The Girls did not provide me with any thing new this year.
I think they spent part of xmas though harassing a certain show runner.
Apparently every time he opens a present he gets ANOTHER copy of the Dummies Guide to Digital Downloads: Special Edition. How to give Danny back his body.
Seriously the Doctor can't travel back in time and get a few genetic samples to create a clone body and then go forward to the future and find some one who can hack Gallifreyan tech?
Meanwhile for your Xmas reading pleasure.
A Teckelstein Tale of the First Christmas
Apparently Three Wise Men and Some Shepherds needed a little help to reach that stable and witness a special event.
Bethlehem about 4 BC or 0 BCE ... whatever
There's a planetary conjunction or a supernova or whatever unusual celestial paranormal or other phenomen that will produce the appearance of a star parking over Bethlehem after sunset.
Meanwhile in the local magistrate's office a specialist mercenary from Southern Germania has arrived. His speciality was normally getting well paid for hunting predators that might attack Roman soldiers setting up a camp and being an advance scout watching out for hostile locals.
He's from a little valley that will later be known as Teckelstein where there are many let us say ... protodachels!
Small valiant brave hounds so fearless the local wild pigs run and hide next to the giant elk deep in the darkest parts of the forest!
One such small valiant pack had accompanied that specialist into the office to the annoyment of the clerks who had been enjoying a couple of glasses of wine and a platter of the GOOD cheese and the WHITE bread and were now being pestered for pieces of cheese by the pack while the specialist Gwillhelmianus was speaking to the magistrate.
" NO you Judeans have a final l in your language so surely you can say Gwillo? Or Uillson? Its so much shorter and easier?"
The magistrate glared and said
"I'm paying you not the Herodians or the Romans or the Temple.
Officially you're on leave but there's that little matter of the fight in the tavern about rooms and bookings and whether or not there was room in the tavern ...?
Some thing is bothering travellers on the roads. Some thing large and dark and sinister according to those travellers. Personally I think its just some lion or leopard or unusually large jackal thats come in from the desert but I need a expert now before there's a panic and one of the more sensible local herders tells me he's seen unusual tracks that he can't identify either so get out there and find out what it is before I have a delegation of irate smelly shepherders in my forecourt! Oh and if you're thinking of doing a runner ..."
The magistrate pointed at a cage on the floor,
"I have your prize hunting bitch who's about to whelp."
Gwillo growled.
"I'll need my weapons."
"Sign for them in the outer office." growled the magistrate back returning to the task of applying his seal to packets of census forms.
Gwillo glared at the contract he had to sign to get his weapons back.
It absolved the magistrate of any responsibility to pay for medical treatment if he got hurt and was skilfully phrased to imply he was freelancing willingly for the magistrate.
"Hey there's no provision for a horse in this contract!"
The magistrate who didnt owe a horse himself despite being one of the richest people in town snorted.
"... or a litter with bearers or a chariot but I could spare one donkey or a riding mule perhaps?"
Some hours later Gwillo his pack and an unhappy mule carrying camping and hunting equipment had reached a sheepfold and were inspecting some very bizarre prints. Either several predators were in the area or one beast of indeterminate shape. Gwillo had never hunted shapeshifters and knew from stories from other hunters most claims of shapeshifters were caused by people wearing special boots or shoes with patterned soles trying to frighten others but these prints were just odd, disturbingly odd, blurred in one set and the very next quite crisp.
Both blurred and crisp prints were heading east towards the main road and then stopped.
"Every night the tracks are further east and some thing moving disturbs the herd," stated the herder who had reported them to the magistrate. The tracks they stop at a spot overlooking the road as if whatever makes them is waiting for something or some one to arrive. They start where stories say there was once a shrine to the old ones the others who demanded blood sacrifices of children and ... last night I looked down the hill when I walked away from the fires to the ditch for you know what and I saw a shadow moving from shadow to shadow but in a straight line aiming for the road. Then the dogs started howling and some of them run towards the fires and away from the herds and something howled back. And what howled back was not a dog or wolf."
The senior herder made an ancient sign of protection sign with his fingers that would have gotten him in extreme trouble from the local priests and levites.
Gwillo set up a cold camp of a hide to protect the mule and unpacked nets and weapons set up to be easily grabbed and spear in one hand sat watching in a spot half way between where the herders camped at night and the road from the east where he could see the route the tracks had taken so far. His pack of dwarf wolves patiently curled themselves up around his feet or beside him as they too waited for nightfall.
PART TWO
Night had came. Shadows deepened on the eastern slopes falling away from Bethlehem to the river Jordan and the road that brought traders merchants and tonight a monster.
Gwillo and his hounds did notice the stars seemed brighter than usual but he was looking away from the stars down towards the shadows waiting to see if they moved.
Suddenly it grew even colder and the hounds sniffed and growled and the sheep grew silent in their pens even the lambs and one of the shepherd's dogs whined fearfully.
A SHADOW MOVED TOWARDS THE ROAD.
Gwillo moved towards the shadow.
"Softly quietly lads and lassies let's see who's stalking who?"
The shadow stopped seemed to grow taller and turned north towards the road to Jerusalem.
In the distance Gwillo could see lights. He and the shadow moved towards them. A caravan had set up tents with lanterns on poles before them around fires. The tents were unusual styles not those of the local nomads. One seemed to be Egyptian or African the other possibly Parthian and a third tent was round not square. The fire and lantern light also showed these were tents made for wealthy people with no patches or sagging sections where a support or prop had broken and not been replaced. They were large tall tents a person could stand up inside of. And the lanterns were gold not copper!
The shadow that moved shrieked a cry of pain and envy.
"Aho one of those are you?" thought Gwillo who in the past had been called on to hunt men who were monsters. He still thought he was stalking a man wearing a dark cloak dyed a motley of colors that blended with the night shadows probably with pieces of shrub or plant or fur added to break up his outline.
From the distant fire chanting came and the scent of spices but the shadow moved closer. Gwillo followed.
The shadow stopped suddenly as if a fence or wall was there and instead of walking in a straight line moved off as if there was a circle around the camp. Someone closer to the fire got up and walked in a circle around it and just for a moment Gwillo thought he could see lines of light or a faint glow surging out in a pattern.
The shadow moved onwards and closer towards a group of what looked like camels maybe lying around or next to a heap of supplies covered with canvas. On the other side of the camels was a horseline with a guard.
The shadow started to scream again and the horses panicked and the camels rose to their feet.
Gwill and his pack started running crying out.
"Oy I know that Trick. Stay away thief you want to frighten those horses so they stampede through the camp!"
The shadow stopped and stood still arising its arms ... of which it seemed to have more than two.
Gwillo blinked. The dogs growled.
"NO its two men together carrying spears!" He thought and cried a command.
"High and low boys and girls high and low!"
The dogs knew their job. Jump up and grab a corner of clothing to hinder or divert the thrust of a sword or spear. Circle around feet and grab a cuff or end of a lacing of a boot or sandal or butt and shove an ankle to make their prey lose their balance or concentration. And bark! Deep loud barks tearing straight the darkness!
They charged and leapt and yelped as they landed shivering and shaking as if they leapt into cold water. Gwillo swung his sword. It moved through the edge of the cloak as if the cloak was made of shadows. Gwillo took one step back but only to regain his balance before he thrust a hunting spear at where a torso should be.
The spear passed through the shadow again. The shadow chittered mockingly and reached a limb out. One that looked ... Gwillo thought of an octopus he'd seen but octopuses had their beaks between their tentacles not at the end of a limb that curled and writhed and had things that looked like long thorns instead of fingers.
Gwillo took another step back.
The Shadow spoke.
"Unguarded. Unsealed. Unsworn. Mine."
"Bait Take take take you dangle like fish on hook to lure wise away from protections."
The dogs shackled and growled at it.
"Bah little dogs" The shadow made a wheezing noise.
"Scent? scent of holy place! scent of North. Other powers.
Bah too small. Ruin blessing of wise. Poison spice. Will hinder binding of avatar to this realm. No Willing Sacrifice Nonsense. Break myth pattern."
The shadow grow taller and seemed to be about to throw itself over Gwillo.
"Hey you this knife is cold iron?"
"Not that kind of being!" taunted the shadow back. "Iron not pure blood use."
The stars suddenly grow brighter. Gwillo had the strangest feeling that somewhere behind him back up slope near where the shepherds were the cover had been removed from a very large bright lantern. He noticed two of his dogs were less afraid than others. Tau and Ankhet. Both of whom had silver amulets a tau cross and an ankh symbol. He'd had an exceptionally well paid job in Egypt for a temple and the priests had gave those two in particular amulets and collars they said were blessed. The other hounds only had copper or lead amulets hanging from their collars or coins with holes drilled on them.
Will Gwillo survive and stop the demon?
Join us for the next instalment of Teckelmas A Teckelsteiner First Christmas adventure.
and yes that bright light upslope is a certain messenger arriving!
Showing posts with label dachshunds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dachshunds. Show all posts
Saturday, 27 December 2014
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Time is Loopy
My right arm is broken so a cut and paste job !
Time is Loopy ! Part One
in which the Scribe attempts to start sorting out the plot line disruptions caused by all those reality resets cosmic convergences and temporal loops etc
Previously on Temporal Pests ...
Future Sassy appeared twice to past and present Sassy
and that list mysteriously altered too ...
First Appearance ...
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot,and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them.
Appearance Two
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with Sassy, and Goldie blurted out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn yourself and oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly dissolving.
Appearance Three
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exsperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
Now a problem the girls havnt solved yet ...
Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearly had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.
Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.
Time is Loopy ! Part One
in which the Scribe attempts to start sorting out the plot line disruptions caused by all those reality resets cosmic convergences and temporal loops etc
Previously on Temporal Pests ...
Future Sassy appeared twice to past and present Sassy
and that list mysteriously altered too ...
First Appearance ...
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot,and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them.
Appearance Two
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with Sassy, and Goldie blurted out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn yourself and oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly dissolving.
Appearance Three
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exsperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
Now a problem the girls havnt solved yet ...
Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearly had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.
Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.
Saturday, 18 January 2014
Teckelmas Three
The Final Part of the Xmas adventure.
