I'm not sure if my phone app uploaded the update about my broken arm.
People due to a fracture of the right radius bone near my elbow and conseuqnet muscle stiffness spasms aches pains and twinges etc I've only been able to resume typing with more than one finger this week!
Clearly a plot by the forces of evil to hinder Sassy and Goldie!?
Saturday, 17 May 2014
A Memo from a Certain Director
As regular readers ( do we have any?) have noticed my co-writers Sassy and Goldie distract easily and instead of informing me what happened next in strict and correct linear temporal sequence go off in tangents or bring me memos like this which appears to have come from the office of someone just promoted to Director of a certain organisation this week
Director C&*$&n to All STAFF and OFFICES)
To be distributed by email and print
RE: Salvage ops
It has come to my attention that certain individuals are selling fragments of various facilities and equipment on ebay. This will cease immediately!
Someone tried to sell LOLA! I know she needs repairs but we are not selling LOLA to raise funds for rebuilding.
I know it seemed like a good idea but someone using the ebay ID of HULKBUSTER showed up with several trucks and tried to enter restricted areas claiming they had bid successfully for salvage rights!
No more ebay auctions!
Graffiti.
NO further action will be taken if the person who sprayed Buddy Lives and Phil's Family Fun Therapy UNIT on the outside of my AIRBUS removes it. Promptly. You have 24 hours. The same applies to the person or people who thought it was funny to spray WHY HULK SEE RED YET TURN GREEN? in the corridor outside Dr Banner's lab. Likewise the individual who sprayed VOTE ONE STARK for BIGGER BETTER SHINY TOYS!
This is not a democracy or dictatorship.
Staff performance reviews.
A lot of you need to come up with something better than
"Hey I just yelled Hail Hydra because everyone else was doing it!"
Who put a chocolate labrador retriever inside Agent Ward's debriefing room?
He is now sobbing hysterically and babbling intel about Hydra between bouts of gambolling around the room playing with the dog. If anyone thinks they're helping him do an insanity plea ... this will not work!
I have no record of any agents using the IDs Sassy or Goldie!
Sincerely Intent on rebuilding our organisation
P.S. The next person who claims they saw a purple dragonoid on a skateboard and a talking dachshund will report for immediate psych evaluation!
Director C&*$&n to All STAFF and OFFICES)
To be distributed by email and print
RE: Salvage ops
It has come to my attention that certain individuals are selling fragments of various facilities and equipment on ebay. This will cease immediately!
Someone tried to sell LOLA! I know she needs repairs but we are not selling LOLA to raise funds for rebuilding.
I know it seemed like a good idea but someone using the ebay ID of HULKBUSTER showed up with several trucks and tried to enter restricted areas claiming they had bid successfully for salvage rights!
No more ebay auctions!
Graffiti.
NO further action will be taken if the person who sprayed Buddy Lives and Phil's Family Fun Therapy UNIT on the outside of my AIRBUS removes it. Promptly. You have 24 hours. The same applies to the person or people who thought it was funny to spray WHY HULK SEE RED YET TURN GREEN? in the corridor outside Dr Banner's lab. Likewise the individual who sprayed VOTE ONE STARK for BIGGER BETTER SHINY TOYS!
This is not a democracy or dictatorship.
Staff performance reviews.
A lot of you need to come up with something better than
"Hey I just yelled Hail Hydra because everyone else was doing it!"
Who put a chocolate labrador retriever inside Agent Ward's debriefing room?
He is now sobbing hysterically and babbling intel about Hydra between bouts of gambolling around the room playing with the dog. If anyone thinks they're helping him do an insanity plea ... this will not work!
I have no record of any agents using the IDs Sassy or Goldie!
Sincerely Intent on rebuilding our organisation
P.S. The next person who claims they saw a purple dragonoid on a skateboard and a talking dachshund will report for immediate psych evaluation!
Friday, 16 May 2014
Consequences and Convergences or Return of the Queen and other stuff
Meanwhile back in the "real" world events were almost as odd as those occurring at the Node.
Wakandan State Media was announcing an takeover bid for Fox News to the glee of a certain President.
