Dragonmont.

Several potential cusotmers were circling overhead. Some of them had swooped down and attempted to help themselves or taunted her screaming back,
"Oooh look its the LITTLE Goullawk!"

"Hey look its the girl who got banned from Dragonmont!"

Golid retorted loudly.

"Hey I've got Sara Lee Chocolate Cheesecake and it's defrosting ..."
Goldie paused to take a deep breath before she screamed,
" . . . and I've got Pavlova ... and Dwarf Wrought Gold Collars  ... and EMBROIDERED QUILTED EGG WARMERS from a Suzhou workshop and ..."

There was apparently a surfeit and surplus of gold collars and sweet treats but egg warmers were in demand!

Soon a few doting mothers descended and begun to inspect the goodies.

There was a brief tantrum of wing clattering and threats and tail spiking until one female dragon with steam emitting spikes drove off the others.

"Iski!" sqealed Goldie in delight,"You're in egg?! Oh I can godmother him or her! Sooo how come you're willing to defy the High Flight and get me up to Dragonmont."

"Hey I'm between books and you know me ...  me take orders from anyone unless I profit and most of the High Flight are BOYS! I can outfly them easily! So time for showing how splendid I am in flight. Flump into my harness dear and we'll be up up and away!"

There was a rumor that Dragonmont was situated on an actual world rather then being a dreaming place and that it was one occupied maybe even created by the Dragonoid equivalent of posthumans who had transcended physicality. The constellations moved. There were seasons and storms and cloudy skies to dive through yet sometimes the clouds took on dragon like shapes and had eyes. Ancient sometimes kindly sometimes angry but definitely non human eyes.

Iski and Goldie however were not thinking about that. Iski was trying to catch a thermal and rise up towards the summit of Dragonmont. Dragonmont was an enormous large island probably volcanic in origin though martian size volcanoes were not normally possible on Earth type planets. Especially not volcanoes with grottoes both natural and carved and a plentitude of hot and cold springs and cliffs to soar and glide off and wide ledges and caves for nesting and multiple rings of coral reefs swarming with fish of all sizes.

The lower slopes had villages of friendly biped species willing to groom dragons and make jewellery for them and some race had carved steps and ramps and roads spiralling up and through the mountain side. There were castles to explore and crystal towers and singing stones and a patrol of Guardians racing outwards towards Goldie and Iski.

"YOU!" roared the leader, "are banned from these august and blessed slopes!"

Iski roared back and then folded her wings and plummeted downwards and made a narrow escape into a cloud bank thickening into a storm. he headed inwards toward what would be the eye of the storm. Lightning was starting to flicker from cloud to cloud and dangerously close but Iski fearlessly caught a updraft towards the top of the clouds. The air was thin and dark above but the summit of Dragonmont was visible . As they exited the storm behind them the clouds briefly shifted to a face that winked and smiled  like a boddhisattva if a boddhisattva could be a Dragon.

Stars were visible at the summit of Dragonmont and vast ancient beings resting on the warm ashes that gently rose from an inner cone. Eyes opened to study Iski and Goldie even before Goldie called out to them.

"Hello everyone I'm back. Yes already and have I got news for you!
Some very naughty people are trying to re-arrange the multiverse again and they tried to delete Teckelstein! Isn't that just so bad?!

"A multiverse or any universe with less dachshunds mmmm?" grumbled one of the High Flight.

"Were you NOT told of being banned from this holy place?" hissed another.

A third one stood up and lumbering closer to Goldie and Iski and reached out with one limb in a manner that suggested he could easily and willingly flick Goldie off the summit with one extended claw.

Iski hissed inhaled and shook her ruff to its full extent and coiled her tail and hind parts around the Goullawk.

The Goullawk poked her head up over Iski's protective embrace and glanced at them like a parrot considering sidling along a cage bar to approach a treat.

"Well a fine way to greet a Lady this is!" she snapped.

Some one sniggered in a very unenlightened and vulgar manner.

"Has it occurred to any of you if Teckelstein goes this place might be the next target?" asked Goldie.

There was a brief chorus of hissing groaning and bellowings of denial and annoyment.

"Why is this a problem? We can defeat any fool who invades!" replied one.

Goldie squeezed out of Iski's coils and flumped over to him.

She stared up at the huge Elder and then turned around to look at the others.

"I live in Teckelstein when I' m not living adventures.
If Teckelstein goes then I'll need a new home.
I may be banned from Dragonmont but not the rest of this world ..."

"YET!" snapped another Dragon elder.

"and if Teckelstein goes I WILL move here!"

Some one made an odd choking noise so faint it was hard to tell if it was  a muffled sound of apprecation of the Goullakw's defiance or gagged horror at the prospect of Goldie taking up full time residence.

"And" continued the Goullawk, "I'll apply to join the council which means one of you will have to supervise my trials mmm?"

There was a brief silence while the Elders conferred telepathically.

"All right what do we have to do to get you back home!"