Teckelmas Three
The shadow grew taller and thinner but did not wane and reached out over the dogs towards Gwillo. Its arm or arms turned gray and hazy as if turning to dust or smoke and Gwillo shivered. He wasn't trained to hunt this kind of monster.
Then something happened. From overhead came a burst of sound and light and all his dogs came to glow. First Tau and Ankhet the most brightly and then the glow spread to the others and then something fell from the moving brightness overhead. Gwillo had once seen a picture showing a spirit with multiple wings and this ... it was the essence of small hounds with wings for legs and wings for flight and it lead the pack towards the darkness baying battle joy and the darkness fled and shrink withering like a plant in summer heat and then became nothing and the night seemed warmer. The spirit hovered for a moment and grinned at him and flitted off and up then there was a final burst of light and only the stars glowed overhead.
Three men were walking uphill to him.
"Come warrior come with us to Bethlehem to give gifts to the Holy Child!"
The rest of the night was equally strange. Gwillo remembered candles and golden lanterns and the scent of uncommon spices and all of them beasts barbarian herders and wise men kneeling to look at a child.
The thing that Gwillo remembered the longest was that all of his pack seemed healthier and smarter and the next day inspecting them he found their coats in perfect condition and old scars faded and his prize bitch returned by the magistrate had the most perfect litter of pups he had ever seen. And he had a new job guide and guard for the Magi as they returned home!
And that is how the ancestors of modern Teckelsteiners helped play a part in the first Christmas!
Teckelmas Three
The shadow grew taller and thinner but did not wane and reached out over the dogs towards Gwillo. Its arm or arms turned gray and hazy as if turning to dust or smoke and Gwillo shivered. He wasn't trained to hunt this kind of monster.
Then something happened. From overhead came a burst of sound and light and all his dogs came to glow. First Tau and Ankhet the most brightly and then the glow spread to the others and then something fell from the moving brightness overhead. Gwillo had once seen a picture showing a spirit with multiple wings and this ... it was the essence of small hounds with wings for legs and wings for flight and it lead the pack towards the darkness baying battle joy and the darkness fled and shrink withering like a plant in summer heat and then became nothing and the night seemed warmer. The spirit hovered for a moment and grinned at him and flitted off and up then there was a final burst of light and only the stars glowed overhead.
Three men were walking uphill to him.
"Come warrior come with us to Bethlehem to give gifts to the Holy Child!"
The rest of the night was equally strange. Gwillo remembered candles and golden lanterns and the scent of uncommon spices and all of them beasts barbarian herders and wise men kneeling to look at a child.
The thing that Gwillo remembered the longest was that all of his pack seemed healthier and smarter and the next day inspecting them he found their coats in perfect condition and old scars faded and his prize bitch returned by the magistrate had the most perfect litter of pups he had ever seen. And he had a new job guide and guard for the Magi as they returned home!
And that is how the ancestors of modern Teckelsteiners helped play a part in the first Christmas!
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Teckelmas Two
A Teckelstein Tale of the First Christmas
Apparently Three Wise Men and Some Shepherds needed a little help to reach that stable and witness a special event.
PART TWO
Night had came. Shadows deepened on the eastern slopes falling away from Bethlehem to the river Jordan and the road that brought traders merchants and tonight a monster.
Gwillo and his hounds did notice the stars seemed brighter than usual but he was looking away from the stars down towards the shadows waiting to see if they moved.
Suddenly it grew even colder and the hounds sniffed and growled and the sheep grew silent in their pens even the lambs and one of the shepherd's dogs whined fearfully.
A SHADOW MOVED TOWARDS THE ROAD.
Gwillo moved towards the shadow.
"Softly quietly lads and lassies let's see who's stalking who?"
The shadow stopped seemed to grow taller and turned north towards the road to Jerusalem.
In the distance Gwillo could see lights. He and the shadow moved towards them. A caravan had set up tents with lanterns on poles before them around fires. The tents were unusual styles not those of the local nomads. One seemed to be Egyptian or African the other possibly Parthian and a third tent was round not square. The fire and lantern light also showed these were tents made for wealthy people with no patches or sagging sections where a support or prop had broken and not been replaced. They were large tall tents a person could stand up inside of. And the lanterns were gold not copper!
The shadow that moved shrieked a cry of pain and envy.
"Aho one of those are you?" thought Gwillo who in the past had been called on to hunt men who were monsters. He still thought he was stalking a man wearing a dark cloak dyed a motley of colors that blended with the night shadows probably with pieces of shrub or plant or fur added to break up his outline.
From the distant fire chanting came and the scent of spices but the shadow moved closer. Gwillo followed.
The shadow stopped suddenly as if a fence or wall was there and instead of walking in a straight line moved off as if there was a circle around the camp. Someone closer to the fire got up and walked in a circle around it and just for a moment Gwillo thought he could see lines of light or a faint glow surging out in a pattern.
The shadow moved onwards and closer towards a group of what looked like camels maybe lying around or next to a heap of supplies covered with canvas. On the other side of the camels was a horseline with a guard.
The shadow started to scream again and the horses panicked and the camels rose to their feet.
Gwill and his pack started running crying out.
"Oy I know that Trick. Stay away thief you want to frighten those horses so they stampede through the camp!"
The shadow stopped and stood still arising its arms ... of which it seemed to have more than two.
Gwillo blinked. The dogs growled.
"NO its two men together carrying spears!" He thought and cried a command.
"High and low boys and girls high and low!"
The dogs knew their job. Jump up and grab a corner of clothing to hinder or divert the thrust of a sword or spear. Circle around feet and grab a cuff or end of a lacing of a boot or sandal or butt and shove an ankle to make their prey lose their balance or concentration. And bark! Deep loud barks tearing straight the darkness!
They charged and leapt and yelped as they landed shivering and shaking as if they leapt into cold water. Gwillo swung his sword. It moved through the edge of the cloak as if the cloak already was made of shadows. Gwillo took one step back but only to regain his blance before he thrust a hunting spear at where a torso should be.
The spear passed through the shadow again. The shadow chittered mockingly and reached a limb out. One that looked that of a ... Gwillo though of an octopus he'd seen but octopuses had their beaks betwen their tentacles not at the end of a limb that curled and writhed and had thing sthat looked like long thorns instead of fingers.
Gwillo took another step back.
The Shadow spoke.
"Unguarded. Unsealed. Unsworn. Mine."
"Bait Take take take you dangle like fish on hook to lure wise away from protections."
The dogs shackled and growled at it.
"Bah little dogs" The shadow made a wheezing noise.
"Scent? scent of holy place! scent of North. Other powers.
Bah too small. Ruin blessing of wise. Poison spice. Will hinder binding of avatar to this realm. No Willing Sacrifice Nonsense. Break myth pattern."
The shadow grow taller and seemed to be about to throw itself over Gwillo.
"Hey you this knife is cold iron?"
"Not that kind of being!" taunted the shadow back. "Iron not pure blood use."
The stars suddenly grow brighter. Gwillo had the strangest feeling that somewhere behind him back up slope near where the shepherds were the cover had been removed from a very large bright lantern. He noticed two of his dogs were less afraid than others. Tau and Ankhet. Both of whom had silver amulets a tau cross and an ankh symbol. He'd had an exceptionally well paid job in Egypt for a temple and the priests had gave those two in particular amulets and collars they said were blessed. The other hounds only had copper or lead amulets hanging form their collars or coins with holes drilled on them.
Will Gwillo survive and stop the demon.
Join us for the next instalment of Teckelmas A Teckelsteiner First Christmas adventure.
and yes that bright light upslope is a certain messenger arriving.
Apparently Three Wise Men and Some Shepherds needed a little help to reach that stable and witness a special event.
PART TWO
Night had came. Shadows deepened on the eastern slopes falling away from Bethlehem to the river Jordan and the road that brought traders merchants and tonight a monster.
Gwillo and his hounds did notice the stars seemed brighter than usual but he was looking away from the stars down towards the shadows waiting to see if they moved.
Suddenly it grew even colder and the hounds sniffed and growled and the sheep grew silent in their pens even the lambs and one of the shepherd's dogs whined fearfully.
A SHADOW MOVED TOWARDS THE ROAD.
Gwillo moved towards the shadow.
"Softly quietly lads and lassies let's see who's stalking who?"
The shadow stopped seemed to grow taller and turned north towards the road to Jerusalem.
In the distance Gwillo could see lights. He and the shadow moved towards them. A caravan had set up tents with lanterns on poles before them around fires. The tents were unusual styles not those of the local nomads. One seemed to be Egyptian or African the other possibly Parthian and a third tent was round not square. The fire and lantern light also showed these were tents made for wealthy people with no patches or sagging sections where a support or prop had broken and not been replaced. They were large tall tents a person could stand up inside of. And the lanterns were gold not copper!
The shadow that moved shrieked a cry of pain and envy.
"Aho one of those are you?" thought Gwillo who in the past had been called on to hunt men who were monsters. He still thought he was stalking a man wearing a dark cloak dyed a motley of colors that blended with the night shadows probably with pieces of shrub or plant or fur added to break up his outline.
From the distant fire chanting came and the scent of spices but the shadow moved closer. Gwillo followed.
The shadow stopped suddenly as if a fence or wall was there and instead of walking in a straight line moved off as if there was a circle around the camp. Someone closer to the fire got up and walked in a circle around it and just for a moment Gwillo thought he could see lines of light or a faint glow surging out in a pattern.
The shadow moved onwards and closer towards a group of what looked like camels maybe lying around or next to a heap of supplies covered with canvas. On the other side of the camels was a horseline with a guard.
The shadow started to scream again and the horses panicked and the camels rose to their feet.
Gwill and his pack started running crying out.
"Oy I know that Trick. Stay away thief you want to frighten those horses so they stampede through the camp!"
The shadow stopped and stood still arising its arms ... of which it seemed to have more than two.
Gwillo blinked. The dogs growled.
"NO its two men together carrying spears!" He thought and cried a command.
"High and low boys and girls high and low!"
The dogs knew their job. Jump up and grab a corner of clothing to hinder or divert the thrust of a sword or spear. Circle around feet and grab a cuff or end of a lacing of a boot or sandal or butt and shove an ankle to make their prey lose their balance or concentration. And bark! Deep loud barks tearing straight the darkness!