In Tokyo a Shinto shrine was being raised to Godzilla who had just saved Tokyo AGAIN and was being offered the entire days contents of Tsukuji fish market as the first offering.
Ron and Jack were leading a convoy of British heroes to Stonehenge to help at the Node battle.
In Canberra Australia a talking Koala in clothes and a creature that looked at a pudding with legs wearing an old style ceramic kitchen bowl were trying to explain to a Prime Minister and his Treasurer the economy was not a Magic Pudding.
Elsewhere a small hound was being whirled through time and space in search on herself !
And that ominously bubbling pit where we left Goldie?
Someone has just crawled out of it and she's in a really BAD mood!
You thought Godzilla's roar in the latest movie version was impressive.
This isn't a podcast! You'll just have to imagine how it sounds!
NYARGAHARGLRAHAHAHAAAARKARGH!
Yipe definitely a bad mood!
Wakandan State Media was announcing an takeover bid for Fox News to the glee of a certain President.
In Tokyo a Shinto shrine was being raised to Godzilla who had just saved Tokyo AGAIN and was being offered the entire days contents of Tsukuji fish market as the first offering.
Ron and Jack were leading a convoy of British heroes to Stonehenge to help at the Node battle.
In Canberra Australia a talking Koala in clothes and a creature that looked at a pudding with legs wearing an old style ceramic kitchen bowl were trying to explain to a Prime Minister and his Treasurer the economy was not a Magic Pudding.
Elsewhere a small hound was being whirled through time and space in search on herself !
And that ominously bubbling pit where we left Goldie?
Someone has just crawled out of it and she's in a really BAD mood!
You thought Godzilla's roar in the latest movie version was impressive.
This isn't a podcast! You'll just have to imagine how it sounds!
NYARGAHARGLRAHAHAHAAAARKARGH!
Yipe definitely a bad mood!
Saturday, 12 April 2014
Time is Loopy Two
Inside the now crowded control room people were franticly working on two projects, adjusting a Vortex Manipulator to be worn by a small hound and trying to create a multi-dimensional mailing list. People were of course arguing over who to invite or plea for help and whether to make a special harness or just duct tape the device to Sassy. Closer to the door Wolowiz was creating barricades of transuranic metals, synthetic diamond walls, and nanoclouds that could eat armor, and anything that might slow down the inevitable collapse of even a door made of unobtanium which was being to crack.
Meanwhile on this world your Scribe is struggling with a broken arm. How typing with one finger of the other arm can cause twinges in the damaged arm is an annoying mystery.
The door shuddered and shook into a million tiny pieces as the send message command was entered and a dachshund disappeared as Fluvia triggered the Manipulator with one hand while drawing one of her guns with the other.
She had probably just started or closed a temporal loop.
To be continued next week after I find out what physio I need for my right arm.
Hey I type with my left but the twinges and aches are kinda very distracting?
Meanwhile on this world your Scribe is struggling with a broken arm. How typing with one finger of the other arm can cause twinges in the damaged arm is an annoying mystery.
The door shuddered and shook into a million tiny pieces as the send message command was entered and a dachshund disappeared as Fluvia triggered the Manipulator with one hand while drawing one of her guns with the other.
She had probably just started or closed a temporal loop.
To be continued next week after I find out what physio I need for my right arm.
Hey I type with my left but the twinges and aches are kinda very distracting?
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Time is Loopy
My right arm is broken so a cut and paste job !
Time is Loopy ! Part One
in which the Scribe attempts to start sorting out the plot line disruptions caused by all those reality resets cosmic convergences and temporal loops etc
Previously on Temporal Pests ...
Future Sassy appeared twice to past and present Sassy
and that list mysteriously altered too ...
First Appearance ...
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot,and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them.
Appearance Two
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with Sassy, and Goldie blurted out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn yourself and oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly dissolving.
Appearance Three
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exsperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
Now a problem the girls havnt solved yet ...
Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearly had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.
Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.
Time is Loopy ! Part One
in which the Scribe attempts to start sorting out the plot line disruptions caused by all those reality resets cosmic convergences and temporal loops etc
Previously on Temporal Pests ...
Future Sassy appeared twice to past and present Sassy
and that list mysteriously altered too ...
First Appearance ...
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot,and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them.
