"DAD SKILLS"

Fans of a certain  Cardiff produced TV program have noticed after a major tiff a certain English teacher changed her mind about a certain Traveller the next episode.

Someone apparently improved or had a refresher for their "dad skills" .

Others of you may remember a certain fan joke about Coulson referring to using the services of one of UNIT's consultants.


MMM

We now bring you yet another irresponsible piece of cross genre fanfic!

The office of a certain Director. All is quiet. The sound proofing is muffling the the howling from the basement. The damaged Brit is sharing the Xbox with a friend. The girls are practising on the target range. The Director is watching ballroom dancing videos on youtube.
Cloenig is on the phone with ... how many brothers does he have?


Suddenly a familiar noise fills the air and a large six sided object with doors on one side appears and a frantic figure leaps through the doors and bounds towards the Director's desk.

"You! You! You have to help me!" he screams in a mildly Glasgow Scots accent.

"How did you find this location!" snaps the Director.

"Oh I used to work for UNIT and my sort of maybe not yet dead wife goes shopping with a dragonoid and a dachshund who apparently know someone who "Ships" for some one ... was it Granite or Warden ... look I'll pay ... I'll give you my phone number!"

"Are you a certain xenobiology expert?" asks the Director.

"Yes! Yes thats me and I need a refresher in dad skills. My girl is being impossible! ... and I'll buy you a FULL tank of fuel for your AIRBUS!"

"DONE!"

Some time later his pupil having left the Director is sitting at his desk typing up class notes having had a bright idea for a best selling DIY book to raise funds!

DAD SKILLS
BOSS SKILLS
by Fil Martini

Lesson One Share and cook family meals!
Includes my recipe for kale and steak !

Is there any chance Whedon is reading this?

Come on humor include at least one reference to that British consultant!

Agents of Naughtiness!

Agents of Naughtiness

probably #fanfiction   this couldnt have really happened anywhere in the multiverse? Could it?

What still no paypal tips ?

Okay you're just going to have to put up with another out of sequence of one of the girls' recent misadventures.

A secret facility somewhere  ... apparently you can land and hide an HUGE airbus with driving distance of wher- ever a certain general lives with no one noticing?

What a marvellous universe!

Director Carving into Walls is my new hobby is staring out  of the window and hasnt noticed the live feed from Vault 4 of just HOW Skype is interrogating Buddy's Best Friend who curiously is now wearing a WILFRED outfit with chocolate brown fur and is rolling on the floor either trying to look cute or convince Skype after that recent psychotic break he needs a REAL therapist!

Clonig or is he a droid is standing in front of the screen  clearly praying Director Yoga is not my Hobby stays by the window.

Just then a statue materializes in the middle of the office.

Well it looks like a statue but a door opens in the plinth and a certain notorious twosome emerge.

Goldie cheerfully and loudly.

"Hellooo darlings I understand you're recruiting?"

Director Gosh was that Kree Blood whirls around and spills his coffee as his first reaction on seeing our beloved Goullawk and Dachshund characters is to draw a gun.

"You were banned from ALL SHIELD Faculties!"

"We're willing to apologize for putting a smiley face on your boss' eyepatches!"

meekly declaimed the canine member of this duo.

"So are you recruiting!? We do filing and martial arts soo!"

Director Connect the Kree equations is about to snarl at them when he notices whats going despite downstairs despite Clonig standing in front of the screens.

"We also do therapy!" states Goldie!

"Thats it! I give up! I'm going to the real Tahiti!"

Just then Fitz wanders in from the lab and unlike everyone else in the room is not being hysterical.

"Oh helloo girls!"

He walks towards the plinth of the statue.

"Just where do you think you're going?" asks Director forced to travel coach.

"The girls are taking me to visit a special Doctor!"

Cut to final scene Director Over stressed is quietly sobbing.

He wanted to go visit the man in the Blue Box too!

More silliness sooner or later!

Argh grr must get back to fixing chapter 3 of REAL serious novel!

A Taste of Temporal Pests

A Taste of Temporal Pests.

Temporal Pests invites you to check out older posts while  I am editing and finishing another project. !

Expect more bumping!

Temporal Pe(s)ts are ...