They charged and leapt and yelped as they landed shivering and shaking as if they leapt into cold water. Gwillo swung his sword. It moved through the edge of the cloak as if the cloak already was made of shadows. Gwillo took one step back but only to regain his blance before he thrust a hunting spear at where a torso should be.
The spear passed through the shadow again. The shadow chittered mockingly and reached a limb out. One that looked that of a ... Gwillo though of an octopus he'd seen but octopuses had their beaks betwen their tentacles not at the end of a limb that curled and writhed and had thing sthat looked like long thorns instead of fingers.
Gwillo took another step back.
The Shadow spoke.
"Unguarded. Unsealed. Unsworn. Mine."
"Bait Take take take you dangle like fish on hook to lure wise away from protections."
The dogs shackled and growled at it.
"Bah little dogs" The shadow made a wheezing noise.
"Scent? scent of holy place! scent of North. Other powers.
Bah too small. Ruin blessing of wise. Poison spice. Will hinder binding of avatar to this realm. No Willing Sacrifice Nonsense. Break myth pattern."
The shadow grow taller and seemed to be about to throw itself over Gwillo.
"Hey you this knife is cold iron?"
"Not that kind of being!" taunted the shadow back. "Iron not pure blood use."
The stars suddenly grow brighter. Gwillo had the strangest feeling that somewhere behind him back up slope near where the shepherds were the cover had been removed from a very large bright lantern. He noticed two of his dogs were less afraid than others. Tau and Ankhet. Both of whom had silver amulets a tau cross and an ankh symbol. He'd had an exceptionally well paid job in Egypt for a temple and the priests had gave those two in particular amulets and collars they said were blessed. The other hounds only had copper or lead amulets hanging form their collars or coins with holes drilled on them.
Will Gwillo survive and stop the demon.
Join us for the next instalment of Teckelmas A Teckelsteiner First Christmas adventure.
and yes that bright light upslope is a certain messenger arriving.
Tuesday, 24 December 2013
Teckel mass One
Merry Xmas ... here's the first part of a Teckelsteiner Christmas Adventure
Learn how some of Sassy's ancestors helped to save the first Christmas at Bethlehem!
Ever wondered why the shepherds perceived the angelic host as a army?
Part One
A Teckelstein Tale of the First Christmas
I'm winding down to take an Christmas break since the girls have disappeared to go partying and tease people but before that break here's the Teckelstein version of the first Christmas.
Apparently Three Wise Men and Some Shepherds needed a little help to reach that stable and witness a special event.
Bethlehem about 4 BC or 0 BCE ... whatever
There's a planetary conjunction or a supernova or whatever unusual celestial paranormal or other phenomen will produce the appearance of a star parking over Bethlehem after sunset.
Meanwhile in the local magistrate's office a specialist mercenary from Southern Germania has arrived. His speciality was normally getting well paid for hunting predators that might attack Roman soldiers setting up a camp and being an advance scout watching out for hostile locals.
He's from a little valley that will later be known as Teckelstein where there are many let us say ... protodachels!
Small valiant brave hounds so fearless the local wild pigs run and hide next to the giant elk deep in the darkest parts of the forest!
One such small valiant pack had accompanied that specialist into the office to the annoyment of the clerks who had been enjoying a couple of glasses of wine and a platter of the GOOD cheese and the WHITE bread and were now being pestered for pieces of cheese by the pack while the specialist Gwillhelmianus was speaking to the magistrate.
" NO you Judeans have a final l in your language so surely you can say Gwillo? Or Uillson? Its so much shorter and easier?"
The magistrate glared and said
"I'm paying you not the Herodians or the Romans or the Temple.
Officially you're on leave but there's that little matter of the fight in the tavern about rooms and bookings and whether or not there was room in the tavern ...?
Some thing is bothering travellers on the roads. Some thing large and dark and sinister according to those travellers. Personally I think its just some lion or leopard or unusually large jackal thats come in from the desert but I need a expert now before there's a panic and one of the more sensible local herders tells me he's seen unusual tracks that he can't identify either so get out there and find out what it is before I have a delegation of irate smelly shepherders in my forecourt! Oh and if you're thinking of doing a runner ..."
The magistrate pointed at a cage on the floor,
"I have your prize hunting bitch who's about to whelp."
Gwillo growled.
"I'll need my weapons."
"Sign for them in the outer office." growled the magistrate back returning to the task of applying his seal to packets of census forms.
Gwillo glared at the contract he had to sign to get his weapons back.
It absolved the magistrate of any responibility to pay for medical treatment if he got hurt and was skilfully phrased to imply he was freelancing willingly for the magistrate.
"Hey there's no provision for a horse in this contract!"
The magistrate who didnt owe a horse himslef despite being one of the richest people in town snorted.
"... or a litter with bearers or a chariot but I could spare one donkey or a rding mule perhaps?"
Some hours later Gwillo his pack and an unhappy mule carrying camping and hunting equipment had reached a sheepfold and were inspecting some very bizarre prints. Either several predators were in the area or one beast of indeterminate shape. Gwillo had never hunted shapeshifters and knew from stories from other hunters most claims of shapeshifters were caused by people wearing special boots or shoes with patterned soles trying to frighten others but these prints were just odd, disturbingly odd, blurred in one set and the very next quite crisp.
Both blurred and crisp prints were heading east towards the main road and then stopped.
"Every night the tracks are further east and some thing moving disturbs the herd," stated the herder who had reported them to the magistrate. The tracks they stop at a spot overlooking the road as if whatever makes them is waiting for something or some one to arrive. They start where stories say was once a shrine to the old ones the others who demanded blood sacrifices of children and ... last night I looked down the hill when I walked away from the fires to the ditch for you know what and I saw a shadow moving from shadow to shadow but in a straight line aiming for the road. Then the dogs started howling and some of them run towards the fires and away from the herds and something howled back. And what howled back was not a dog or wolf."
The senior herder made a sign with his fingers that would have gotten him in extreme trouble from the local priests and levites.
Gwillo set up a cold camp of a hide to protect the mule and unpacked nets and weapons set up to be easily grabbed and spear in one hand sat watching in a spot half way between where the herders camped at night and the road from the east where he could see the route the tracks had taken so far. His pack of dwarf wolves patiently curled themselves up around his feet or beside him as they too waited for nightfall.
To be continued over the 12 days of Christmas!
Learn how some of Sassy's ancestors helped to save the first Christmas at Bethlehem!
Ever wondered why the shepherds perceived the angelic host as a army?
Part One
A Teckelstein Tale of the First Christmas
I'm winding down to take an Christmas break since the girls have disappeared to go partying and tease people but before that break here's the Teckelstein version of the first Christmas.
Apparently Three Wise Men and Some Shepherds needed a little help to reach that stable and witness a special event.
Bethlehem about 4 BC or 0 BCE ... whatever
There's a planetary conjunction or a supernova or whatever unusual celestial paranormal or other phenomen will produce the appearance of a star parking over Bethlehem after sunset.
Meanwhile in the local magistrate's office a specialist mercenary from Southern Germania has arrived. His speciality was normally getting well paid for hunting predators that might attack Roman soldiers setting up a camp and being an advance scout watching out for hostile locals.
He's from a little valley that will later be known as Teckelstein where there are many let us say ... protodachels!
Small valiant brave hounds so fearless the local wild pigs run and hide next to the giant elk deep in the darkest parts of the forest!
One such small valiant pack had accompanied that specialist into the office to the annoyment of the clerks who had been enjoying a couple of glasses of wine and a platter of the GOOD cheese and the WHITE bread and were now being pestered for pieces of cheese by the pack while the specialist Gwillhelmianus was speaking to the magistrate.
" NO you Judeans have a final l in your language so surely you can say Gwillo? Or Uillson? Its so much shorter and easier?"
The magistrate glared and said
"I'm paying you not the Herodians or the Romans or the Temple.
Officially you're on leave but there's that little matter of the fight in the tavern about rooms and bookings and whether or not there was room in the tavern ...?
Some thing is bothering travellers on the roads. Some thing large and dark and sinister according to those travellers. Personally I think its just some lion or leopard or unusually large jackal thats come in from the desert but I need a expert now before there's a panic and one of the more sensible local herders tells me he's seen unusual tracks that he can't identify either so get out there and find out what it is before I have a delegation of irate smelly shepherders in my forecourt! Oh and if you're thinking of doing a runner ..."
The magistrate pointed at a cage on the floor,
"I have your prize hunting bitch who's about to whelp."
Gwillo growled.
"I'll need my weapons."
"Sign for them in the outer office." growled the magistrate back returning to the task of applying his seal to packets of census forms.
Gwillo glared at the contract he had to sign to get his weapons back.
It absolved the magistrate of any responibility to pay for medical treatment if he got hurt and was skilfully phrased to imply he was freelancing willingly for the magistrate.
"Hey there's no provision for a horse in this contract!"
The magistrate who didnt owe a horse himslef despite being one of the richest people in town snorted.
"... or a litter with bearers or a chariot but I could spare one donkey or a rding mule perhaps?"
Some hours later Gwillo his pack and an unhappy mule carrying camping and hunting equipment had reached a sheepfold and were inspecting some very bizarre prints. Either several predators were in the area or one beast of indeterminate shape. Gwillo had never hunted shapeshifters and knew from stories from other hunters most claims of shapeshifters were caused by people wearing special boots or shoes with patterned soles trying to frighten others but these prints were just odd, disturbingly odd, blurred in one set and the very next quite crisp.
Both blurred and crisp prints were heading east towards the main road and then stopped.
"Every night the tracks are further east and some thing moving disturbs the herd," stated the herder who had reported them to the magistrate. The tracks they stop at a spot overlooking the road as if whatever makes them is waiting for something or some one to arrive. They start where stories say was once a shrine to the old ones the others who demanded blood sacrifices of children and ... last night I looked down the hill when I walked away from the fires to the ditch for you know what and I saw a shadow moving from shadow to shadow but in a straight line aiming for the road. Then the dogs started howling and some of them run towards the fires and away from the herds and something howled back. And what howled back was not a dog or wolf."