Goldie very smugly started reciting details and plans.

To be continued at the usual erratic pace sometime soon.

Next time maybe another look at Teckelstein.

Toil and Trouble and Time Machines.

Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.

"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.

Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.

The future self whined in exasperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.

"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"

"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.

"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.

"Number One obtain strap on time travel device."

"But we have Lady Zen Shipper!  ... has something happened to her?" asked Sassy.

"Number Two contact ALL the people listed on the back of this note.

Number Three release prisoners! by the way they have Jonahexed!

Number Four

 One wish is all it takes but apparently I willnt be the one making it according to the person who told me that

Number Five Watch out for people who look like  two middle aged hikers with English accents and a teenaged girl who isn't called Tara."

The paper with the list fell to the ground as Future Self Sassy either disappeared or imploded with a loud POP.

Sassy and Goldie sat there puzzled until Reg came out of sleath mode and descended to land next to them.

Reg came out of his taxi saw the list and started to read it and turned over and read the list on the other side.

"Well you two have work to do don't you?

There's an awful lot of dragons on this list Goldie?"

"WHY do I have to do the dragons!?" complained the the Goullawk swashing her tail and imperiously rising her head and spreading her crest.

Reg retorted with a list.

"Dragonoid being with scales. Who speaks several darkish lingos.
 Domineering personality. Dates other dragons. Dates outside her species.
Has one reluctant boyfriend who's a dragon mage.
Goes shopping with someone even more obsessed with bling with her for gold plated prosthetics for poor whassa his Gra ... "

"Gold is good!" hissed the Goullawk, " . . . so I helped Iski pick up out a commissioned piece of art work over in Ankh and Morpor ..."

"I thought you were banned from most of the dwarvish jewellers there?" asked Reg in a tone of almost malevolent innocence.

"I really don't need a trip to Longshan at the moment," hissed Goldie.

"It's Luau night there! You always try to get barbecue nights unless ... oh you haven't been banned again have you? OH Goldie what was it this time?" cried Sassy.

"er mmm er uh well I might have to apologize for both of us to a few people for pamphleteeering again on P.#.$.N." stated Goldie trying too obviously to be cool and nonchalant.

"OOOOH" sniggered Reg," You two been handing out copies of Workers of P.#.$.N UNITE AGAIN!"

Scribal note For some curious reason this song has NOT been widely distributed throughout Fandom.

 "Tunnel Hounds of P.#.$.N Unite
to regain your hearth Rights.

Who keeps the watch wherriess warm at Night
under the cold dread starlight?

who turns the spit for your steaks
who chases off tunnelsnakes ?

Who gets all the darn glory
who hogs most of the story?

who does the work down in the gloom
while dragonkin thru the skies zoom

workers of P.#.$. N. Unite
Regain your ancient right

tunnel hounds no longer ignore
or we'll gnash and smash and gnaw!

oops theres the sound oh so distinct
wonder why lizardies nearly went extinct?

Tunnel Hounds of P.#. $. N. Unite
Regain your ancient Hearth rights!"


"But its for the good of Teckelstein!" barked Sassy

"Er I forget to trim off Proudly Printed by Teckelsteins' Radicals and Rebels Workshop off the bottom" answered Goldie.

The dachshund groaned and slumped to the ground.

"Well ladies I need to get home for supper. You two better come with. Perhaps some of my friends and neighbours might have ideas?"

Temporal Pests - transit to trouble

TRANSIT TO TROUBLE

Things get worse for our mischievous duo.

Sassy was still trying to figure out what her doppelganger had meant as she and Goldie moved through a quantum tunnel back into the summery meadow on another world in which they had parked Lady Zen Shipper. The Lady’s external imaging currently had her looking like a statute of a pagan goddess sleeping on a large plinth.

The Dachshund and Dragonoid Duo trotted and flumped over to the outer door, pushed a carved symbol together, and entered their travel device. Goldie squealed with glee and leaped into a pool of water suspended midair from a cup shaped force field mounted from what was usually the roof as Sassy climbed onto the control cushion and pulled down the panel covering the interface board by using a handle designed to fit a canid mouth. She placed her front paws onto it and waited for the cognitive interface to lower onto her head and activate.

A richly modulated female voice responded,

 “Testing Pilot authorization. DNA print acknowledged.
C. von Teckel please indicate the program of your choice.”

“Single pilot control. Start navigation plan for return to Teckelstein.” barked Sassy.

If you had been outside and watching you would have seen the plinth and goddess disappear to be replaced by a large shimmering ovoid that begun to revolve and vibrate faster and faster until it seemed to lift off the ground and blink out at near light speed.

Inside the ship you would have heard a voice saying.

“Transit begins. Scanning for Primary Teckelstein Quantum Resonance Patterns. Secondary resonance detected. Scanning for Primary patterns. Scanning for Temporal Lock Beacon. Navigation Locking Error. Unable to Initiate Temporal Shift. Secondary patterns are fluctuating. Warning massive temporal shift! Warning use safety devices! Warning Timestorm detected. Warning massive temporal flux.”

