Tuesday, 1 May 2012


LONDON CALLING!

Transdimensional devices can be larger inside than outside.

And also have doors that change size when you really need to move!.

A useful feature indeed when you have a human a dachshund and a motor bike with a side car plus a bundled up goullawk all trying to get thru a door as quickly as possible while the henchfolk outside are aiming weapons at them.

Inside at the front of the cab where the driver's seat should be was the mobile casing for a mutant cyborg.
 A sign hanging down from the ceiling advised passengers.

"DO NOT BE ALARMED!
YOUR DRIVER IS CALLED REG
(ALMOST) THE LAST DAWLLAWK
NOT A DA#$%!
REALLY!"

The driver turned an optical sensor towards his passengers in the back seat.

"SO ladies and gentlebeings where to?
I was heading home for afternoon tea myself!
HerInside is making Devonshire Tea !
Care to join us in a restorative cup?."

The passengers barked assented and in the case of a still muzzled Goldie mumbled thru McGyver standard duct tape as Reg deftly considering he only apparently had one external digit hit the accelerator triggered the inertial dampers and the cab took off through the skies heading eastwards at near light speed.

They passed a couple of UFOS three black ops sleath aircraft and a time bubble with some teenagers in it as they crossed the Atlantic Ocean and then veered south and moved to a lower altitude to avoid the temporal anomalies and stray pterodactyls near Cardiff.

Reg took the scenic route over the Weald and then circled up towards the Thames and descended to a quiet suburban street in Eastern London.

As they climbed out of the taxi onto the pavement a woman with a pram waved at them.

"'Ello Reg 'Avin' a good day!"

"The best!"
chortled Reg gliding towards his front door past a shrubbery of plants neatly trimmed into robot shapes.
 The door had a knocker featuring the head of the famous fembot from Metropolis.

"Cosplay excuse still working Reg?" asked Sassy.

"Well that, and half the residents on this street being werewolves, vampires, refugees from cancelled series, escapees or holiday rentals from book realms, and the perceptual filter fractals hidden in the paintwork, that  Dr A designed for us."

Reg called out to his spouse as his passengers sat down in the front parlour.

"Sweet silver and sugar your spice pot is home!"

"Tea's just reached the perfect pouring temperature dearest!
I've have the tea trolley there in a minute!
Did I hear Sassy come in with you?"

A tall slender being with a skin of flexible metallic silver mixed with armor and wearing a frilly apron, pushed a trolley loaded with a basket lined with a linen tea towel to keep scones warm, a English creamware teapot with steam rising from its spout, and a small bowl of strawberry conserve, into the room.

(Real strawberry conserve not some vaguely fruity gelatine pretending to be jam)

"Hello darlings you haven't dropped in on us for ages!"

Jonahexed was still trying to untape and tie Goldie.

HerInside glanced at this.

"I'lll just go and get my scissors and the Stanley knife shall I so Goldie can join us and some extra straws, yes?"

"That's my very practical darling!" stated Reg proudly.

A shirt while later after some lovely scissor work by HerInside Goldie and Reg were sipping tea thru straws into their orifices, Sassy was licking cream and jam off a scone, and Jonahexed was sticking out one finger at a time trying to remember which one you kept straight while drinking tea.

"Well ladies and friends why were people shooting at you this time?" asked Reg.

Jonahexed opened his mouth ready to go to explanatory mode but Sassy barked first.

"You know that node where ALL well nearly ALL the various Time patrols Agencies and Temporal Bureaus have offices well its been overrun by villains from their own universes and others, ALL of them at once! They're having a massive crossover collision crisis!
The oddest thing though," continued Sassy, "well I saw myself and she told me not to come back for three days?"

"UM" muttered Reg thoughtfully, "now the other day I was in one of the Book Realms picking up a fare and the passengers were talking about how a reset takes three days and they were going towards a node?!"

"So?" asked JonaHexed, " do we go back one day or forward two and half or what?

When exactly did they reset the node to lower the quantum thresholds between realities?"

"Who cares! I need someone to massage salve into the marks the duct tape left!" hissed Goldie.

"Then SO," continued JonaHexed who had a great fondness for  conjunctions , "are we going to do some sensible planning and get some expert advice or go looking for trouble?"

"Reg can you take us to the node?" asked Sassy.

JonaHexed moaned and HerInside thoughtfully passed him another scone and returned to the kitchen, calling out as she went,

"I'll just pack some lunches for you then!"

Later after they left Her Indoors with equal thoughtfulness and concern rang a London phone number, which was a direct line to the office of  the deeply scary sorcerer called Dr A******* .

(Yes an office which probably has a nickname starting with L. Probably?)

Join us later this week or next week for the the next part which I haven't even thought of a name of yet!

and think about using that paypal tip jar I have a birthday coming up!