Temporal Pests is a shamelessly self indulgent piece of fan fic ... well we better hope its fan fic. Fictional characters don't really have adventures between the frames and pages ... do they ... reality doesn't really edit alter and reset ... there is no such thing as sentient dachshunds or dragonoids ... really?

Locks and Loops

A small red being was plummeting through the time vortex or the multiverse or the source wall or the borders of time and space. Whatever. It hurt. Her fur was starting smoulder. She was starting to forget where or when she was going.

That was when she landed.

A corridor. She was in a corridor leading to ... herself.

She could see herself and Goldie in a holding cell.

Aaaargh was this a temporal loop or lock.

What if she's done this before?  Several times before?

That note with the list  had changed a couple of times!

Would it alter again?

To be continued until Sassy and Goldilock break the temporal loop or paypal donations arrive. Yes that means next week back to chapter one again!

Bwabahahah evil laughter etc ......

Small Monsters

The girls have been busy.

SMALL MONSTERS

Somewhere in the Middle East a small sonic screwdriver held by some one using a muzzle or snout as much a mouth as a “hand” with four digits was loosing parts of a missile launching device while another small being was quietly using a pencil held in an fanged opening that was more definitely a mouth to use a keyboard and erase or reset targetting software and programs. Two small monsters were doing their part for peace in a region beset by larger monsters.

A commanding voice interrupted their activities.

“DROP THAT!

Two pairs of eyes turned towards the voice. One pair was onyx gold brown surrounded by golden red fur and the other opalescent purple surrounded by delicate barely visible small scales.

“I don't know what kind of ifrit or djin either of you are but I can see you!”

“Oh a human who can see us!” remarked the purple eyed dragonoid.

The young man held out an amulet with symbols inscribed on it that predated the Sumerians.

“Sorry sweetie that doesn't work on us!” remarked the onyx eyed one.

“B u u u t...”

“Cos we're not ifrits or djinni” chimed the other.

The young human uttered words he'd been taught in a language that was younger than the symbols on the amulet and sounded like some kind of Arabic but was older than even Quranic Arabic.

Some one else appeared.

"You called me to protect me oh young and most fortunate of … urk eek argh NOT them!” spluttered a being wearing an outfit that belonged on a Bedu shepherd wearing his best festival outfit.

The young man looked at the two small monsters or whatever they were and at his family's djinn.

“Obey! Protect this infidel kaffir smiting weapon!” he snarled.

The djinn hestitated and asked …

“Must I?”

“Yes must he?” asked the furry one,” cos I thought the problem you had around here was a bit too much faith not a lack?”

“What she said!” stated the djinn who'd been peacefully resting in a cave near Petra reading through a basket of books and scrolls that contained the secret diaries of a Idumean Princess, her copy of Sappho's poetry, the real Gospel of Barnabas, and a copy of Queen Cleopatra's recipe book for perfumes, poisons, and potions for treating childhood diseases.

The djinn had been half away through a juicy passage of gossip about a certain emperor and was eager to get back to it.

“Oh this is the be careful how I say my commands thing isn't it? Oh mighty spirit bound to serve my family for a thousand years and ten thousand wishes which ever comes first remove these two beings to some place faraway where they may smite enemies of my people!”

The two small monsters and the djinn disappeared.

A short while later faraway at a tank depot the girls resumed their creative alterations.

“All those bound djinn being invoked when people see us makes getting into military bases and past security systems so much easier! So do you want to jam the tank treads or do we cut the fuel lines this time? Or how about we snafu the computer inside this tank first so we're working inside unseen in case they have any Golem?”

Far above the shadows of dark wings and worse things greater monsters watched their work of chaos unfold across the region as two small monsters did their best to reduce some of the violence.

Okay  this probably didn't happen in our universe ... probably ... but ...

Next stop a pit stop

We last saw one of our heroines arranging for messages to be delivered.

The other?

Out from a steaming pit flumped an infuriated Goullawk who was also steaming.

Literally with purple fumes coming out of her nostrils.

She inhaled and shrieked.

"NYARGLE NYARGH ARGH"

Unfortunately for our villians no one saw her rise from the pit.

Otherwise Stratagem 36 would have been operative.

The Goullawk is in a dangerous to others VERY MAD BAD mood.

Multiverse Beware!

To be continued at the usual erratic rate. Sooner or later.