The senior herder made a sign with his fingers that would have gotten him in extreme trouble from the local priests and levites.
Gwillo set up a cold camp of a hide to protect the mule and unpacked nets and weapons set up to be easily grabbed and spear in one hand sat watching in a spot half way between where the herders camped at night and the road from the east where he could see the route the tracks had taken so far. His pack of dwarf wolves patiently curled themselves up around his feet or beside him as they too waited for nightfall.
To be continued over the 12 days of Christmas!
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
DRM and Dodos.
DRM and dodos to the rescue!
Maybe we just crossed a cloud of Dark Matter?"
observed Fluvia staring out at the gloom beyond the windows at the rolling and roiling darkness.
An abstract object that looked like a sculpture of a syllable with a plus sign at one side followed by a whole word that moved like a thread dangling down from something.
"Holy Muses a discarded morph and a dangling participle!" screamed one character.
"A what?" asked Goldie. Despite being multilingual a grasp of actual formal grammar was not one of her gifts.
"Couldn't this just mean we're near the textual ocean in you know which world?" asked Sassy as a phrasal verb drifted past followed by a uniliteral glyph, a string of Unicode, and a line of HTML 3.
"Or this could Dark Read Materia?" replied Fluvia still staring out the window,
"oh there's a dodo out there! Who'd discard one of those? They're valuable?"
"it's not a Wonderland dodo ... but that style looks ...it's Pickwickie!" squealed Goldie in gleeful recognition.
If we can catch her and tie a line to her we can use her as a resonance point and get back to Swindon. Well a version of Swindon and that will get us closer to London!" exclaimed JonaHexed manfully.
Some time later JonaHexed stood in an open airlock holding a lasso while Fluvia lured toward Lady Zen with offerings of marshmallows.
"Here Pickwickie Marshmallows!"
"Plock? Plockplockplock?!"
"Come on Pickie time to go home! Just follow the trail of marshmallows!"
JonaHexed flung out the lasso and lured the dodo a bird of very little brain given the size of her head in proportion to her body.
"That's a good small blue reconstructed avian! Eat those mallows! Want some more?
"Plock PLOCK plock?"
"Home Pickie! Remember Thursday! and the day after that?"
"Plock! Plock! Plock!" cried the Dodo excitedly.
"and you remember the day after Monday?"
"PLOCK!Plock!plock!" The dodo ran around in circles panicking.
"Well now you've gone and frightened her!" snapped Sassy.
"Pickwickie oh pickie time to go home come on girl head for home!
Something almost like a thought flickered briefly in the dodo's eyes.
"Remember Thursday Pickwickie? Home! Please!"
The dodo raised her head and sniffed for something.
"Yes Pickwickie Thursday Swindon Home home girl home!
The clouds parted and the dodo ran towards a patch of green.
With a terrible thump Lady Zen was dragged along behind her and landed on the lawn of a small mansion.
The dodo was racing towards a terrace at one side where people were having afternoon tea.
Sassy Goldie and Fluvia hurried towards them and paused at the edge of the terrace.
There seemed to be two or three versions of every person there including the dodos. One type was eating birdseed but another group wearing glasses were standing on a table reading newspapers.
"Hello?"asked Fluvia," would anyone here happen to be named after a day of the week, particularly the day after Wednesday?"
"I am!" "No I am! "But I am too!"
Fluvia snatched a news paper from the dodos who squawked indignantly.
The headline read WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE!
One of the people named after a day of the week held up some kind of digital tablet.
"Wow Apple are negotiating a merger with Starktech!"
"Uh some place called Ryleh is sending ambassadors to the UN?"
And some madwoman dressed in steam punk clothes attacked the producers of Doctor Who screaming "Stop damaging my paintwork"
( Yes readers I warned you some events were narrated to me out of sequence. Apparently the You know Who's travel device stopped off at Cardiff to get her revenge for the number of times she's been damaged the last few seasons but that was AFTER she got the messages ... now the girls tell me!)
"Right," commanded Fluvia "Next next and next we need you! and here's why .."
to be continued sooner or later at the usual erratic pace.
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
The Origin of Teckelstein
The origin of Teckelstein
This passage comes from chapter 2.
A young European Bronze Age hunter had discovered the mountain-side cave of one of the last descendants of the hominoid people now known as Neanderthals and then as the Wild Folk of the Forest. The Neanderthaloid had a pack of canids with puppies, who were strange shaggy dwarvish things, like the hominid they shared a den with, not exactly hounds with short legs, or terriers, but something ancestral to both types of canids. The elderly hominid beckoned in a friendly manner to the younger human and presented a squirming tail-wagging pup, holding it up to him in one large hand as a gift of friendship. The young human looked at the strange creature who seemed to be half giant with his large deepset eyes, massive projecting nose, round chinless face, and equally massive shoulders and arms, and yet dwarvish and stunted below the waist line with shorter legs beginning to become withered from the effects of osteo-arthritis and other ailments.
"
“ … yes … ,” whispered Sassy anxiously, remembering her history classes, “You take the pup and offer your protection to the Spirit Walker of the Old Ones and he shows you how to align your fields and settlement to the local geoforces, the ley lines, to create a Holy Earth Covering place."
(*Teg is an ancient and honorable Indoeuropean Radical!)
This passage comes from chapter 2.
A young European Bronze Age hunter had discovered the mountain-side cave of one of the last descendants of the hominoid people now known as Neanderthals and then as the Wild Folk of the Forest. The Neanderthaloid had a pack of canids with puppies, who were strange shaggy dwarvish things, like the hominid they shared a den with, not exactly hounds with short legs, or terriers, but something ancestral to both types of canids. The elderly hominid beckoned in a friendly manner to the younger human and presented a squirming tail-wagging pup, holding it up to him in one large hand as a gift of friendship. The young human looked at the strange creature who seemed to be half giant with his large deepset eyes, massive projecting nose, round chinless face, and equally massive shoulders and arms, and yet dwarvish and stunted below the waist line with shorter legs beginning to become withered from the effects of osteo-arthritis and other ailments.
"
“ … yes … ,” whispered Sassy anxiously, remembering her history classes, “You take the pup and offer your protection to the Spirit Walker of the Old Ones and he shows you how to align your fields and settlement to the local geoforces, the ley lines, to create a Holy Earth Covering place."
(*Teg is an ancient and honorable Indoeuropean Radical!)
Fresh material soon. I'm rereading all the posts again to make sure Sassy and Goldie's erratic narration hasn't made the plot lines too confusing and to pick up any dangling threads that need to be more tightly woven back into the whole!
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Quantum Untanglements
Quantum UNtanglements
"He changed sex?" asked a captain who was unaware of certain events?
"No this is his wife. Given what happened the last time he was in a novel he's probably outside with the villians," answered a certain female captain grimly.
"Yes he's still angry with you. I got him to calm down but he did THAT look!" replied the spousal Q.
"THAT look?" stated another captain.
"Yes," replied the female Q, "THAT look and then he smiled and said something about telling someone with a bigger grudge than him about Cintamanis and Nodes. I thought well if he played with the timelines I could go and fix it later and the time that immortal involved him in a transtemporal crossover he did fix it himself but this mess well the other Q are very angry with him and I offered to fix it.
So I'm letting you lot out. Now here are the keys! I have to be elsewhere and when."
"Wait!" screamed the captains as she disappeared.
"Now what do we do?" some one asked as they moved down the corridor opening cells.
"I'm going to the armory!" A group of the more macho and military captains followed him.
Elsewhere and when the spousal Q was confronting her mate.
"Q this is wrong!"
"But it is amusing," retorted her husband smiling evilly.
"Oh really next thing you'll be stroking a Persian cat or tribbles!"
"How do you think tribbles got off their home world," smirked Q.
"Q!"
"Answer me!"
"Q!"
"Darling why are you here?" asked her husband realising she had no intention of leaving.
"I tried to go to Teckelstein for a morning cup of chai latte. It's not there! It's not anywhere. You removed Teckelstein. Put it back!"
"Really let me look. Oh it came back by itself. But they oh no they're heading here!"
"Well wouldn't that be interesting?" stated his wife enjoying his flustered look.
"Remember how we ... well I promised to protect them because they helped with . . ."
You broke an bounding oath Q!"
Q turned very pale.
"Start fixing this now and I might just might help you untangle this mess!" offered his wife.
Thursday, 21 February 2013
In teckelstein the first appearance
( the girls are not talking to me
apparently they're being chased by something or someone
so you're just going to have to read a repeat of an older episode
sorry but I did warn you I'm only the scribe!)
Meanwhile in usually beautiful scenic Teckelstein the residents were not happy.
There was a howling blizzard on what should have been a lovely summer day.
There was none of the usual tourist trade from other realms and worst of all A.F. Teckelstein First Minister for just about Everything had not had his morning saucer of hot chocolate milk.
A. F. was a magnificent example of European standard hunting Teckel with black and tan coloring and an tail best described as an elegant calligraphic whip who was wearing his favorite monocle with a jewelled rim.
He was yelling at a speakerphone on his desk.
"What do you mean half the High Council disappeared and most of the rest can't make it through the storm.
Get some one with weather powers to make a tunnel or something.
Where's Leo or Mark?
Trapped in Chez Alfred?
Mark's wand isnt working and neither is Leo's gun?
The sky shield is cracking?
Yes I noticed that thank you!
Don't make me come down there and fix things myself!
And where are Sassy and Goldie?
Well them outside of the realm is always a mixed blessing.
We have more important problems!? Oh really!?
The first Dragon is what ... !!!
Oh Lieber Gott!"
A.F. walked away from the phone over to the windows.
A large statue of what appeared to be a warrior from the early Middle Ages wearing chain mail was acquiring icicles down in the courtyard.
Unfortunately the scales were dragon skin and the First Dragon had clearly had his shapeshifting abilities blocked half way during a change from his favorite human form to his full dragonish splendour.
"Okay now things are getting serious indeed" muttered A. F.
"Someone find my snowshoes" he barked in an imperative baritone.
Over in Chez Alfred unhappy customers were huddled around a fireplace fending off frost bite with mugs of hot chocolate or coffee or odder drinks. At a table nearby a man wearing a hood and a mask was glaring through snow googles at the innards of a gun and another was staring at a wand while a third was watching the mouth of a flame thrower that was thoroughly unfunctional.