Appearance Two
The parking area at the node was curiously empty expect for one small figure, a cylindrically orientated canid with short legs and red scorched fur on one side that had been burnt very recently.
"Oh dear that's me again!" yelped Sassy.
"Look here I told you NOT to come back for three days well two and a bit or is that one and a half now?
Honestly if you cant trust meself who can you?" retorted herself.
Reg made a strange wheezing noise suspicously like suppressed laughter.
JonaHexed studiously avoided eye contact with Sassy, and Goldie blurted out in a huff,
"Well I say, surely you can trust me ... most of the time ... if I'm not near temptation and bling ... and then there was that time I went shopping with Selina ... but of course you can trust me!"
"I have to go get some rest before the climactic scene or resolution or whatever happens next," sighed future Sassy,"Don't forget to come back and warn yourself and oh temporal loop timeline tip! Grab a Vortex manipulator if you have a chance to!"
She faded out like a Chesire Cat with one limb at a time disconcertingly slowly dissolving.
Appearance Three
Sassy and Goldie were trotting across through a section of the Node called the Gallifrey Memorial Garden when Sassy's future self appeared again.
"You're going the wrong way!" she snarled.
Sassy instinctively if impolitely barked back and Goldie coiled backwards and hissed.
The future self whined in exsperation sat down and used one back paw to pull out a note tucked in her collar.
"I got someone to write me a note. Here's a checklist of things I've done since I know how short some people's attention spans are!"
"Yes Sassy when chocolate's nearby your ..." interrupted Goldie.
"I was being VERY polite when I used an indefinite pronoun instead the word two!" grumbled future self Sassy, pointing her muzzle at a certain Goullawk.
Now a problem the girls havnt solved yet ...
Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearly had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.
Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.
Saturday, 29 March 2014
An Introduction to some of our Characters in Temporal Pests
#Temporal Pests are mostly a satire or parody or #fantasy or whatever you want to call it of all those cosmic crisises and convergences and crossovers. You'll encounter some familiar characters from a variety of genres.
Sassy a sentient dachshund from Teckelstein who with Goldie first appeared in a fanfic satire about a scifi program popular at the time and now defunct.
Goldie the Goullawk Queen. Like her friend Sassy she's escaped from fanfic and rampages across realities. I told you I'm just the scribe.
JonaHexed. Now who could he be? He sometimes has adventures with the girls because so long as he has a few readers he will not fade into oblivion. Fortunately he was written to be lucky!
Fluvia Canta. I guess not enough fans of a certain show know Latin. A gun slinging archaeologist with some interesting boyfriends and a spouse who's out of this world. Then again her boyfriends are her spouse. She likes to go shopping with the girls and other fun activities like escaping prisons and shooting people who really do serve to be shoot.
Reg London's only Dallawk taxi cab driver and yes it is a traditional black cab with a few extras under the bonnet. Yes Reg does resemble a certain type of mutant cyborg he has a heart of gold and a spouse who wears silver and steel.
HerInside likes to garden and cook and wears a frilly pinafore or apron to make it quite clear despite her outer form she's a lady inside.
The Wizards of London. That guy form Chicago said he was too busy.
However other people from London apart from a certain cynical chain smoker have magical powers including Young Robert apprentice to Dr A.
Yes Young Robert and Dr A do work in an occult clean up service.
The Technical Support crew from Pasadena. I have to explain this one?
Ron and Jack
Scholarly saints aiding our girls behind the scenes.
One was once a Catholic the other once a Protestant and both were famous writers.
Various dragons. One of these days some one is figuring to figure out who Mr BlackandSilver is however perhaps thankfully not everyone knows Sindarin or thought about the name of a certain character in a certain series.
Finally Teckelstein. Basically a large chunk of land including a lake islands surrounding mountains once allegedly part of Central Europe and now a planetoid with fusion ramjet and other drives plus dimension jumping devices and much more and a population of dachshunds and characters either taking a vacation or recovering from what their writers do to them in between issues episodes and novels.
Come and join us at Temporal Pests. The plot and the narrative are a bit of muddle but thats probably due to the temporal backlash from the girls reality altering adventures.
