The Island of Lost girls

"How do we find the Island of Lost Girls?" yelped Sassy consulting her list.

"Never heard of it myself," stated Fluvia, "Which is Odd. I wrote a thesis on finding lost artifacts missing worlds and secret headquarters of cosmic conspiracies. Then I rewrite it for the mass market as a best selling how to guide series! Which paid for so many delightful things!"

"Island of the Lost Girls!" barked Sassy, "does that mean anything to anyone here?"

"Mmm ... I think I took a fare there once?" stated Reg.

"But where Reg? Where?"

"Somewhere nowhere. They told me to stop the taxi on the edge of a huge mass of clouds and a landing platform suddenly appeared. My fares got out and the platform disappeared and the whole cloud mass MOVED! That was spooky. It rumbled at me and moved off."

"Reg I said Island of the Lost Girls not Disappearing Cloud!" retorted Sassy shaking her head and ears.

"Well the fare was two little girls and the landing platform had a sign saying Welcome Home Lost Girls!" snapped Reg, "and that was so odd I took a special note of the co-ordinates."

"Reg you are the very best Dawllawk in the Multiverse!" cried Sassy.

"I'm the only Dawllawk in the Multiverse," grumbled Reg,

"Here are the co-ordinates ..."

Lady Zen Shipper and her passengers soon found themselves floating somewhere above the Mid West next to a large mass of clouds.

"So how do we get inside the cloud or whatever is inside that cloud?" asked Fluvia studying it through Lady Zen Shippers currently open air lock.

Sassy and Goldie were standing by her feet.

"Oh I had a thought!" exclaimed Goldie.

"A rare and beautiful thing," muttered another of the passengers.

Goldie took a deep breath and exhaled the words.

"HELLO GIRLS WOULD YOU LIKE SOME NEW PLAYMATES!"

The clouds moved.

One section of them reached out and turned into a bridge one end barely touching the ship the other connected to a tunnel.

Sassy placed one paw on the bridge then another and then confident it was solid trotted across it followed by Goldie and then Fluvia.

The tunnel lead to an open meadow with fruit trees and swings and flowers and a shallow clear brook leading into a small pond  perfect for wading or swimming.

Girls were playing in it with unicorns and puppies and kittens and griffins.

Two girls however were practicing martial arts feinting at each other.

Sassy run over to them calling out what she hoped were their names.

"Hello are you Bethany and Sinh?"

"And I'm Lena!" announced a petite girl walking towards them.


To be continued.

What will our band of misfits refugees and leftovers do next?

Afternoon Tea

Afternoon Tea with Bamfs and PR

Sassy barked an important announcement.

"Okay everyone according to my notes we have a BIG fight scene coming up so we're going to break for afternoon tea or coffee or whatever you drink, non-alcoholic, please!"

And now we're ignoring the Fourth Wall! Again!

Now for a direct appeal from our characters!


Ladies and Gentle Beings our scribe has gotten somewhat distracted by her annnual frenzy of almost useless prexmas PR for card and gift design.

We keep telling her she should just focus on us but then she despairing looks at the Google stats and glares at us and then despairing looks at the lack of sales or PayPal donations and then logs off the computer and does some boring and mundane chore like pay a bill or cook or wash clothes sooo please remember to tell your friends and family to visit temporal pests or one of our scribes other sites like

 www.cafepress.com/voxyvisions or www.redbubble.com/people/scholara

oh yes we nearly forget the scribe is glaring at us by the way

our scribe works casually so she gets NO vacation pay and the local college just ended its term so no work for six weeks so please think about visiting those sites and helping her with some PR okay

Now back to Afternooon Tea.

One of the reasons people were willing to work for and with Sassy and Goldie was that Lady Zen Shipper had some amazing recipes in her replicator and some wonderful goodies in storage.

Real Italian Gelato served in Ming dynasty porcelain bowls.

Japanese tea sweets. A choice of ice or hot tea green or "black".

Freshly baked scones with REAL cream and jam.

Tiny but delicious little dumplings and pastries and small but intensely flavorsome chocolates.

And real picnic rugs scattered with cushions and parasols for thos ewho needed them.

