Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Wimbly Time

Ever wondered why a certain subset of linked universes and timelines has been beset by continual reality resets over the last few decades? READ THIS!?

Timelines wimble and Wobble and why!

Reg and company had an easy journey back to the Node apart from having to steer

around some cosmozooans and stopping to give a star whale directions.

The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a

cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side

that had been burnt very recently.

"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.

"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is

that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.

Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.

JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with either Sassy, and Goldie blurted

out in a huff,

"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near

temptation and bling ... and then there  was that time I went shopping with

Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"

"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever

happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn you and

oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance


She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly


"So what were we looking for again?" asked Goldie.

JonaHexed assumed a rhetorical position.

"Girls and gentleborg logic dictates .."

"or tyrannizes?" remarked Goldie flicking her tail flukes in a disrespectful


" a logical analysis suggests..." resumed JonaheXed glaring at the Goullawk, who

unable to resist the temptation of making a pun responded by asking him, "You

have a girl friend called Ana Lousis?"

(Scribal TIP consider theoriginal pronounciation of analysis in Greek)

JonaHexed glared at her again and continued,

 "that somehow Villians United! and gained access to the Wishing Jewel!"

"Er that is a Buddhist myth isn't it? The Cinatamani?" asked Sassy very

respectfully to soothe JonaHeXed.

"I don't speak Sanskrit..." muttered Reg, " but I take this is some kind of

crystalline based technology that converts energy to mass in response to a

psionic scan of users stationed within its receiving range?"

"Wow awesome technobabble Reg ... that .... that was a truly excellent

expository paragraph ... I think I'm just a bit jealous, " sighed JonaHexed.

"so there's this Wishing Jewel around here somewhere and the Villians probably

snuck one person in and then used it to open all the gates at once or shut down

the defences or some such thing and since they're  ..."

"still here and waiting for it to reset" stated a certain future version of

Sassy re-appearing once again with a sulphurous bamf of displaced air, "cos the

wish they made was for it to be highly improbable that anyone could help stop


"oh well that's easy then," burbled Goldie, "we do stuff other people find

atonishingly improbable, or nearly impossible.."

"... and extremely annoying ..." muttered Jonahexed,

"all the time and with grace and style!

So where's this Cintamani wishy thing?" finished Goldie.

"You forgot to ask me why I need to travel back to learn you!" grumbled Future


Everyone shut up to politely allow for a more dramatic pause, even Goldie.

"You can only reset the Cintamani every three days and you have to offer it

something a sacrifice a soul a destiny something big and reality altering!"

Reg groaned. "One of those! Mkranky Crystals, Cosmic Cuboids, Crystal Skulls,

Grail Cups, honestly you humanoids!"

"I wonder who offered their soul?" said Jonahexed.

Flashback The Cintamani A day and a half ago.

A mysterious figure who's bald and thinks green and prple look good on power

armor ... er not so mysterious for some readers is reciting these words.

"I A@#$^&*@( L56789 of Continuum %@ offer up my soul in return for denying

access to this node and wishing jewel for three days Earth Greenwich Time

twentieth century to any being or power who can stop me re-inserting my cloneson

back into my reality on the understanding that a) whatever happens after the

three day period my clone son remains real and gets to live to a healthy old age

dying a heroic death and b) related and linked condition the first person to

make a wish after that three day period can not undo this one whatever happens

to me so may it be!"

Ah the capacity of English for recursivity!

However it didnt occur to the speaker that that meant some one who had no

interest whatsoever in whether his offspring was dead or alive could have access

or make another wish the very moment the three day period ended.

He walked off to join his villians to rounding up and confining anyone being

currnetly at the Node capable of making a better wish.

To quote a certain Gallifrey History can be rewritten

There was a sound of something grinding to a stop and then stiffly painfully

altering its course. A sound like a river flowing backwards forced into a new

course. Then a sound like a strawberry jelly wobbler quivering.

Time is wimbly!

"So why are we here if we cant change things for another day and a half and bit

?" asked Sassy.

"Cos you are going to need a lot of help to make sure one of you is first in

line to make a wish that brings Teceklstein back and fixes the mess here,

hopefully a wish that stops or limits all these annoying reality resets!"
stated Future Sassy who then disappeared again.

Jonahexed groaned quietly.

Then the giant robots appeared.

to be continued ...