Sassy a sentient dachshund from Teckelstein who with Goldie first appeared in a fanfic satire about a scifi program popular at the time and now defunct.
Goldie the Goullawk Queen. Like her friend Sassy she's escaped from fanfic and rampages across realities. I told you I'm just the scribe.
JonaHexed. Now who could he be? He sometimes has adventures with the girls because so long as he has a few readers he will not fade into oblivion. Fortunately he was written to be lucky!
Fluvia Canta. I guess not enough fans of a certain show know Latin. A gun slinging archaeologist with some interesting boyfriends and a spouse who's out of this world. Then again her boyfriends are her spouse. She likes to go shopping with the girls and other fun activities like escaping prisons and shooting people who really do serve to be shoot.
Reg London's only Dallawk taxi cab driver and yes it is a traditional black cab with a few extras under the bonnet. Yes Reg does resemble a certain type of mutant cyborg he has a heart of gold and a spouse who wears silver and steel.
HerInside likes to garden and cook and wears a frilly pinafore or apron to make it quite clear despite her outer form she's a lady inside.
The Wizards of London. That guy form Chicago said he was too busy.
However other people from London apart from a certain cynical chain smoker have magical powers including Young Robert apprentice to Dr A.
Yes Young Robert and Dr A do work in an occult clean up service.
The Technical Support crew from Pasadena. I have to explain this one?
Ron and Jack
Scholarly saints aiding our girls behind the scenes.
One was once a Catholic the other once a Protestant and both were famous writers.
Various dragons. One of these days some one is figuring to figure out who Mr BlackandSilver is however perhaps thankfully not everyone knows Sindarin or thought about the name of a certain character in a certain series.
Finally Teckelstein. Basically a large chunk of land including a lake islands surrounding mountains once allegedly part of Central Europe and now a planetoid with fusion ramjet and other drives plus dimension jumping devices and much more and a population of dachshunds and characters either taking a vacation or recovering from what their writers do to them in between issues episodes and novels.
Come and join us at Temporal Pests. The plot and the narrative are a bit of muddle but thats probably due to the temporal backlash from the girls reality altering adventures.
Saturday, 22 March 2014
Cosmic messaging
Cosmic Messaging
Yes readers despite the lack of interest our #satire # parody #explanation of #cosmic #crossover #crisies continues. Of course its fictional and yet given this years plot developments at a certain company ... well lets just say two or three of our characters are smirking and I'm worried since I know the ending even if you don't!
In the bunker behind a door now reinforced with unobtanium and similar metals courtesy of Wolowiz the Texan Praying Mantis and others were using every terminal to type up mailing lists for everyone they could think of who either had net access or the local equivalent or could send on messages to others.
In a cave under a plateau near a certain Eastern Seaboard city on a bay a faithful retainer had his Second Life session disrupted by an incoming message.
On the screen of several timeships across the multiverse pleas for help and co-ordinates flashed.
Most importantly of all the inbox yapped on A.F. von Teckelstein's desk and a printer churned out a page of information.
One steaming mad queen a couple of hundred enraged Teckelsteiners who had nearly been erased from existence and quite a few other people now known who was responsible and where to go and now to get there.
Or try to get there.
The gates still needed to be opened.
Yes readers despite the lack of interest our #satire # parody #explanation of #cosmic #crossover #crisies continues. Of course its fictional and yet given this years plot developments at a certain company ... well lets just say two or three of our characters are smirking and I'm worried since I know the ending even if you don't!
In the bunker behind a door now reinforced with unobtanium and similar metals courtesy of Wolowiz the Texan Praying Mantis and others were using every terminal to type up mailing lists for everyone they could think of who either had net access or the local equivalent or could send on messages to others.
In a cave under a plateau near a certain Eastern Seaboard city on a bay a faithful retainer had his Second Life session disrupted by an incoming message.
On the screen of several timeships across the multiverse pleas for help and co-ordinates flashed.
Most importantly of all the inbox yapped on A.F. von Teckelstein's desk and a printer churned out a page of information.
One steaming mad queen a couple of hundred enraged Teckelsteiners who had nearly been erased from existence and quite a few other people now known who was responsible and where to go and now to get there.
Or try to get there.
The gates still needed to be opened.
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