Fluvia and girls from Pasadena were pouring tea for the others and even the B$%fs
were behaving after an initial attempt to swarm and grab all the cake at all had been stopped by Fluvia heroicly cooing "Who needs a group hug?"

She had briefly disappeared into a swarm of B$%fs until the other ladies girls and women present grabbed a few B$%fs each and helped her with the group hug.

Now sated with affection and cakes the B%^Fs were being also adorable and were walking around the picnicers offering plates and platters of food.

"How many things are left on this list?" asked Fluvia.

"We're about half way through it both time and item wise!" replied Sassy.

Next time what's happening elsewhere.

Duckponds and Doctors

Duck Ponds and Doctors

While Goldie was motivating her fellow dragonoids Lady Zen Shipper was landing with a loud splash in a duck pond, of the sort that could been found in any neglected English Mid counties village lacking tourist attractions and bypassed by the new roadway or possibly somewhere completely different as there was smoke coming up from a working forge and from a nearby school people were chanting the letters of the ABC and it wasn't the Roman one.

Sassy exited Lady Zen shipper and trotted across the boarding ramp watched by some very irate geese and ducks complaining because they had just lost half the water in their pond and a few startled villagers who were much less noisier. One of the more sensible villagers was running up to the local castle. Sassy headed for the village school as her sensible canid hearing had recognized the distinctive tones of a certain voice.

"Very good class! Now we'll move on to revising Signs of Demonic Possession and Basic Gnomish. Don't forget after lunch a trip uphill to watch the testing of the latest defense automaton!"

"Can they do that without you? We need you elsewhere!" asked Sassy.

The teacher dressed with surprising elegance and refinement for a small village in black silk robes with silver jewellery looked at Sassy glanced  out the window at Lady Zen Shipper currently posing as a statue amidst the pond and then leapt out thru the open window changing mid leap into a black and silver dragon taking flight towards the castle. Sassy trotted after him.

Meanwhile back in HerInside's parlor Dr. A was watching the TV with increasing dismay as update after update confirmed his fears. Case Red Sky Falling was causing alternate realities and functionalites to fuse.
Also Young Robert had rung and announced since the situation was a Case Red Sky Falling and NOt Bad Lovecraftian Emerald Dream he and his wife were going to "do something safe and normal, the washing, a picnic, a sleep-in whatever, or maybe something sensible like catch a train to Edinburgh and have a talk with our author..."

On the TV screen an announcer was introducing a face Young Robert might have recognised but not Dr. A.

"" and live from Pasadena to explain the physics behnd universes merging is Dr Leon Ho..."
"Hey before we start I'ld like to ask if anyone has seen this missing person seen walking off with a group of people wearing black shouting out "Me join the Masters of the universe and NOT Wil Wheaton! Thank you hypothetical Deity!"

Yes gentle readers a certain person with a doctorate from Texas has escaped the Village and is wearing black.

At the Castle gates Sassy was barking for attention.

"MrBlackandSilver I know you're in there! Please come out we need you.
I need you. You're on my list. Not the list of potential dates for Goldie."

"Go away. No one's home. They just left on a quest!"

"What quest?" demanded Sassy.

"A quest to successfully visit the capital city and do some shopping  without getting involved in royal politicking or offending any priests or discovering any demonic manifestations or whatever!"

"Ask the resident witch what Red Sky Falling means," replied Sassy.

There was a brief silence then the gates opened and a reluctant trio came out, the shapeshifting dragon, a witch, and a man wearing reading glasses and a sword along with a tool bag on the  war belt.

"Does our author know you're here ... AGAIN?!" queried one of them.

"NO and I don't think she'll find out. Dr. January is not on my list." replied Sassy," Oh come on don't dawdle. You're between books or after a series anyway and we have to save the multiverse really soon!"

Meanwhile back in New York certain editors' worse nightmares had occurred. They had been cornered in their offices by a famous feline felon and a fearless female investigative reporter who wanted something done about their relationships.

"He finally told me he loved me and you B@#$%^&* reset the Demented Continuum," shrieked one while waving a whip, "and then you catered to the fanboys with that roof top scene. A third female standing outside the door threw a knife to the reporter who called out "Thanks!" and then pointed the knife at the petite brunette standing in the corridor next to two very tall striking redheads and begun ranting,
"You let them get married and me you keep waiting for DECADES and then finally I get my gorgeous combo of sincere loving smalltown boy and powerful alpha male alien and you You YOU ...."

