Hints for Grant Ward

Apparently next week if you're a US viewer lucky people sob
  #GrantWard of #AgentsofShield will be having some very special family fun time with his brother Satan er Xtian er well he's an evil Republican senator so here are some suggestions for things they can do together.

1)Throw Xtian into the boot of your car along with a phone set on speaker and as you drive sing into your phone to the tune of 10 Green bottles on a wall

10 MORE MILES TO THE WELL

2) He's a Republican Senator

tie him up and make him watch his own mid term advertising  several hundred times

3) He's a Republican Senator

You tube clips of Obama talking and smiling and being happy !

4) Tell him you're going to visit the last of your SHIELD and HYDRA emergency caches and donate to whoever his Democrat opponent is

5) He's a Republican Senator.

Give him some drug that temporarily blocks him from speaking dress him as a homeless person or remove all his ID and then leave him at a public hospital emergency room with a note taped to his clothing.

"I voted against Affordable Healthcare and extra funding for homeless vets!"

I do wonder what the script writers will come up with?

"DAD SKILLS"

Fans of a certain  Cardiff produced TV program have noticed after a major tiff a certain English teacher changed her mind about a certain Traveller the next episode.

Someone apparently improved or had a refresher for their "dad skills" .

Others of you may remember a certain fan joke about Coulson referring to using the services of one of UNIT's consultants.


MMM

We now bring you yet another irresponsible piece of cross genre fanfic!

The office of a certain Director. All is quiet. The sound proofing is muffling the the howling from the basement. The damaged Brit is sharing the Xbox with a friend. The girls are practising on the target range. The Director is watching ballroom dancing videos on youtube.
Cloenig is on the phone with ... how many brothers does he have?


Suddenly a familiar noise fills the air and a large six sided object with doors on one side appears and a frantic figure leaps through the doors and bounds towards the Director's desk.

"You! You! You have to help me!" he screams in a mildly Glasgow Scots accent.

"How did you find this location!" snaps the Director.

"Oh I used to work for UNIT and my sort of maybe not yet dead wife goes shopping with a dragonoid and a dachshund who apparently know someone who "Ships" for some one ... was it Granite or Warden ... look I'll pay ... I'll give you my phone number!"

"Are you a certain xenobiology expert?" asks the Director.

"Yes! Yes thats me and I need a refresher in dad skills. My girl is being impossible! ... and I'll buy you a FULL tank of fuel for your AIRBUS!"

"DONE!"

Some time later his pupil having left the Director is sitting at his desk typing up class notes having had a bright idea for a best selling DIY book to raise funds!

DAD SKILLS
BOSS SKILLS
by Fil Martini

Lesson One Share and cook family meals!
Includes my recipe for kale and steak !

Is there any chance Whedon is reading this?

Come on humor include at least one reference to that British consultant!

A Memo from a Certain Director

As regular readers ( do we have any?) have noticed my co-writers Sassy and Goldie distract easily and instead of informing me what happened next in strict and correct linear temporal sequence go off in tangents or bring me memos like this which appears to have come from the office of someone just promoted to Director of a certain organisation this week

Director C&*$&n to All STAFF and OFFICES)
To be distributed by email and print

RE: Salvage ops

It has come to my attention that certain individuals are selling fragments of various facilities and equipment on ebay. This will cease immediately!

Someone tried to sell LOLA! I know she needs repairs but we are not selling LOLA to raise funds for rebuilding.

I know it seemed like a good idea but someone using the ebay ID of HULKBUSTER showed up with several trucks and tried to enter restricted areas claiming they had bid successfully for salvage rights!

No more ebay auctions!

Graffiti.

NO further action will be taken if the person who sprayed Buddy Lives and Phil's Family Fun Therapy UNIT on the outside of my AIRBUS removes it. Promptly. You have 24 hours. The same applies to the person or people  who thought it was funny to spray WHY HULK SEE RED YET TURN GREEN? in the corridor outside Dr Banner's lab.  Likewise the individual who sprayed VOTE ONE STARK for BIGGER BETTER SHINY TOYS!

This is not a democracy or dictatorship.

Staff performance reviews.

A lot of you need to come up with something better than
"Hey I just yelled Hail Hydra because everyone else was doing it!"

Who put a chocolate labrador retriever inside Agent Ward's debriefing room?

He is now sobbing hysterically and babbling intel about Hydra between bouts of gambolling around the room playing with the dog. If anyone thinks they're helping him do an insanity plea ... this will not work!

I have no record of any agents using the IDs Sassy or Goldie!

Sincerely Intent on rebuilding our organisation

P.S. The next person who claims they saw a purple dragonoid on a skateboard and a talking dachshund will report for immediate psych evaluation!

Agent Phil's Family Fun Time and Furies explained

Meanwhile as worlds collide converge and become chaotic one sensible individual is staying out of trouble safely riding out the chaos on a plane with a fuel tank which apparently can circumnavigate the world several times without refuelling. But his boss is not happy about this.

Oh and an explanation of how a white 60s Fury became ... the new guy with the eye patch much darker tan ... and attitude!

A phone rings.

"Phil I need your admin skills! Get back here now!"

"But that require a dangerous transit through unstable areas of temporal and spatial distortions ... Wahrd stop teasing the Fitzes and go help Skype with her homework!"

" Phil you have to get back here due to those distortions my grandfather's trying to "volunteer" and return to service! Gramps please no put that gun down. No we don't use howitzers any more and no you can't have a rocket launcher! Gramps please! And stop going around the carrier telling people how proud you are of me! You're spoiling my image! "

Phil smirks. The yelling from the phone continues.

"No gramps of course I love you  but even with that youth serum you're in your 90s and seeing you is starting up that nepotism rumor again!"

Phil please come back please!"

Agents of Shield returns to Australian tv on wednesday night !

Agent C to A.F. Teckelstein

This series of messages may explain why I don't have a regular posting  schedule.

The Christmas / New Year Party season has started apparently.

Agent C*%#@*$ to A. F. Teckelstein.

Some one claiming to be your grand niece gave me your email address.

Please explain why and how she and her "galpal" the Goullawk are currently INFESTING my  plane!

A. F. its VON Teckelstein to Agent what did you do with that cellist girlfriend ?

Ignore them or fed them sashimi. The dragonoid will eat any type with seafood.

Agent Cou know who don't you to A. F. Teckelstein

Now some one calling herself a  Professor  of Archaeology has shown up and they're trying to persuade my pilot to come night clubbing with them!

A. F. to Agent C

Its between filming seasons. Surely you can remember you're a fictional character in other universes now. You really haven't meet River before this?

Agent C to A. F. What do you mean "Fictional" OF cos I'm REAL and they "borrowed" LOLA!  I ...!@$#$@!! TAHITI TAHITI TAHITI emergency reset Tahiti is a magical place !  ...

and that was all the correspondence I could get copies of  ...

I pity the night club owner who gets Agent M a certain Doctor's Wife And Sassy and Goldie showing up to party.