Monday, 30 July 2012

Duckponds and Doctors

Duck Ponds and Doctors

While Goldie was motivating her fellow dragonoids Lady Zen Shipper was landing with a loud splash in a duck pond, of the sort that could been found in any neglected English Mid counties village lacking tourist attractions and bypassed by the new roadway or possibly somewhere completely different as there was smoke coming up from a working forge and from a nearby school people were chanting the letters of the ABC and it wasn't the Roman one.

Sassy exited Lady Zen shipper and trotted across the boarding ramp watched by some very irate geese and ducks complaining because they had just lost half the water in their pond and a few startled villagers who were much less noisier. One of the more sensible villagers was running up to the local castle. Sassy headed for the village school as her sensible canid hearing had recognized the distinctive tones of a certain voice.

"Very good class! Now we'll move on to revising Signs of Demonic Possession and Basic Gnomish. Don't forget after lunch a trip uphill to watch the testing of the latest defense automaton!"

"Can they do that without you? We need you elsewhere!" asked Sassy.

The teacher dressed with surprising elegance and refinement for a small village in black silk robes with silver jewellery looked at Sassy glanced  out the window at Lady Zen Shipper currently posing as a statue amidst the pond and then leapt out thru the open window changing mid leap into a black and silver dragon taking flight towards the castle. Sassy trotted after him.

Meanwhile back in HerInside's parlor Dr. A was watching the TV with increasing dismay as update after update confirmed his fears. Case Red Sky Falling was causing alternate realities and functionalites to fuse.
Also Young Robert had rung and announced since the situation was a Case Red Sky Falling and NOt Bad Lovecraftian Emerald Dream he and his wife were going to "do something safe and normal, the washing, a picnic, a sleep-in whatever, or maybe something sensible like catch a train to Edinburgh and have a talk with our author..."

On the TV screen an announcer was introducing a face Young Robert might have recognised but not Dr. A.

"" and live from Pasadena to explain the physics behnd universes merging is Dr Leon Ho..."
"Hey before we start I'ld like to ask if anyone has seen this missing person seen walking off with a group of people wearing black shouting out "Me join the Masters of the universe and NOT Wil Wheaton! Thank you hypothetical Deity!"

Yes gentle readers a certain person with a doctorate from Texas has escaped the Village and is wearing black.

At the Castle gates Sassy was barking for attention.

"MrBlackandSilver I know you're in there! Please come out we need you.
I need you. You're on my list. Not the list of potential dates for Goldie."

"Go away. No one's home. They just left on a quest!"

"What quest?" demanded Sassy.

"A quest to successfully visit the capital city and do some shopping  without getting involved in royal politicking or offending any priests or discovering any demonic manifestations or whatever!"

"Ask the resident witch what Red Sky Falling means," replied Sassy.

There was a brief silence then the gates opened and a reluctant trio came out, the shapeshifting dragon, a witch, and a man wearing reading glasses and a sword along with a tool bag on the  war belt.

"Does our author know you're here ... AGAIN?!" queried one of them.

"NO and I don't think she'll find out. Dr. January is not on my list." replied Sassy," Oh come on don't dawdle. You're between books or after a series anyway and we have to save the multiverse really soon!"

Meanwhile back in New York certain editors' worse nightmares had occurred. They had been cornered in their offices by a famous feline felon and a fearless female investigative reporter who wanted something done about their relationships.

"He finally told me he loved me and you B@#$%^&* reset the Demented Continuum," shrieked one while waving a whip, "and then you catered to the fanboys with that roof top scene. A third female standing outside the door threw a knife to the reporter who called out "Thanks!" and then pointed the knife at the petite brunette standing in the corridor next to two very tall striking redheads and begun ranting,
"You let them get married and me you keep waiting for DECADES and then finally I get my gorgeous combo of sincere loving smalltown boy and powerful alpha male alien and you You YOU ...."

The rest had be censored. I'm sure female readers can guess what would happen if SK and LL could get their hands on certain people.

Sassy however was busy. She had a Doctor to pick up! a doctor of archaeology called ... Fluvia Canta.

Technically Fluvia was custody. Fluvia who had several other names teasingly preferred to it as protective custody as not only did she have a spouse with a travelling device but some very special girlfriends to go shopping with, namely Sassy and Goldie.