The rest had be censored. I'm sure female readers can guess what would happen if SK and LL could get their hands on certain people.

Sassy however was busy. She had a Doctor to pick up! a doctor of archaeology called ... Fluvia Canta.

Technically Fluvia was custody. Fluvia who had several other names teasingly preferred to it as protective custody as not only did she have a spouse with a travelling device but some very special girlfriends to go shopping with, namely Sassy and Goldie.

Lady Zen Shipper appeared in the corridor outside of Fluvia's cell NS  young guard whimpered. "Nnononon not again," and didn't even bother trying for the phone. Sassy calmly walked over to the door of the cell and barked out a request,

"Darling know where I could find a Doctor of Archaeology who might know where I get a Vortex manipulator ?"

fluvia smiled and the lights went out.

The lights quickly came back on showing an empty corriodr and cell and the guard sighed and then cheered up thinking "oh well if she's away along enuff I can have her desert! Its Martian Apple Pie night!"

to be continued sooner or later

Still the wrong way to London.

After a few hours of shuffling hesitant attempts at repairs and annoying  zombie like from moans in the background from those occupants who'd faded into terminal dementia there was a brief period of frantic hysteria amongst the  Lost Souls of the Space Sargasso when Goldie started her own special brand of motivation which was a good circulation boosting tail slapping. Being hit by Goldie's tail flukes was a sensation perhaps best compared to being hit by a rubber coated Japanese Samurai Iron war fan. Effective and non lethal.

Finally Lady Zen Shipper's battered surface was patched with a mixture of quantum foam broken glass and fragments of miracle machines from old comics and pulp fiction and most of the Lost Souls had embarked save a few who refused to believe they could either leave or survive the transit and who had barricaded themselves into the bar.

Lady Zen Shipper lifted off on the top of the 1950s spaceship she had crashed on at arrival and slowly spin up to full speed.

Various people either closed their yes and prayed crossed their fingers tentacles or other manipulators or whimpered as Sassy reached out one paw to push down a huge button labelled Improbability Drive.

A Hourglass with two dice in it popped up of the control panel and spun.

The ship shuddered and shook and then everything blurred.

Reality returned as with a loud splash.

On the viewing screens was a sea with islands and one particularly large island. Winged beings were circling it. They were not Avian.

Goldie glared at the screen.

"All right before your nagging future self shows up again just give me the list. The universe is clearly telling me I have to go and suck up to my frenemies distant cousins and a few past and present boyfriends. Just haul this lot back to London and I'll join you later !" snarled an exasperated Goullawk, quite willing to do the right thing but annoyed at having to be both told and reminded to do it!

Goldie was also annoyed because she faced a long climb.The local reality parameters allowed for magical levitation or wind manipulation and natural flight but not antigravity devices. Unfortunately there were several hundred maybe thousand steps up to the top of Dragonmont unless she could persuade some one to fly her up. Or pay them. Fortunately she had some dragon size jewellery in her wardrobe.

(Goldie's wardrobe is rather like the kit of a certain former soldier now working in a certain city watch. Warehouse size. Full of objects perhaps not acquired by fully legal or ethical methods. Her definition of borrowing was even looser than that of certain Miniature English Hominids.)

Lady Zen Shipper took off minus a few Lost Souls who liked the idea of living on a tropical island as Goldie started swimming towards Dragonmont.

Next Time Goldie on Dragonmont.

Most dragons are bling obsessed carnivores with healthy appetites for metal objects and animal protein and limited social skills.

Can Goldie persuade them to help?

Are Group activities run by Goullawks possible?

AWK!


 

Toil and Trouble and Time Machines.

Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.

"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.

Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.

The future self whined in exasperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.

"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"

"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.

"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.

"Number One obtain strap on time travel device."

"But we have Lady Zen Shipper!  ... has something happened to her?" asked Sassy.

"Number Two contact ALL the people listed on the back of this note.

Number Three release prisoners! by the way they have Jonahexed!