"How the @#@$#%@@@4 can the laws of physics and magic be NOT working at the same @#@@#%$$ time?"
asked the man trying to fix his gun.
"hey that was not a hypothetical science boys!" he snarled at the group near the fireplace.
"Dramatic cliches still work!" cried a phantom like stranger as he successfully forced the front door open.
"Whaaa that's not right you're not written to slam doors open!"
"Which means" declaimed the phantom like stranger in disconcertingly cheerful tones that were even more out of character for him, " some badass capitalist running dog imperialist overlord be doin' some heavy duty messin' with reality."
Everyone in the Chez Alfred stared at him ...
Several persons jaws almost dislocated as the phantom like stranger proceeded to do a rap routine.
This was disrupted by an anguished scream from the kitchen from the owner chef.
"Nooo the oven's stopped and I had souffle rising!"
Someone screamed "Its the end of the world!"
Others ran out into the storm preferring the risk of hypothermia to an irate chef.
A few more compassionate souls ventured into the kitchen to comfort the chef a distinguished and former British Intelligence agent.
(No not the double zero and a seven one. The one who works as a substitute parent for a family of neurotic bat theme obsessed acrobatic crime fighters)
"Yeah but what's happening outside our world?" asked a more or less mad scientist thoughtfully who was a refugee from Black Dragon Tea Island.
Next time "Yes it's a trap Goldie!"
apparently they're being chased by something or someone
so you're just going to have to read a repeat of an older episode
sorry but I did warn you I'm only the scribe!)
Meanwhile in usually beautiful scenic Teckelstein the residents were not happy.
There was a howling blizzard on what should have been a lovely summer day.
There was none of the usual tourist trade from other realms and worst of all A.F. Teckelstein First Minister for just about Everything had not had his morning saucer of hot chocolate milk.
A. F. was a magnificent example of European standard hunting Teckel with black and tan coloring and an tail best described as an elegant calligraphic whip who was wearing his favorite monocle with a jewelled rim.
He was yelling at a speakerphone on his desk.
"What do you mean half the High Council disappeared and most of the rest can't make it through the storm.
Get some one with weather powers to make a tunnel or something.
Where's Leo or Mark?
Trapped in Chez Alfred?
Mark's wand isnt working and neither is Leo's gun?
The sky shield is cracking?
Yes I noticed that thank you!
Don't make me come down there and fix things myself!
And where are Sassy and Goldie?
Well them outside of the realm is always a mixed blessing.
We have more important problems!? Oh really!?
The first Dragon is what ... !!!
Oh Lieber Gott!"
A.F. walked away from the phone over to the windows.
A large statue of what appeared to be a warrior from the early Middle Ages wearing chain mail was acquiring icicles down in the courtyard.
Unfortunately the scales were dragon skin and the First Dragon had clearly had his shapeshifting abilities blocked half way during a change from his favorite human form to his full dragonish splendour.
"Okay now things are getting serious indeed" muttered A. F.
"Someone find my snowshoes" he barked in an imperative baritone.
Over in Chez Alfred unhappy customers were huddled around a fireplace fending off frost bite with mugs of hot chocolate or coffee or odder drinks. At a table nearby a man wearing a hood and a mask was glaring through snow googles at the innards of a gun and another was staring at a wand while a third was watching the mouth of a flame thrower that was thoroughly unfunctional.
"How the @#@$#%@@@4 can the laws of physics and magic be NOT working at the same @#@@#%$$ time?"
asked the man trying to fix his gun.
"hey that was not a hypothetical science boys!" he snarled at the group near the fireplace.
"Dramatic cliches still work!" cried a phantom like stranger as he successfully forced the front door open.
"Whaaa that's not right you're not written to slam doors open!"
"Which means" declaimed the phantom like stranger in disconcertingly cheerful tones that were even more out of character for him, " some badass capitalist running dog imperialist overlord be doin' some heavy duty messin' with reality."
Everyone in the Chez Alfred stared at him ...
Several persons jaws almost dislocated as the phantom like stranger proceeded to do a rap routine.
This was disrupted by an anguished scream from the kitchen from the owner chef.
"Nooo the oven's stopped and I had souffle rising!"
Someone screamed "Its the end of the world!"
Others ran out into the storm preferring the risk of hypothermia to an irate chef.
A few more compassionate souls ventured into the kitchen to comfort the chef a distinguished and former British Intelligence agent.
(No not the double zero and a seven one. The one who works as a substitute parent for a family of neurotic bat theme obsessed acrobatic crime fighters)
"Yeah but what's happening outside our world?" asked a more or less mad scientist thoughtfully who was a refugee from Black Dragon Tea Island.
Next time "Yes it's a trap Goldie!"
Sunday, 10 February 2013
The Stone of Darkened Destiny
The stone of darkened destiny.
In the middle of the sort of dark deep cavern that is accessed via winding stairs lit by candles whose wax comes from ... let us say unusual and cruel sources was a Stone a murky semi translucent stone that looked as if some one had caught a brewing storm in a hunk of roughly cut glass. Obsidian the color of a bruise would have also been a good description. Down those stairs trotted a royal prince of Teckelstein, a slender elegant canid of black and tan colouration with large but shapely front paws and coolly intelligent eyes.
The stone's colors shifted and it darkened at the centre as the canid prince approached and addressed it.
"I would like to offer a sacrifice. I understand you can grant wishes but there's a price? My wish is that Teckelstein escapes this limbo and is transported to a safe location with all damages repaired. I pay the price of my own free will."
The Stone shuddered lightened but shadows formed and gathered around the small dog. When they parted he had changed. The body proportions that had seemed elegant were now comically cute and awkward with large eyes protruding and tail slightly bent and legs too bowed and droopy ears and the eyes was still keen and bright but less focused. Leroy once the THE ROYal Prince wandered off slowly.
The stone murmured to itself.
"A gift of noble innocence and pure intent the first in generations. IN exchange a gift given and something extra to protect that poor soul. My wish is that he be restored to his true self if he ever offers himself in sacrifice again.
(The story of leroy will continue at a future date. Don't worry folks we willnt leave him as a cartoonish parody of a dachshund.)
Outside something rippled through the skies of Teckelstein like a blur of moving shadow as if a storm cloud had been thinned into gauze. The force field became fully functional. Cracks in the dome disappeared. Ice and snow melted. Birds and other winged beings sung but A.F. von Teckelstein shuddered wondering who had sacrificed their destiny to the Stone.
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Explaining Temporal Pests
This blog is the place to follow the adventures of the Temporal Pests Sassy and Goldie.
Sassy is from Teckelstein so she's an extra ordinary super sentient dachshund aristocrat from a pocket universe that can move throughout the multiverse and thru time and space and alternate realities, dreamings and fictionalities.
Goldie is a Goullawk a small dragon like creature with front flippers and tail flukes no wings and a magnificent crest of head feathers plus large fin like ears. She is a refugee from fan fiction who's definitely a character.
Other Characters.
Lady Zen Shipper. She's ...well let's just say two someones visited the same junkyard or museum or what ever that a certain other famous timeship came from.
Lay Zen Shipper however is a slightly more modern and less damaged model.
Well Lady Zen Shipper needs repairs or a rest or just occasionally wanders off on her own the girls use the services of REG the only Dawllawk London Taxi Cab Driver. Reg is NOT a D#$%& not really not despite the close physical resemblance ... really but if a D#$%& became sane it would probably be as cynical and sarcastic as REG.
I'm trying to arrange to have various pro artists do portraits of the girls but that requires MONEY so please use that Paypal tip jar and maybe suggest an artist too? Apart from that we're free though if there's ever the demand I'll put the girls' portraits onto merchandise?
IF I do ever get Paypal donations or sell some cups or mugs or something you have my promise 50% of Paypal and sales will be go to charity!
Posts to this post will continue until I either find some one who wants to publish this as a print novel or ebook or comic or whatever.
Please move on to the next post and enjoy!
Temporal Pests Copyright Julie Vaux 2013
Friday, 11 January 2013
Back in the Homeland
Back in the Home Land
Meanwhile back in beautiful scenic Teckelstein things were not getting better or fixed. Those residents who could tolerate darkness cold and shadows had retreated to the deepest caverns. Others were huddled around fireplaces in the main palace or other of the castles ringing the central lake. Aquatic and amphibian citizenry were occupied a swimming pool.
Augustus Friedrich von Teckelstein first Minister for Just about everything was consulting a big red book whose cover read Final Desperate Solutions in case of the world ending and the Sky Falling. And indeed the sky was falling slowly freezing and settling as snow flakes on the ground as the cold of whatever void Teckelstein was drifting seeped through the forcefields which were fading. Those occupants with weather powers had tried to form ice shields just inside the force fields but they were cracking.
"Gentle beings it would appear our readership has lowered to a critical limit and we have but one last solution left the Stone of Darkened Destiny!" announced AF grimly. Several people would have attempted to run out of the room but they were wearing so many layers of clothing running was impossible though there was some furtive shuffling.
"We need volunteers who are innocent virgins who love their pack !" shouted AF.
"Couldnt we try prayer again?" asked one person.
"That's why the power hasnt gone out completely yet!" answered AF.
Still one last time might help! Altogether now!
"oh mighty congeries of fannish readers and whosoever loveth dachshunds and complicated continual pop culture cross genre references and whosever has a sense of humor and can appreciate parody and satire and metatext and intertext cry out to all the powers and persons that have been are in being and will become moved by the power that by sweet Charity and Agape that moves the sun and stars shout out these words.
I BELIEVE IN TECKELSTEIN!
Shout it out threefold tenfold a hundred fold!
TECKELSTEIN IS REAL
MAKE IT SO!"
And as they prayed a small brave black and tan soul crept out of the hall to sacrifice himself.
to be continued sooner or later hopefully sooner
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Let there be Ba#$
Let There be Ba#$s!
"So why do we need the boys to build a transstellar transport device that generates wormholes," asked JonaHexed, who hadn't been allowed to read the list yet?
"Something happens to Reg's Taxi but that's not for another hour," answered Sassy.