Lady Zen Shipper appeared in the corridor outside of Fluvia's cell NS  young guard whimpered. "Nnononon not again," and didn't even bother trying for the phone. Sassy calmly walked over to the door of the cell and barked out a request,

"Darling know where I could find a Doctor of Archaeology who might know where I get a Vortex manipulator ?"

fluvia smiled and the lights went out.

The lights quickly came back on showing an empty corriodr and cell and the guard sighed and then cheered up thinking "oh well if she's away along enuff I can have her desert! Its Martian Apple Pie night!"

to be continued sooner or later

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

testing the ads

gentle readers I'm tryint to fix the ads so they show something other then pest control firms in my immediate area

not much use for readers outside of sydney and australia ?

if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this please contriubte?

Herding Cats

Herding cats and dragons.

Organizing dragons into groups for joint action is a feat similar to herding cats. Unlikely but possible if the cats have a common gaol.

Pleasing a human they're fond of. Defending kits. Receiving praise.

Getting an annoying small dragonoid to go away.

Then again they may just ignore every effort you make.

Goldie had been sitting on a beach for quite some time next to a pile of collectables and bling shrieking bulging and yodelling in every dragonish lanaguage she know attempting to attract attention so she could get a larger sea dragon or a flier to get her over and up to Dragonmont.

Several potential cusotmers were circling overhead. Some of them had swooped down and attempted to help themselves or taunted her screaming back,
"Oooh look its the LITTLE Goullawk!"

"Hey look its the girl who got banned from Dragonmont!"

Golid retorted loudly.

"Hey I've got Sara Lee Chocolate Cheesecake and it's defrosting ..."
Goldie paused to take a deep breath before she screamed,
" . . . and I've got Pavlova ... and Dwarf Wrought Gold Collars  ... and EMBROIDERED QUILTED EGG WARMERS from a Suzhou workshop and ..."

There was apparently a surfeit and surplus of gold collars and sweet treats but egg warmers were in demand!

Soon a few doting mothers descended and begun to inspect the goodies.

There was a brief tantrum of wing clattering and threats and tail spiking until one female dragon with steam emitting spikes drove off the others.

"Iski!" sqealed Goldie in delight,"You're in egg?! Oh I can godmother him or her! Sooo how come you're willing to defy the High Flight and get me up to Dragonmont."

"Hey I'm between books and you know me ...  me take orders from anyone unless I profit and most of the High Flight are BOYS! I can outfly them easily! So time for showing how splendid I am in flight. Flump into my harness dear and we'll be up up and away!"

There was a rumor that Dragonmont was situated on an actual world rather then being a dreaming place and that it was one occupied maybe even created by the Dragonoid equivalent of posthumans who had transcended physicality. The constellations moved. There were seasons and storms and cloudy skies to dive through yet sometimes the clouds took on dragon like shapes and had eyes. Ancient sometimes kindly sometimes angry but definitely non human eyes.

Iski and Goldie however were not thinking about that. Iski was trying to catch a thermal and rise up towards the summit of Dragonmont. Dragonmont was an enormous large island probably volcanic in origin though martian size volcanoes were not normally possible on Earth type planets. Especially not volcanoes with grottoes both natural and carved and a plentitude of hot and cold springs and cliffs to soar and glide off and wide ledges and caves for nesting and multiple rings of coral reefs swarming with fish of all sizes.

The lower slopes had villages of friendly biped species willing to groom dragons and make jewellery for them and some race had carved steps and ramps and roads spiralling up and through the mountain side. There were castles to explore and crystal towers and singing stones and a patrol of Guardians racing outwards towards Goldie and Iski.

"YOU!" roared the leader, "are banned from these august and blessed slopes!"

Iski roared back and then folded her wings and plummeted downwards and made a narrow escape into a cloud bank thickening into a storm. he headed inwards toward what would be the eye of the storm. Lightning was starting to flicker from cloud to cloud and dangerously close but Iski fearlessly caught a updraft towards the top of the clouds. The air was thin and dark above but the summit of Dragonmont was visible . As they exited the storm behind them the clouds briefly shifted to a face that winked and smiled  like a boddhisattva if a boddhisattva could be a Dragon.

Stars were visible at the summit of Dragonmont and vast ancient beings resting on the warm ashes that gently rose from an inner cone. Eyes opened to study Iski and Goldie even before Goldie called out to them.

"Hello everyone I'm back. Yes already and have I got news for you!
Some very naughty people are trying to re-arrange the multiverse again and they tried to delete Teckelstein! Isn't that just so bad?!