Number Four

 One wish is all it takes but apparently I willnt be the one making it according to the person who told me that

Number Five Watch out for people who look like  two middle aged hikers with English accents and a teenaged girl who isn't called Tara."

The paper with the list fell to the ground as Future Self Sassy either disappeared or imploded with a loud POP.

Sassy and Goldie sat there puzzled until Reg came out of sleath mode and descended to land next to them.

Reg came out of his taxi saw the list and started to read it and turned over and read the list on the other side.

"Well you two have work to do don't you?

There's an awful lot of dragons on this list Goldie?"

"WHY do I have to do the dragons!?" complained the the Goullawk swashing her tail and imperiously rising her head and spreading her crest.

Reg retorted with a list.

"Dragonoid being with scales. Who speaks several darkish lingos.
 Domineering personality. Dates other dragons. Dates outside her species.
Has one reluctant boyfriend who's a dragon mage.
Goes shopping with someone even more obsessed with bling with her for gold plated prosthetics for poor whassa his Gra ... "

"Gold is good!" hissed the Goullawk, " . . . so I helped Iski pick up out a commissioned piece of art work over in Ankh and Morpor ..."

"I thought you were banned from most of the dwarvish jewellers there?" asked Reg in a tone of almost malevolent innocence.

"I really don't need a trip to Longshan at the moment," hissed Goldie.

"It's Luau night there! You always try to get barbecue nights unless ... oh you haven't been banned again have you? OH Goldie what was it this time?" cried Sassy.

"er mmm er uh well I might have to apologize for both of us to a few people for pamphleteeering again on P.#.$.N." stated Goldie trying too obviously to be cool and nonchalant.

"OOOOH" sniggered Reg," You two been handing out copies of Workers of P.#.$.N UNITE AGAIN!"

Scribal note For some curious reason this song has NOT been widely distributed throughout Fandom.

 "Tunnel Hounds of P.#.$.N Unite
to regain your hearth Rights.

Who keeps the watch wherriess warm at Night
under the cold dread starlight?

who turns the spit for your steaks
who chases off tunnelsnakes ?

Who gets all the darn glory
who hogs most of the story?

who does the work down in the gloom
while dragonkin thru the skies zoom

workers of P.#.$. N. Unite
Regain your ancient right

tunnel hounds no longer ignore
or we'll gnash and smash and gnaw!

oops theres the sound oh so distinct
wonder why lizardies nearly went extinct?

Tunnel Hounds of P.#. $. N. Unite
Regain your ancient Hearth rights!"


"But its for the good of Teckelstein!" barked Sassy

"Er I forget to trim off Proudly Printed by Teckelsteins' Radicals and Rebels Workshop off the bottom" answered Goldie.

The dachshund groaned and slumped to the ground.

"Well ladies I need to get home for supper. You two better come with. Perhaps some of my friends and neighbours might have ideas?"

Really Very Big Robots

Really Very BIG robots !

The Node didnt really have a horizon. You were either there or not there. Its edge if you could call that faded out into something like mist and clouds so you perceived it as a platform floating ina very pale "sky". A very large platform with a slight curve with objects and buildings scattered across it.

Coming aorund the edge of one of those buildings was a line of advancing robots, mechanical men, and giants of cold steel and other alloys, of varying models and sizes, from realms of anime, manga, and intergalactic space opera, and the wild beyonds of time and space and mortal dreaming.

Goldie and Jonahexed franticly begun pulling weapons and other things out of the saddle bags of the bike and Reg went back to his taxi's dashboard and pulled a few levers and the taxi levitated up just a few feet to give clearance for gunports to open and extend down and out.

The robots lumbered trundled stomped and rolled closer.

Goldie finally found her skateboard. The saddlebags were actually dimensional folds larger inside than outside so Jonahexed was now surrounded by a clutter of guns he was frantically checking the ammunition and power levels of.

The nearest robot raised a leg slowly and Jonahexed fired at its joints. Projectiles opened mid flight into strands of sticky entangling threads jamming its knee and ankle.

Sassy had an idea

"Er why don't we just drive or run under or around them?"

"whaa ... " cried Jonahexed as he was hit by a gas grenade and passed out falling to the ground in an elegant and melodramatic spiral.