"But we have Lady Zen Shipper?" stated Jonahexed.
"Apparently building the gate allows a lost and forgotten character to return."
"So who's next," asked Fluvia, leaning closer to read down the list which Goldie was holding up in her mouth for Sassy to read," THEM? the little blue pests!"
No Dear Readers not the ones starting with S.
Meanwhile a memorial statue of a fuzzy elfish being in San Francisco was surrounded by a horde or swarm of small blue beings all wailing,
"They killed Daddy B@#f! They killed Papa B@#f!"
"And Hewlett finally caught the last of us and banned us from the school grounds!" bewailed another holding an empty whiskey bottle.
Lady Zen Shipper appeared next to the normally invisible yet oddly never a hazard to aircraft or avians giant comatose alien.
"Look!" squealed one of the smarter Ba#$fs who instead of crying had been panhandling from tourists, "its the Dragon Queen and the Time Lady and the Teckel Princess!"
The Ba#$ stopped crying and swarmed over to the Girls.
"Hello boys!" barked Sassy, "wanna a job!"
To be continued in the usual erratic manner.
Friday, 2 November 2012
So now what
So now what
well the girls are still working their way down their list
So now what!?
"So now what do we do?" asked Goldie as she and Sassy ticked more names off
their list.
"Well we need more police and and some one to fit a harness for the Vortex
manipulator and a few giant robots and ...him?"
"OH this is definitely a job for me!" exclaimed Sassy.
Some time later further up time in what looks like a holiday resort Sassy
trotted across a garden terrace following a trail of cigarette smoke.
Some one was hiding behind some bushes nervously puffing.
"Hello Major Mayor!" barked Sassy.
The smoker shied and neighed. Sassy evaded the hooves of his lower limbs and
the cigarette he dropped from his hand.
The being who had centaur cousins swore in an obscure Rural Germanic dialect
and placing both hands on his front hips glared down at the dachshund.
"What do you want?!"
"How would you like to take a break from this place without going missing?"
asked Sassy.
"me go AWOL?!" he asked.
"Oh not really since technically you'll have never left the grounds!"
"Tell me more!"
"Yes do tell us more!" demanded a natural blonde with a delicate golden pink
complexion yet masculine figure. His distinguished sky pilot friend standing
by his stared at Sassy and muttered something that sounded like
"my god they're breeding talking dogs now!"
"Oh Peachy Person says on my list I need a rider with a white horse and a WW2
so you and your friend can come and play too!" exclaimed Sassy.
"Phoenix is ... "
A dainty yet fiery Arab Berber Mare suddenly appeared out of nothing and
trotted up to the Peachy One who embraced her.
Sassy muttered a quick prayer to whatever entity was responsible and thought
she heard some one sigh in happy acknowledgement.
( with apologies to Donna Barr but you were being so mean to poor Stinz over in AFTER DEAD and I thought he deserved a break!)
Visit
www.stinz.com
If you can "get" my sense of humor you'll probably enjoy Stinz too!
well the girls are still working their way down their list
So now what!?
"So now what do we do?" asked Goldie as she and Sassy ticked more names off
their list.
"Well we need more police and and some one to fit a harness for the Vortex
manipulator and a few giant robots and ...him?"
"OH this is definitely a job for me!" exclaimed Sassy.
Some time later further up time in what looks like a holiday resort Sassy
trotted across a garden terrace following a trail of cigarette smoke.
Some one was hiding behind some bushes nervously puffing.
"Hello Major Mayor!" barked Sassy.
The smoker shied and neighed. Sassy evaded the hooves of his lower limbs and
the cigarette he dropped from his hand.
The being who had centaur cousins swore in an obscure Rural Germanic dialect
and placing both hands on his front hips glared down at the dachshund.
"What do you want?!"
"How would you like to take a break from this place without going missing?"
asked Sassy.
"me go AWOL?!" he asked.
"Oh not really since technically you'll have never left the grounds!"
"Tell me more!"
"Yes do tell us more!" demanded a natural blonde with a delicate golden pink
complexion yet masculine figure. His distinguished sky pilot friend standing
by his stared at Sassy and muttered something that sounded like
"my god they're breeding talking dogs now!"
"Oh Peachy Person says on my list I need a rider with a white horse and a WW2
so you and your friend can come and play too!" exclaimed Sassy.
"Phoenix is ... "
A dainty yet fiery Arab Berber Mare suddenly appeared out of nothing and
trotted up to the Peachy One who embraced her.
Sassy muttered a quick prayer to whatever entity was responsible and thought
she heard some one sigh in happy acknowledgement.
( with apologies to Donna Barr but you were being so mean to poor Stinz over in AFTER DEAD and I thought he deserved a break!)
Visit
www.stinz.com
If you can "get" my sense of humor you'll probably enjoy Stinz too!
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Back in the Homeland
Back in the Homeland
Back on sassy's homeland of Teckelstein which A.F. First Minister for just about everything liked to refer to as the Uberheimat (Yes that was a philology joke) and others as that confounded floating giant dog kennel a meeting was being held of desperate beings huddled around a fireplace.
A.F. was convening it and a list of what still worked and what didnt was being revised.
"Confluence Drive?"
"Flickering in and out of an interphasic state."
"Planoforming Engines?"
"Barely maintaining the atmospheric shield."
"Battery power?"
"All Batteries running at 30% and falling."
"Antimatter reactor?"
"We have one of those?"
"Lieber Gott Someone go down to cavern 366 and try a Cold restart!"
"Wormhole generators boomtubes and jumpgates?"
"They open and but don't lead anywhere but the Wood between the Worlds."
"Timeships?"
"None of them were in dock when we got cut off but there's one in maintenance disassembled and lacking a power source or crystals."
"Well gentlebeings there is one option left but it requires sacrifice ..."
"Not the Stone of Darkened Destiny?"
"I barely have a soul! I'm not sacrificing it!"
"You're not innocent enough!" retorted another.
"Gentlebeings! gentlebeings! Order Please!"
"No not the Stone of Darkened Destiny! That's safely locked up until we can jettison it into a blackhole or an epic story line that's so sadistic to its characters that it's the only possible plot resolution!"
(Scribal Note mmm well I can think of several "Interminable Epics")
"Does anyone know where we can find a Cinatmani?" asked another.
"No gentle beings let's try the power of prayer!"
"Whch deity do we petition?"
"All of them?"
Someone got down on their knees and started praying
"Oh mighty all praiseworthy Demented Continuum Editors we beg thee ... "
"Oh sainted Kirby...." "Great bird of the Galaxy ..."
"Q!Q!Q!"
A.F. barked authoritatively.
"Gentlebeings we have not yet faded out of existence completely so we must have some readers left so let us pray together!
"oh mighty congeries of fannish readers and whosoever loveth dachshunds and complicated continaul pop culture cross genre references and whoseever has a sense of humor and can appreciate parody and satire and metatext and intertext cry out to all the powers and persons that have been are in being and will become moved by the power that by sweet Charity and Agape that moves the sun and stars shout out these words.
I BELIEVE IN TECKELSTEIN!
Shout it out threefold tenfold a hundred fold!
TECKELSTEIN IS REAL
MAKE IT SO!"
There was a silence so terrible and ominous that it literally darkened the skies or the batteries droppped further.
Then all the remaining electrical lights and chemical devices such as wax candles and oil lamps flickered at all and flared up just a little.
"Battery power jumped to 34%!"
"Progress is Slow" sighed A.F.
Help fuel up Teckelstein!
Recite the magic words
I BELIEVE IN TECKELSTEIN
TECKELSTEIN IS REAL
MAKE IT SO!
and share this url with friends.
Next time back in the UK .
MAKE IT SO!
Monday, 30 July 2012
Duckponds and Doctors
Duck Ponds and Doctors
While Goldie was motivating her fellow dragonoids Lady Zen Shipper was landing with a loud splash in a duck pond, of the sort that could been found in any neglected English Mid counties village lacking tourist attractions and bypassed by the new roadway or possibly somewhere completely different as there was smoke coming up from a working forge and from a nearby school people were chanting the letters of the ABC and it wasn't the Roman one.
Sassy exited Lady Zen shipper and trotted across the boarding ramp watched by some very irate geese and ducks complaining because they had just lost half the water in their pond and a few startled villagers who were much less noisier. One of the more sensible villagers was running up to the local castle. Sassy headed for the village school as her sensible canid hearing had recognized the distinctive tones of a certain voice.
"Very good class! Now we'll move on to revising Signs of Demonic Possession and Basic Gnomish. Don't forget after lunch a trip uphill to watch the testing of the latest defense automaton!"
"Can they do that without you? We need you elsewhere!" asked Sassy.
The teacher dressed with surprising elegance and refinement for a small village in black silk robes with silver jewellery looked at Sassy glanced out the window at Lady Zen Shipper currently posing as a statue amidst the pond and then leapt out thru the open window changing mid leap into a black and silver dragon taking flight towards the castle. Sassy trotted after him.
Meanwhile back in HerInside's parlor Dr. A was watching the TV with increasing dismay as update after update confirmed his fears. Case Red Sky Falling was causing alternate realities and functionalites to fuse.
Also Young Robert had rung and announced since the situation was a Case Red Sky Falling and NOt Bad Lovecraftian Emerald Dream he and his wife were going to "do something safe and normal, the washing, a picnic, a sleep-in whatever, or maybe something sensible like catch a train to Edinburgh and have a talk with our author..."
On the TV screen an announcer was introducing a face Young Robert might have recognised but not Dr. A.
"" and live from Pasadena to explain the physics behnd universes merging is Dr Leon Ho..."
"Hey before we start I'ld like to ask if anyone has seen this missing person seen walking off with a group of people wearing black shouting out "Me join the Masters of the universe and NOT Wil Wheaton! Thank you hypothetical Deity!"
Yes gentle readers a certain person with a doctorate from Texas has escaped the Village and is wearing black.
At the Castle gates Sassy was barking for attention.
"MrBlackandSilver I know you're in there! Please come out we need you.
I need you. You're on my list. Not the list of potential dates for Goldie."
"Go away. No one's home. They just left on a quest!"
"What quest?" demanded Sassy.