"A multiverse or any universe with less dachshunds mmmm?" grumbled one of the High Flight.

"Were you NOT told of being banned from this holy place?" hissed another.

A third one stood up and lumbering closer to Goldie and Iski and reached out with one limb in a manner that suggested he could easily and willingly flick Goldie off the summit with one extended claw.

Iski hissed inhaled and shook her ruff to its full extent and coiled her tail and hind parts around the Goullawk.

The Goullawk poked her head up over Iski's protective embrace and glanced at them like a parrot considering sidling along a cage bar to approach a treat.

"Well a fine way to greet a Lady this is!" she snapped.

Some one sniggered in a very unenlightened and vulgar manner.

"Has it occurred to any of you if Teckelstein goes this place might be the next target?" asked Goldie.

There was a brief chorus of hissing groaning and bellowings of denial and annoyment.

"Why is this a problem? We can defeat any fool who invades!" replied one.

Goldie squeezed out of Iski's coils and flumped over to him.

She stared up at the huge Elder and then turned around to look at the others.

"I live in Teckelstein when I' m not living adventures.
If Teckelstein goes then I'll need a new home.
I may be banned from Dragonmont but not the rest of this world ..."

"YET!" snapped another Dragon elder.

"and if Teckelstein goes I WILL move here!"

Some one made an odd choking noise so faint it was hard to tell if it was  a muffled sound of apprecation of the Goullakw's defiance or gagged horror at the prospect of Goldie taking up full time residence.

"And" continued the Goullawk, "I'll apply to join the council which means one of you will have to supervise my trials mmm?"

There was a brief silence while the Elders conferred telepathically.

"All right what do we have to do to get you back home!"

Goldie very smugly started reciting details and plans.

To be continued at the usual erratic pace sometime soon.

Next time maybe another look at Teckelstein.

Monday, 9 July 2012

Still the wrong way to London.

After a few hours of shuffling hesitant attempts at repairs and annoying  zombie like from moans in the background from those occupants who'd faded into terminal dementia there was a brief period of frantic hysteria amongst the  Lost Souls of the Space Sargasso when Goldie started her own special brand of motivation which was a good circulation boosting tail slapping. Being hit by Goldie's tail flukes was a sensation perhaps best compared to being hit by a rubber coated Japanese Samurai Iron war fan. Effective and non lethal.

Finally Lady Zen Shipper's battered surface was patched with a mixture of quantum foam broken glass and fragments of miracle machines from old comics and pulp fiction and most of the Lost Souls had embarked save a few who refused to believe they could either leave or survive the transit and who had barricaded themselves into the bar.

Lady Zen Shipper lifted off on the top of the 1950s spaceship she had crashed on at arrival and slowly spin up to full speed.

Various people either closed their yes and prayed crossed their fingers tentacles or other manipulators or whimpered as Sassy reached out one paw to push down a huge button labelled Improbability Drive.

A Hourglass with two dice in it popped up of the control panel and spun.

The ship shuddered and shook and then everything blurred.

Reality returned as with a loud splash.

On the viewing screens was a sea with islands and one particularly large island. Winged beings were circling it. They were not Avian.

Goldie glared at the screen.

"All right before your nagging future self shows up again just give me the list. The universe is clearly telling me I have to go and suck up to my frenemies distant cousins and a few past and present boyfriends. Just haul this lot back to London and I'll join you later !" snarled an exasperated Goullawk, quite willing to do the right thing but annoyed at having to be both told and reminded to do it!

Goldie was also annoyed because she faced a long climb.The local reality parameters allowed for magical levitation or wind manipulation and natural flight but not antigravity devices. Unfortunately there were several hundred maybe thousand steps up to the top of Dragonmont unless she could persuade some one to fly her up. Or pay them. Fortunately she had some dragon size jewellery in her wardrobe.

(Goldie's wardrobe is rather like the kit of a certain former soldier now working in a certain city watch. Warehouse size. Full of objects perhaps not acquired by fully legal or ethical methods. Her definition of borrowing was even looser than that of certain Miniature English Hominids.)

Lady Zen Shipper took off minus a few Lost Souls who liked the idea of living on a tropical island as Goldie started swimming towards Dragonmont.

Next Time Goldie on Dragonmont.

Most dragons are bling obsessed carnivores with healthy appetites for metal objects and animal protein and limited social skills.

Can Goldie persuade them to help?

Are Group activities run by Goullawks possible?