Reg managed to toppled a few of the robots with ultra sharp flechettes shredding their limbs and screamed out
"Run Sassy Run!"

Goldie shrieked her crest raised.

"Yes Run Diversionary Tactic ....ack eraaah was it  36?!"

(Scribal note look up the ancient Chinese strategies of war gentle readers!"


Goldie screamed again.

"ROCKET POWER"

Two words that some one really should have added to the robotic hordes' memories.

Two minijets lowered from her skateboard and ignited and the board whizzed off looping round and between and round again in a shifting random pattern.

Several of the robots fell over, losing their balance, trying to bend over and catch her. A  couple of robot tanks crashed into each other. More entangled themselves together reachng down to try and snatch up the Goullawk and Dachshund.

Reg muttered to himself unheard praise.

"That dragon does do lovely chaos."

Sassy was demonstrating why there are dachshund races.

A fit dachshund while not greyhound fast can achieve quite remarkable speeds due to the combination of a torpedo shaped torso and muzzle reducing wind resistance and two very powerful front legs with shock absorber front paws for kicking off the ground.  Plus avoiding giant robot feet trying to stomp you is an excellent adrenalin trigger!

However for the robots trying to swat or catch Sassy and Goldie was rather like swatting at flies and the swooping flight of Reg's taxi was like being divebombed by an Australian magpie in nesting season a sReg skilfully veered off in a different direction at the last possible moment before contact or impact.

The robots begun to turn and lumber after the goullawk and the dachshund and Reg took the opportunity to move upwards beyond their reach switch to sleath mode hovering silently praying the Gravity manipulators would overheat for his for lights of amber orange and blood red were flickering warnings on his dashboard.

Sassy had reached the doorway of the Cintamani Chapel when she heard a very close and loud stomp and a nyargle.

To be continued. Hopefully soon. sorry I'm late again folks!
Sick relative to tend to and other problems and obligations.

Temporal Pests - transit to trouble

TRANSIT TO TROUBLE

Things get worse for our mischievous duo.

Sassy was still trying to figure out what her doppelganger had meant as she and Goldie moved through a quantum tunnel back into the summery meadow on another world in which they had parked Lady Zen Shipper. The Lady’s external imaging currently had her looking like a statute of a pagan goddess sleeping on a large plinth.

The Dachshund and Dragonoid Duo trotted and flumped over to the outer door, pushed a carved symbol together, and entered their travel device. Goldie squealed with glee and leaped into a pool of water suspended midair from a cup shaped force field mounted from what was usually the roof as Sassy climbed onto the control cushion and pulled down the panel covering the interface board by using a handle designed to fit a canid mouth. She placed her front paws onto it and waited for the cognitive interface to lower onto her head and activate.

A richly modulated female voice responded,

 “Testing Pilot authorization. DNA print acknowledged.
C. von Teckel please indicate the program of your choice.”

“Single pilot control. Start navigation plan for return to Teckelstein.” barked Sassy.

If you had been outside and watching you would have seen the plinth and goddess disappear to be replaced by a large shimmering ovoid that begun to revolve and vibrate faster and faster until it seemed to lift off the ground and blink out at near light speed.

Inside the ship you would have heard a voice saying.

“Transit begins. Scanning for Primary Teckelstein Quantum Resonance Patterns. Secondary resonance detected. Scanning for Primary patterns. Scanning for Temporal Lock Beacon. Navigation Locking Error. Unable to Initiate Temporal Shift. Secondary patterns are fluctuating. Warning massive temporal shift! Warning use safety devices! Warning Timestorm detected. Warning massive temporal flux.”

Goldie shut down her antigravity swimming pool and dove down into a pile of cushions that re-arrranged themselves into padded straps.

Sassy voice-activated her own safety straps and asked their ship,

 “Lady Zen please try to scan for point of origin of Temporal disturbance. Try to scan for Teckelstein at a different timespace co-ordinate, Earth in the Middle Ages, or the future when part of Teckelstein was a space colony. We can always move back or forward once we have a spatial lock.”

“Scanning. Secondary resonances only. No co-ordinates matching recorded primary pattern. Secondary resonances fluctuating. Visual display Activating.”