Goldie shut down her antigravity swimming pool and dove down into a pile of cushions that re-arrranged themselves into padded straps.

Sassy voice-activated her own safety straps and asked their ship,

 “Lady Zen please try to scan for point of origin of Temporal disturbance. Try to scan for Teckelstein at a different timespace co-ordinate, Earth in the Middle Ages, or the future when part of Teckelstein was a space colony. We can always move back or forward once we have a spatial lock.”

“Scanning. Secondary resonances only. No co-ordinates matching recorded primary pattern. Secondary resonances fluctuating. Visual display Activating.”

Part of the wall of the control room became a large high definition flat screen showing one of many possible future Teckelsteins. All that could seen was a valley full of dying trees and ruined buildings, a wasteland, with a war machine lumbering through the ruins. The scan shifted to a possible past. A dragon with scales of a dark coppery and paws and muzzle reddened with blood was feasting on dead humans. Half melted medieval weaponry was scattered around the bodies. A smaller dragon was visible who seemed to have been ravaged by something’s claws and flame. It was struggling in vain to take flight with wings that looked like the same cruel something had maliciously tried to chew them off. In the distance a stone castle burnt with green flames.

Sassy whimpered as more and more scenes showing ever worsening scenarios presented themselves until there was only one left. A young European Bronze Age hunter had discovered the mountain-side cave of one of the last descendants of the hominoid people now known as Neanderthals and then as the Wild Folk of the Forest. The Neanderthaloid had a pack of canids with puppies, who were strange shaggy dwarvish things, like the hominid they shared a den with, not exactly hounds with short legs, or terriers, but something ancestral to both types of canids. The elderly hominid beckoned in a friendly manner to the younger human and presented a squirming tail-wagging pup, holding it up to him in one large hand as a gift of friendship. The young human looked at the strange creature who seemed to be half giant with his large deepset eyes, massive projecting nose, round chinless face, and equally massive shoulders and arms, and yet dwarvish and stunted below the waist line with shorter legs beginning to become withered from the effects of osteo-arthritis and other ailments.
"
“ … yes … ,” whispered Sassy anxiously, remembering her history classes, “You take the pup and offer your protection to the Spirit Walker of the Old Ones and he shows you how to align your fields and settlement to the local geoforces, the ley lines to create a Holy Earth Covering place."

 (*Teg is an ancient and honorable Indoeuropean Radical!)

Sassy yelped in horror as the human’s face darkened in a moment of fear and rage. She shuddered, watching as the Old One turned his back to him, bending over to offer him a cup of fresh spring water, and yelped in dismay as the human threw the pup at the cave wall, and attacked the Old One stabbing him in the back then spinning him around to slice his neck open.

Goldie squawked seeing the screen and Sassy’s reaction.

“That wasn’t suppose to happen was it?
Sassy you said he took the pup and made friends and that was the start of Teckelstein? Not that! Not …”

Lady Zen Shipper made an announcement.

“Secondary resonances stabilizing. We have a weak signal from the Primary Source. Timestream fluctuations are lessening. The Primary Source is … fading again. Temporal flux increasing. Probability of external temporal manipulation 89.4% and rising. Probability of deliberate attempt to alter Teckelstein’s Timeline 95.7% rising! Probability of Teckelstein stabilizing … still fluctuating!”

“There’s hope,” muttered Sassy.

Elsewhere there was laughter as a bunch of definitely evil and intentionally malicious beings capered around a large crystal and gleefully watched the image of a valley walled by snow capped mountains waver and flicker as the edges of its reality literally unravelled.

“See what did I tell you!” boasted one of them, “Teckelstein’s the ideal test object to see if we can use the node to alter histories across the multi-verse. It’s a small pocket universe currently anchored between several timelines and universes with regular links to them. No more annoying sentient dachshunds! Next we’ll remove their less sentient ancestors from the Prime Time Line and then we change the odds so we’re the Powers That Be and change things for our pleasure without having to worry about flash back syndrome. So whose lives do we ruin next?”

 A chorus of malicious suggestions commenced.

to be continued soon ... howsa bout some comments  readers?

Who are the Temporal Pests? 2016 reintro!

Shamelessly bumping intro to lure in new readers!

 This blog is the place to follow the adventures of the Temporal Pests Sassy and Goldie.

Sassy is from Teckelstein so she's an extra ordinary super sentient dachshund aristocrat from a pocket universe that can move throughout the multiverse and thru time and space.

Goldie is a Goullawk a refugee from fan fiction who's definitely a character.

I'm trying to arrange to have various pro artists do portraits of the girls but that requires MONEY so please use that Paypal tip jar and maybe suggest an artist too? Or support me via Patreon ?

Posts to this post will continue until I either find some one who wants to publish this as a print novel or ebook or comic or whatever.

Please move on to the next post and enjoy!

Temporal Pests Copyright Julie Vaux 2012