Saturday, 17 May 2014

A Memo from a Certain Director

As regular readers ( do we have any?) have noticed my co-writers Sassy and Goldie distract easily and instead of informing me what happened next in strict and correct linear temporal sequence go off in tangents or bring me memos like this which appears to have come from the office of someone just promoted to Director of a certain organisation this week

Director C&*$&n to All STAFF and OFFICES)
To be distributed by email and print

RE: Salvage ops

It has come to my attention that certain individuals are selling fragments of various facilities and equipment on ebay. This will cease immediately!

Someone tried to sell LOLA! I know she needs repairs but we are not selling LOLA to raise funds for rebuilding.

I know it seemed like a good idea but someone using the ebay ID of HULKBUSTER showed up with several trucks and tried to enter restricted areas claiming they had bid successfully for salvage rights!

No more ebay auctions!

Graffiti.

NO further action will be taken if the person who sprayed Buddy Lives and Phil's Family Fun Therapy UNIT on the outside of my AIRBUS removes it. Promptly. You have 24 hours. The same applies to the person or people  who thought it was funny to spray WHY HULK SEE RED YET TURN GREEN? in the corridor outside Dr Banner's lab.  Likewise the individual who sprayed VOTE ONE STARK for BIGGER BETTER SHINY TOYS!

This is not a democracy or dictatorship.

Staff performance reviews.

A lot of you need to come up with something better than
"Hey I just yelled Hail Hydra because everyone else was doing it!"

Who put a chocolate labrador retriever inside Agent Ward's debriefing room?

He is now sobbing hysterically and babbling intel about Hydra between bouts of gambolling around the room playing with the dog. If anyone thinks they're helping him do an insanity plea ... this will not work!

I have no record of any agents using the IDs Sassy or Goldie!

Sincerely Intent on rebuilding our organisation

P.S. The next person who claims they saw a purple dragonoid on a skateboard and a talking dachshund will report for immediate psych evaluation!