Sassy's trip through the vortex had brought her to the Door that goes almost Everywhere and When.
"DODO's Super Flying Ultra Postal Service Head Office Please!"
In an neglected corner of fan fiction was Generic City
(see Just a Lotta animals if you can find it)
and in Generic City was a service run about some very special pigeons and parrots and other Avians. someone had genespliced a pigeon a dodo and possibly a bit of African Grey parrot. The result had a perch behind a counter and was wearing a ww2 fighter pilot cap.
"Oh hello Sassy havnt seen any of your folk for a while."
"Dodo dear do you have an active link to Teckelstein?" asked Sassy as she trotted behind the counter into the staff area.
"I've got a tech team looking at that now. The light keeps blinking on and off!"
The pigeon flapped down a corridor and Sassy trotted swiftly below and just a little behind him.
They entered a room full of blinking lights with names like Westeros, Honorverse, Disney Anime, Urban Noir, Uber Chicago and of course Discworld. Each of these lights had a pigeon size door below it and various notes, like beware the gargoyles, avoid the dragons, or force shield necessary.
On the floor below some very large rats wearing tool belts were swarming in and out of a mechanism that seemed to be connecting various cables to the lights and doors and a large monitor. There was a shriek from inside that mechanism and a ratty scream of
"See I told you it was live. Use the meter!"
A slightly scorched rodent wombled out towards them spun around and collapsed.
"Will he be alright?' asked Sassy smelling burnt fur.
"Ello ello ello wot can ay do for youse?" asked another rodent wearing a white cap and glasses.
"Teckelstein! Has the link stabilised!"
Well we're getting a lot of quantum fluctation today but yes while I don't think a medium to large humanoid could travel through quantum we can generate a quantum level tunneling for a smaller being like your ladyship or our couriers!
Dodo puffed out his chest.
"What message do you want me to deliver Sassy?"
"Several actually! I have a list!" stated the dachshund.
To be continued when my informants don't get distracted and forget to discover notes to me!
Spoiler alert I swear by the nine muses certain events in upcoming episodes occurred BEFORE Forever Evil and of course this is fiction but why do the girls keep "guessing" about certain events? worrisome? Mr L is trying along with Young L#$% to break the mythic cycle and the girls have been insisting for years that ... what next a certain Lannister finally gets his hands on gunpowder and cannonry?
Final note to readers I am actually writing a serious SF novel.
This series ... isn't ...any definable genre?
Thursday, 19 June 2014
Saturday, 31 May 2014
Falling Hounds, Chainsaws and More Mayhem.
Previously in Temporal Pests, our trepid canine heroine was about to enter the Time Vortex, our other heroine got squashed by a giant robot, and a large section of our supporting cast is trapped in a control room ...
BOOM bang thump BOOM
the door was vibrating and starting to crack and that was the last thing Sassy saw before she was swept into the Vortex between worlds and realms, swirling away on the winds that are time, caught in temporal currents, and hopefully being swept along to the exit point for her destination.
While many of our supporting cast were were getting ready to fight when the door collapsed or dissolved one of them was franticly typing commands at a terminal and another was outside and hadn't entered at all.
The Clown Prince of Crime had never entered the control room at all but had discovered a gardener's shed and a chainsaw.
He sauntered and strutted back towards the assembled villanry and then checked stopped, posed inspiringly for artists, fired up the chainsaw and shrieked,
"OKAY WHO STARTED THE PARTY WITHOUT ME!"
and then quietly added , " ... and without inviting moi?"
A lot of people started running. More importantly most of them stopped attacking the door and turned their weapons towards him.
Somewhere beyond time and space as we know it a rock floats and on it is nothing about a door. All you have to do to open that door is to knock on it and think or say where you want to go.
Sassy landed on that rock.
To be continued!
BOOM bang thump BOOM
the door was vibrating and starting to crack and that was the last thing Sassy saw before she was swept into the Vortex between worlds and realms, swirling away on the winds that are time, caught in temporal currents, and hopefully being swept along to the exit point for her destination.
While many of our supporting cast were were getting ready to fight when the door collapsed or dissolved one of them was franticly typing commands at a terminal and another was outside and hadn't entered at all.
The Clown Prince of Crime had never entered the control room at all but had discovered a gardener's shed and a chainsaw.
He sauntered and strutted back towards the assembled villanry and then checked stopped, posed inspiringly for artists, fired up the chainsaw and shrieked,
"OKAY WHO STARTED THE PARTY WITHOUT ME!"
and then quietly added , " ... and without inviting moi?"