Part of the wall of the control room became a large high definition flat screen showing one of many possible future Teckelsteins. All that could seen was a valley full of dying trees and ruined buildings, a wasteland, with a war machine lumbering through the ruins. The scan shifted to a possible past. A dragon with scales of a dark coppery and paws and muzzle reddened with blood was feasting on dead humans. Half melted medieval weaponry was scattered around the bodies. A smaller dragon was visible who seemed to have been ravaged by something’s claws and flame. It was struggling in vain to take flight with wings that looked like the same cruel something had maliciously tried to chew them off. In the distance a stone castle burnt with green flames.

Sassy whimpered as more and more scenes showing ever worsening scenarios presented themselves until there was only one left. A young European Bronze Age hunter had discovered the mountain-side cave of one of the last descendants of the hominoid people now known as Neanderthals and then as the Wild Folk of the Forest. The Neanderthaloid had a pack of canids with puppies, who were strange shaggy dwarvish things, like the hominid they shared a den with, not exactly hounds with short legs, or terriers, but something ancestral to both types of canids. The elderly hominid beckoned in a friendly manner to the younger human and presented a squirming tail-wagging pup, holding it up to him in one large hand as a gift of friendship. The young human looked at the strange creature who seemed to be half giant with his large deepset eyes, massive projecting nose, round chinless face, and equally massive shoulders and arms, and yet dwarvish and stunted below the waist line with shorter legs beginning to become withered from the effects of osteo-arthritis and other ailments.
"
“ … yes … ,” whispered Sassy anxiously, remembering her history classes, “You take the pup and offer your protection to the Spirit Walker of the Old Ones and he shows you how to align your fields and settlement to the local geoforces, the ley lines to create a Holy Earth Covering place."

 (*Teg is an ancient and honorable Indoeuropean Radical!)

Sassy yelped in horror as the human’s face darkened in a moment of fear and rage. She shuddered, watching as the Old One turned his back to him, bending over to offer him a cup of fresh spring water, and yelped in dismay as the human threw the pup at the cave wall, and attacked the Old One stabbing him in the back then spinning him around to slice his neck open.

Goldie squawked seeing the screen and Sassy’s reaction.

“That wasn’t suppose to happen was it?
Sassy you said he took the pup and made friends and that was the start of Teckelstein? Not that! Not …”

Lady Zen Shipper made an announcement.

“Secondary resonances stabilizing. We have a weak signal from the Primary Source. Timestream fluctuations are lessening. The Primary Source is … fading again. Temporal flux increasing. Probability of external temporal manipulation 89.4% and rising. Probability of deliberate attempt to alter Teckelstein’s Timeline 95.7% rising! Probability of Teckelstein stabilizing … still fluctuating!”

“There’s hope,” muttered Sassy.

Elsewhere there was laughter as a bunch of definitely evil and intentionally malicious beings capered around a large crystal and gleefully watched the image of a valley walled by snow capped mountains waver and flicker as the edges of its reality literally unravelled.

“See what did I tell you!” boasted one of them, “Teckelstein’s the ideal test object to see if we can use the node to alter histories across the multi-verse. It’s a small pocket universe currently anchored between several timelines and universes with regular links to them. No more annoying sentient dachshunds! Next we’ll remove their less sentient ancestors from the Prime Time Line and then we change the odds so we’re the Powers That Be and change things for our pleasure without having to worry about flash back syndrome. So whose lives do we ruin next?”

 A chorus of malicious suggestions commenced.

to be continued soon ... howsa bout some comments  readers?

Who are the Temporal Pests? 2016 reintro!

Shamelessly bumping intro to lure in new readers!

 This blog is the place to follow the adventures of the Temporal Pests Sassy and Goldie.

Sassy is from Teckelstein so she's an extra ordinary super sentient dachshund aristocrat from a pocket universe that can move throughout the multiverse and thru time and space.

Goldie is a Goullawk a refugee from fan fiction who's definitely a character.

I'm trying to arrange to have various pro artists do portraits of the girls but that requires MONEY so please use that Paypal tip jar and maybe suggest an artist too? Or support me via Patreon ?

Posts to this post will continue until I either find some one who wants to publish this as a print novel or ebook or comic or whatever.

Please move on to the next post and enjoy!

Temporal Pests Copyright Julie Vaux 2012