"A quest to successfully visit the capital city and do some shopping without getting involved in royal politicking or offending any priests or discovering any demonic manifestations or whatever!"
"Ask the resident witch what Red Sky Falling means," replied Sassy.
There was a brief silence then the gates opened and a reluctant trio came out, the shapeshifting dragon, a witch, and a man wearing reading glasses and a sword along with a tool bag on the war belt.
"Does our author know you're here ... AGAIN?!" queried one of them.
"NO and I don't think she'll find out. Dr. January is not on my list." replied Sassy," Oh come on don't dawdle. You're between books or after a series anyway and we have to save the multiverse really soon!"
Meanwhile back in New York certain editors' worse nightmares had occurred. They had been cornered in their offices by a famous feline felon and a fearless female investigative reporter who wanted something done about their relationships.
"He finally told me he loved me and you B@#$%^&* reset the Demented Continuum," shrieked one while waving a whip, "and then you catered to the fanboys with that roof top scene. A third female standing outside the door threw a knife to the reporter who called out "Thanks!" and then pointed the knife at the petite brunette standing in the corridor next to two very tall striking redheads and begun ranting,
"You let them get married and me you keep waiting for DECADES and then finally I get my gorgeous combo of sincere loving smalltown boy and powerful alpha male alien and you You YOU ...."
The rest had be censored. I'm sure female readers can guess what would happen if SK and LL could get their hands on certain people.
Sassy however was busy. She had a Doctor to pick up! a doctor of archaeology called ... Fluvia Canta.
Technically Fluvia was custody. Fluvia who had several other names teasingly preferred to it as protective custody as not only did she have a spouse with a travelling device but some very special girlfriends to go shopping with, namely Sassy and Goldie.
Lady Zen Shipper appeared in the corridor outside of Fluvia's cell NS young guard whimpered. "Nnononon not again," and didn't even bother trying for the phone. Sassy calmly walked over to the door of the cell and barked out a request,
"Darling know where I could find a Doctor of Archaeology who might know where I get a Vortex manipulator ?"
fluvia smiled and the lights went out.
The lights quickly came back on showing an empty corriodr and cell and the guard sighed and then cheered up thinking "oh well if she's away along enuff I can have her desert! Its Martian Apple Pie night!"
to be continued sooner or later
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Herding Cats
Herding cats and dragons.
Organizing dragons into groups for joint action is a feat similar to herding cats. Unlikely but possible if the cats have a common gaol.
Pleasing a human they're fond of. Defending kits. Receiving praise.
Getting an annoying small dragonoid to go away.
Then again they may just ignore every effort you make.
Goldie had been sitting on a beach for quite some time next to a pile of collectables and bling shrieking bulging and yodelling in every dragonish lanaguage she know attempting to attract attention so she could get a larger sea dragon or a flier to get her over and up to Dragonmont.
Several potential cusotmers were circling overhead. Some of them had swooped down and attempted to help themselves or taunted her screaming back,
"Oooh look its the LITTLE Goullawk!"
"Hey look its the girl who got banned from Dragonmont!"
Golid retorted loudly.
"Hey I've got Sara Lee Chocolate Cheesecake and it's defrosting ..."
Goldie paused to take a deep breath before she screamed,
" . . . and I've got Pavlova ... and Dwarf Wrought Gold Collars ... and EMBROIDERED QUILTED EGG WARMERS from a Suzhou workshop and ..."
There was apparently a surfeit and surplus of gold collars and sweet treats but egg warmers were in demand!
Soon a few doting mothers descended and begun to inspect the goodies.
There was a brief tantrum of wing clattering and threats and tail spiking until one female dragon with steam emitting spikes drove off the others.
"Iski!" sqealed Goldie in delight,"You're in egg?! Oh I can godmother him or her! Sooo how come you're willing to defy the High Flight and get me up to Dragonmont."
"Hey I'm between books and you know me ... me take orders from anyone unless I profit and most of the High Flight are BOYS! I can outfly them easily! So time for showing how splendid I am in flight. Flump into my harness dear and we'll be up up and away!"
There was a rumor that Dragonmont was situated on an actual world rather then being a dreaming place and that it was one occupied maybe even created by the Dragonoid equivalent of posthumans who had transcended physicality. The constellations moved. There were seasons and storms and cloudy skies to dive through yet sometimes the clouds took on dragon like shapes and had eyes. Ancient sometimes kindly sometimes angry but definitely non human eyes.
Iski and Goldie however were not thinking about that. Iski was trying to catch a thermal and rise up towards the summit of Dragonmont. Dragonmont was an enormous large island probably volcanic in origin though martian size volcanoes were not normally possible on Earth type planets. Especially not volcanoes with grottoes both natural and carved and a plentitude of hot and cold springs and cliffs to soar and glide off and wide ledges and caves for nesting and multiple rings of coral reefs swarming with fish of all sizes.
The lower slopes had villages of friendly biped species willing to groom dragons and make jewellery for them and some race had carved steps and ramps and roads spiralling up and through the mountain side. There were castles to explore and crystal towers and singing stones and a patrol of Guardians racing outwards towards Goldie and Iski.
"YOU!" roared the leader, "are banned from these august and blessed slopes!"
Iski roared back and then folded her wings and plummeted downwards and made a narrow escape into a cloud bank thickening into a storm. he headed inwards toward what would be the eye of the storm. Lightning was starting to flicker from cloud to cloud and dangerously close but Iski fearlessly caught a updraft towards the top of the clouds. The air was thin and dark above but the summit of Dragonmont was visible . As they exited the storm behind them the clouds briefly shifted to a face that winked and smiled like a boddhisattva if a boddhisattva could be a Dragon.
Stars were visible at the summit of Dragonmont and vast ancient beings resting on the warm ashes that gently rose from an inner cone. Eyes opened to study Iski and Goldie even before Goldie called out to them.
"Hello everyone I'm back. Yes already and have I got news for you!
Some very naughty people are trying to re-arrange the multiverse again and they tried to delete Teckelstein! Isn't that just so bad?!
"A multiverse or any universe with less dachshunds mmmm?" grumbled one of the High Flight.
"Were you NOT told of being banned from this holy place?" hissed another.
A third one stood up and lumbering closer to Goldie and Iski and reached out with one limb in a manner that suggested he could easily and willingly flick Goldie off the summit with one extended claw.
Iski hissed inhaled and shook her ruff to its full extent and coiled her tail and hind parts around the Goullawk.
The Goullawk poked her head up over Iski's protective embrace and glanced at them like a parrot considering sidling along a cage bar to approach a treat.
"Well a fine way to greet a Lady this is!" she snapped.
Some one sniggered in a very unenlightened and vulgar manner.
"Has it occurred to any of you if Teckelstein goes this place might be the next target?" asked Goldie.
There was a brief chorus of hissing groaning and bellowings of denial and annoyment.
"Why is this a problem? We can defeat any fool who invades!" replied one.
Goldie squeezed out of Iski's coils and flumped over to him.
She stared up at the huge Elder and then turned around to look at the others.
"I live in Teckelstein when I' m not living adventures.
If Teckelstein goes then I'll need a new home.
I may be banned from Dragonmont but not the rest of this world ..."
"YET!" snapped another Dragon elder.
"and if Teckelstein goes I WILL move here!"
Some one made an odd choking noise so faint it was hard to tell if it was a muffled sound of apprecation of the Goullakw's defiance or gagged horror at the prospect of Goldie taking up full time residence.
"And" continued the Goullawk, "I'll apply to join the council which means one of you will have to supervise my trials mmm?"
There was a brief silence while the Elders conferred telepathically.
"All right what do we have to do to get you back home!"
Goldie very smugly started reciting details and plans.
To be continued at the usual erratic pace sometime soon.
Next time maybe another look at Teckelstein.
Saturday, 23 June 2012
Toil and Trouble and Time Machines.
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exasperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
"Number One obtain strap on time travel device."
"But we have Lady Zen Shipper! ... has something happened to her?" asked Sassy.
"Number Two contact ALL the people listed on the back of this note.
Number Three release prisoners! by the way they have Jonahexed!
Number Four
One wish is all it takes but apparently I willnt be the one making it according to the person who told me that
Number Five Watch out for people who look like two middle aged hikers with English accents and a teenaged girl who isn't called Tara."
The paper with the list fell to the ground as Future Self Sassy either disappeared or imploded with a loud POP.
Sassy and Goldie sat there puzzled until Reg came out of sleath mode and descended to land next to them.
Reg came out of his taxi saw the list and started to read it and turned over and read the list on the other side.
"Well you two have work to do don't you?
There's an awful lot of dragons on this list Goldie?"
"WHY do I have to do the dragons!?" complained the the Goullawk swashing her tail and imperiously rising her head and spreading her crest.
Reg retorted with a list.
"Dragonoid being with scales. Who speaks several darkish lingos.
Domineering personality. Dates other dragons. Dates outside her species.
Has one reluctant boyfriend who's a dragon mage.
Goes shopping with someone even more obsessed with bling with her for gold plated prosthetics for poor whassa his Gra ... "
"Gold is good!" hissed the Goullawk, " . . . so I helped Iski pick up out a commissioned piece of art work over in Ankh and Morpor ..."
"I thought you were banned from most of the dwarvish jewellers there?" asked Reg in a tone of almost malevolent innocence.
"I really don't need a trip to Longshan at the moment," hissed Goldie.
"It's Luau night there! You always try to get barbecue nights unless ... oh you haven't been banned again have you? OH Goldie what was it this time?" cried Sassy.
"er mmm er uh well I might have to apologize for both of us to a few people for pamphleteeering again on P.#.$.N." stated Goldie trying too obviously to be cool and nonchalant.
"OOOOH" sniggered Reg," You two been handing out copies of Workers of P.#.$.N UNITE AGAIN!"
Scribal note For some curious reason this song has NOT been widely distributed throughout Fandom.
"Tunnel Hounds of P.#.$.N Unite
to regain your hearth Rights.
Who keeps the watch wherriess warm at Night
under the cold dread starlight?
who turns the spit for your steaks
who chases off tunnelsnakes ?