A lot of people started running. More importantly most of them stopped attacking the door and turned their weapons towards him.
Somewhere beyond time and space as we know it a rock floats and on it is nothing about a door. All you have to do to open that door is to knock on it and think or say where you want to go.
Sassy landed on that rock.
To be continued!
Saturday, 17 May 2014
and more than Time is broken ...
I'm not sure if my phone app uploaded the update about my broken arm.
People due to a fracture of the right radius bone near my elbow and conseuqnet muscle stiffness spasms aches pains and twinges etc I've only been able to resume typing with more than one finger this week!
Clearly a plot by the forces of evil to hinder Sassy and Goldie!?
People due to a fracture of the right radius bone near my elbow and conseuqnet muscle stiffness spasms aches pains and twinges etc I've only been able to resume typing with more than one finger this week!
Clearly a plot by the forces of evil to hinder Sassy and Goldie!?
A Memo from a Certain Director
As regular readers ( do we have any?) have noticed my co-writers Sassy and Goldie distract easily and instead of informing me what happened next in strict and correct linear temporal sequence go off in tangents or bring me memos like this which appears to have come from the office of someone just promoted to Director of a certain organisation this week
Director C&*$&n to All STAFF and OFFICES)
To be distributed by email and print
RE: Salvage ops
It has come to my attention that certain individuals are selling fragments of various facilities and equipment on ebay. This will cease immediately!
Someone tried to sell LOLA! I know she needs repairs but we are not selling LOLA to raise funds for rebuilding.
I know it seemed like a good idea but someone using the ebay ID of HULKBUSTER showed up with several trucks and tried to enter restricted areas claiming they had bid successfully for salvage rights!
No more ebay auctions!
Graffiti.
NO further action will be taken if the person who sprayed Buddy Lives and Phil's Family Fun Therapy UNIT on the outside of my AIRBUS removes it. Promptly. You have 24 hours. The same applies to the person or people who thought it was funny to spray WHY HULK SEE RED YET TURN GREEN? in the corridor outside Dr Banner's lab. Likewise the individual who sprayed VOTE ONE STARK for BIGGER BETTER SHINY TOYS!
This is not a democracy or dictatorship.
Staff performance reviews.
A lot of you need to come up with something better than
"Hey I just yelled Hail Hydra because everyone else was doing it!"
Who put a chocolate labrador retriever inside Agent Ward's debriefing room?
He is now sobbing hysterically and babbling intel about Hydra between bouts of gambolling around the room playing with the dog. If anyone thinks they're helping him do an insanity plea ... this will not work!
I have no record of any agents using the IDs Sassy or Goldie!
Sincerely Intent on rebuilding our organisation
P.S. The next person who claims they saw a purple dragonoid on a skateboard and a talking dachshund will report for immediate psych evaluation!
Director C&*$&n to All STAFF and OFFICES)
To be distributed by email and print
RE: Salvage ops
It has come to my attention that certain individuals are selling fragments of various facilities and equipment on ebay. This will cease immediately!
Someone tried to sell LOLA! I know she needs repairs but we are not selling LOLA to raise funds for rebuilding.
I know it seemed like a good idea but someone using the ebay ID of HULKBUSTER showed up with several trucks and tried to enter restricted areas claiming they had bid successfully for salvage rights!
No more ebay auctions!
Graffiti.
NO further action will be taken if the person who sprayed Buddy Lives and Phil's Family Fun Therapy UNIT on the outside of my AIRBUS removes it. Promptly. You have 24 hours. The same applies to the person or people who thought it was funny to spray WHY HULK SEE RED YET TURN GREEN? in the corridor outside Dr Banner's lab. Likewise the individual who sprayed VOTE ONE STARK for BIGGER BETTER SHINY TOYS!
This is not a democracy or dictatorship.
Staff performance reviews.
A lot of you need to come up with something better than
"Hey I just yelled Hail Hydra because everyone else was doing it!"
Who put a chocolate labrador retriever inside Agent Ward's debriefing room?
He is now sobbing hysterically and babbling intel about Hydra between bouts of gambolling around the room playing with the dog. If anyone thinks they're helping him do an insanity plea ... this will not work!
I have no record of any agents using the IDs Sassy or Goldie!
Sincerely Intent on rebuilding our organisation
P.S. The next person who claims they saw a purple dragonoid on a skateboard and a talking dachshund will report for immediate psych evaluation!
Friday, 16 May 2014
Consequences and Convergences or Return of the Queen and other stuff
Meanwhile back in the "real" world events were almost as odd as those occurring at the Node.
Wakandan State Media was announcing an takeover bid for Fox News to the glee of a certain President.
In Tokyo a Shinto shrine was being raised to Godzilla who had just saved Tokyo AGAIN and was being offered the entire days contents of Tsukuji fish market as the first offering.
Ron and Jack were leading a convoy of British heroes to Stonehenge to help at the Node battle.
In Canberra Australia a talking Koala in clothes and a creature that looked at a pudding with legs wearing an old style ceramic kitchen bowl were trying to explain to a Prime Minister and his Treasurer the economy was not a Magic Pudding.
Elsewhere a small hound was being whirled through time and space in search on herself !
And that ominously bubbling pit where we left Goldie?
Someone has just crawled out of it and she's in a really BAD mood!
You thought Godzilla's roar in the latest movie version was impressive.
This isn't a podcast! You'll just have to imagine how it sounds!
NYARGAHARGLRAHAHAHAAAARKARGH!
Yipe definitely a bad mood!
Wakandan State Media was announcing an takeover bid for Fox News to the glee of a certain President.
In Tokyo a Shinto shrine was being raised to Godzilla who had just saved Tokyo AGAIN and was being offered the entire days contents of Tsukuji fish market as the first offering.
Ron and Jack were leading a convoy of British heroes to Stonehenge to help at the Node battle.
In Canberra Australia a talking Koala in clothes and a creature that looked at a pudding with legs wearing an old style ceramic kitchen bowl were trying to explain to a Prime Minister and his Treasurer the economy was not a Magic Pudding.
Elsewhere a small hound was being whirled through time and space in search on herself !
And that ominously bubbling pit where we left Goldie?
Someone has just crawled out of it and she's in a really BAD mood!
You thought Godzilla's roar in the latest movie version was impressive.
This isn't a podcast! You'll just have to imagine how it sounds!
NYARGAHARGLRAHAHAHAAAARKARGH!
Yipe definitely a bad mood!
Saturday, 12 April 2014
Time is Loopy Two
Inside the now crowded control room people were franticly working on two projects, adjusting a Vortex Manipulator to be worn by a small hound and trying to create a multi-dimensional mailing list. People were of course arguing over who to invite or plea for help and whether to make a special harness or just duct tape the device to Sassy. Closer to the door Wolowiz was creating barricades of transuranic metals, synthetic diamond walls, and nanoclouds that could eat armor, and anything that might slow down the inevitable collapse of even a door made of unobtanium which was being to crack.
Meanwhile on this world your Scribe is struggling with a broken arm. How typing with one finger of the other arm can cause twinges in the damaged arm is an annoying mystery.
The door shuddered and shook into a million tiny pieces as the send message command was entered and a dachshund disappeared as Fluvia triggered the Manipulator with one hand while drawing one of her guns with the other.
She had probably just started or closed a temporal loop.
To be continued next week after I find out what physio I need for my right arm.
Hey I type with my left but the twinges and aches are kinda very distracting?
Meanwhile on this world your Scribe is struggling with a broken arm. How typing with one finger of the other arm can cause twinges in the damaged arm is an annoying mystery.
The door shuddered and shook into a million tiny pieces as the send message command was entered and a dachshund disappeared as Fluvia triggered the Manipulator with one hand while drawing one of her guns with the other.
She had probably just started or closed a temporal loop.
To be continued next week after I find out what physio I need for my right arm.
Hey I type with my left but the twinges and aches are kinda very distracting?
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Time is Loopy
My right arm is broken so a cut and paste job !
Time is Loopy ! Part One
in which the Scribe attempts to start sorting out the plot line disruptions caused by all those reality resets cosmic convergences and temporal loops etc
Previously on Temporal Pests ...
Future Sassy appeared twice to past and present Sassy
and that list mysteriously altered too ...
First Appearance ...
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot,and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them.
Appearance Two
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with Sassy, and Goldie blurted out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn yourself and oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly dissolving.
Appearance Three
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exsperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
Now a problem the girls havnt solved yet ...
Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearly had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.
Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.
Time is Loopy ! Part One
in which the Scribe attempts to start sorting out the plot line disruptions caused by all those reality resets cosmic convergences and temporal loops etc
Previously on Temporal Pests ...
Future Sassy appeared twice to past and present Sassy
and that list mysteriously altered too ...
First Appearance ...
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot,and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them.
Appearance Two
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with Sassy, and Goldie blurted out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn yourself and oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly dissolving.
Appearance Three
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exsperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
Now a problem the girls havnt solved yet ...
Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearly had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.
Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.
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