Who gets all the darn glory
who hogs most of the story?
who does the work down in the gloom
while dragonkin thru the skies zoom
workers of P.#.$. N. Unite
Regain your ancient right
tunnel hounds no longer ignore
or we'll gnash and smash and gnaw!
oops theres the sound oh so distinct
wonder why lizardies nearly went extinct?
Tunnel Hounds of P.#. $. N. Unite
Regain your ancient Hearth rights!"
"But its for the good of Teckelstein!" barked Sassy
"Er I forget to trim off Proudly Printed by Teckelsteins' Radicals and Rebels Workshop off the bottom" answered Goldie.
The dachshund groaned and slumped to the ground.
"Well ladies I need to get home for supper. You two better come with. Perhaps some of my friends and neighbours might have ideas?"
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Wimbly Time
Ever wondered why a certain subset of linked universes and timelines has been beset by continual reality resets over the last few decades? READ THIS!?
Timelines wimble and Wobble and why!
Reg and company had an easy journey back to the Node apart from having to steer
around some cosmozooans and stopping to give a star whale directions.
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a
cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side
that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is
that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with either Sassy, and Goldie blurted
out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near
temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with
Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever
happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn you and
oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance
to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly
dissolving.
"So what were we looking for again?" asked Goldie.
JonaHexed assumed a rhetorical position.
"Girls and gentleborg logic dictates .."
"or tyrannizes?" remarked Goldie flicking her tail flukes in a disrespectful
manner.
" a logical analysis suggests..." resumed JonaheXed glaring at the Goullawk, who
unable to resist the temptation of making a pun responded by asking him, "You
have a girl friend called Ana Lousis?"
(Scribal TIP consider theoriginal pronounciation of analysis in Greek)
JonaHexed glared at her again and continued,
"that somehow Villians United! and gained access to the Wishing Jewel!"
"Er that is a Buddhist myth isn't it? The Cinatamani?" asked Sassy very
respectfully to soothe JonaHeXed.
"I don't speak Sanskrit..." muttered Reg, " but I take this is some kind of
crystalline based technology that converts energy to mass in response to a
psionic scan of users stationed within its receiving range?"
"Wow awesome technobabble Reg ... that .... that was a truly excellent
expository paragraph ... I think I'm just a bit jealous, " sighed JonaHexed.
"so there's this Wishing Jewel around here somewhere and the Villians probably
snuck one person in and then used it to open all the gates at once or shut down
the defences or some such thing and since they're ..."
"still here and waiting for it to reset" stated a certain future version of
Sassy re-appearing once again with a sulphurous bamf of displaced air, "cos the
wish they made was for it to be highly improbable that anyone could help stop
them."
"oh well that's easy then," burbled Goldie, "we do stuff other people find
atonishingly improbable, or nearly impossible.."
"... and extremely annoying ..." muttered Jonahexed,
"all the time and with grace and style!
So where's this Cintamani wishy thing?" finished Goldie.
"You forgot to ask me why I need to travel back to learn you!" grumbled Future
Sassy.
Everyone shut up to politely allow for a more dramatic pause, even Goldie.
"You can only reset the Cintamani every three days and you have to offer it
something a sacrifice a soul a destiny something big and reality altering!"
Reg groaned. "One of those! Mkranky Crystals, Cosmic Cuboids, Crystal Skulls,
Grail Cups, honestly you humanoids!"
"I wonder who offered their soul?" said Jonahexed.
Flashback The Cintamani A day and a half ago.
A mysterious figure who's bald and thinks green and prple look good on power
armor ... er not so mysterious for some readers is reciting these words.
"I A@#$^&*@( L56789 of Continuum %@ offer up my soul in return for denying
access to this node and wishing jewel for three days Earth Greenwich Time
twentieth century to any being or power who can stop me re-inserting my cloneson
back into my reality on the understanding that a) whatever happens after the
three day period my clone son remains real and gets to live to a healthy old age
dying a heroic death and b) related and linked condition the first person to
make a wish after that three day period can not undo this one whatever happens
to me so may it be!"
Ah the capacity of English for recursivity!
However it didnt occur to the speaker that that meant some one who had no
interest whatsoever in whether his offspring was dead or alive could have access
or make another wish the very moment the three day period ended.
He walked off to join his villians to rounding up and confining anyone being
currnetly at the Node capable of making a better wish.
To quote a certain Gallifrey History can be rewritten
There was a sound of something grinding to a stop and then stiffly painfully
altering its course. A sound like a river flowing backwards forced into a new
course. Then a sound like a strawberry jelly wobbler quivering.
Time is wimbly!
"So why are we here if we cant change things for another day and a half and bit
?" asked Sassy.
"Cos you are going to need a lot of help to make sure one of you is first in
line to make a wish that brings Teceklstein back and fixes the mess here,
hopefully a wish that stops or limits all these annoying reality resets!"
stated Future Sassy who then disappeared again.
Jonahexed groaned quietly.
Then the giant robots appeared.
to be continued ...
Timelines wimble and Wobble and why!
Reg and company had an easy journey back to the Node apart from having to steer
around some cosmozooans and stopping to give a star whale directions.
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a
cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side
that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is
that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with either Sassy, and Goldie blurted
out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near
temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with
Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever
happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn you and
oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance
to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly
dissolving.
"So what were we looking for again?" asked Goldie.
JonaHexed assumed a rhetorical position.
"Girls and gentleborg logic dictates .."
"or tyrannizes?" remarked Goldie flicking her tail flukes in a disrespectful
manner.
" a logical analysis suggests..." resumed JonaheXed glaring at the Goullawk, who
unable to resist the temptation of making a pun responded by asking him, "You
have a girl friend called Ana Lousis?"
(Scribal TIP consider theoriginal pronounciation of analysis in Greek)
JonaHexed glared at her again and continued,
"that somehow Villians United! and gained access to the Wishing Jewel!"
"Er that is a Buddhist myth isn't it? The Cinatamani?" asked Sassy very
respectfully to soothe JonaHeXed.
"I don't speak Sanskrit..." muttered Reg, " but I take this is some kind of
crystalline based technology that converts energy to mass in response to a
psionic scan of users stationed within its receiving range?"
"Wow awesome technobabble Reg ... that .... that was a truly excellent
expository paragraph ... I think I'm just a bit jealous, " sighed JonaHexed.
"so there's this Wishing Jewel around here somewhere and the Villians probably
snuck one person in and then used it to open all the gates at once or shut down
the defences or some such thing and since they're ..."
"still here and waiting for it to reset" stated a certain future version of
Sassy re-appearing once again with a sulphurous bamf of displaced air, "cos the
wish they made was for it to be highly improbable that anyone could help stop
them."
"oh well that's easy then," burbled Goldie, "we do stuff other people find
atonishingly improbable, or nearly impossible.."
"... and extremely annoying ..." muttered Jonahexed,
"all the time and with grace and style!
So where's this Cintamani wishy thing?" finished Goldie.
"You forgot to ask me why I need to travel back to learn you!" grumbled Future
Sassy.
Everyone shut up to politely allow for a more dramatic pause, even Goldie.
"You can only reset the Cintamani every three days and you have to offer it
something a sacrifice a soul a destiny something big and reality altering!"
Reg groaned. "One of those! Mkranky Crystals, Cosmic Cuboids, Crystal Skulls,
Grail Cups, honestly you humanoids!"
"I wonder who offered their soul?" said Jonahexed.
Flashback The Cintamani A day and a half ago.
A mysterious figure who's bald and thinks green and prple look good on power
armor ... er not so mysterious for some readers is reciting these words.
"I A@#$^&*@( L56789 of Continuum %@ offer up my soul in return for denying
access to this node and wishing jewel for three days Earth Greenwich Time
twentieth century to any being or power who can stop me re-inserting my cloneson
back into my reality on the understanding that a) whatever happens after the
three day period my clone son remains real and gets to live to a healthy old age
dying a heroic death and b) related and linked condition the first person to
make a wish after that three day period can not undo this one whatever happens
to me so may it be!"
Ah the capacity of English for recursivity!
However it didnt occur to the speaker that that meant some one who had no
interest whatsoever in whether his offspring was dead or alive could have access
or make another wish the very moment the three day period ended.
He walked off to join his villians to rounding up and confining anyone being
currnetly at the Node capable of making a better wish.
To quote a certain Gallifrey History can be rewritten
There was a sound of something grinding to a stop and then stiffly painfully
altering its course. A sound like a river flowing backwards forced into a new
course. Then a sound like a strawberry jelly wobbler quivering.
Time is wimbly!
"So why are we here if we cant change things for another day and a half and bit
?" asked Sassy.
"Cos you are going to need a lot of help to make sure one of you is first in
line to make a wish that brings Teceklstein back and fixes the mess here,
hopefully a wish that stops or limits all these annoying reality resets!"
stated Future Sassy who then disappeared again.
Jonahexed groaned quietly.
Then the giant robots appeared.
to be continued ...
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
A Sensible Civil Sorcerer
Dr A@#$%^&* was enjoying a cup of Darjeeling when his phone rung.
He put down the catalogue of exotic plants he had been holding in his other hand and lifted up the old fashioned receiver. He refused to use a cell phone especially after that incident with the modified iphone and the extra paper work and meetings it had created.
"DR A I wonder if you could pop in after work?"
"AH Silver lady of course it would be a pleasure. Have you been ... baking?"
"Oh Dr A you know I always make extra in case friends drop in and this afternoon two very special friends did with information you might want. Is this line clear? Is anyone in your office? We may have a Code Sky is falling situation."
"Some one is planning an illegal crossover that will weaken or even fracture the zone between worlds?"
"Possibly worse. Sassy and Goldie came to afternoon tea, and No, they're N _ O _ T causing problems but they came because my darling Reg had to do an emergency pickup from L.A."
The Silver Lady also know as HerInside went on to describe in brief the day's events.
Dr A after listening to her account placed the phone down swore in Mongolian then Latin and a strange unhuman language and summoned the apprentice he referred to as young Robert to his office.
"CodexRedSkyDissolving" he uttered solemnly three times.
Young Robert shuddered and cringed. There were few things as scary as his boss' ability to pronounce capitalisation. Dr A's use of that ability indicated some of those few things were active and that he might have to work UNPAID overtime.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)