In the Oval office or somewhere near by.

"Well?"

"Definitely a crisis!
We have ten alien battle invasion fleets in orbit fortunately all currently fighting each other!
Ryleh has risen up out of the Pacific Ocean.
Godzilla is break dancing in Tokyo.
An island full of mutated people with unusual abilities has appeared off San Francisco.
The Deep Ones took a bus from Boston to Washington and are outside demanding Marine Hybrid rights lead by some one called Ramona.
K.A.O.S. now has an office in New York."

"and?"

The SHIELD helicarrier is now hovering near the Statue of Liberty.
Homeland Security and the CIA are having a collective hissy fit over that Sir."

"Afraid they'll lose funding?"

"Some possible good news Sir!
Drs.Richards, Pym, McCoy, Strange, Samson, Nemesis, and Savage, along with Larsen, are getting ready for a Skype conference with you."

"and the rest of the world?"

"Satellite photos show various islands phasing in and out off the East Coast, in the Black Sea, and the Caribbean, and the Scillies are bobbing up and down like a yoyo. The Brits and U.N.I.T are trying to find what's left of some specops group called Torch something and where Winston left the special phone that can call an freelancer specialist called the Doc and several mysterious previously  Lost cities have appeared in Tibet, Africa, and South America. Shoggoth have been spotted attacking the Japanese Whaling fleet and that town where they do things to dolphins and the HQs of various dolphin capture organizations.

Finally sir we found the Chocolate Phone."

"The one that rings Teckelstein?"

"That's not good news Sir. We tested it and all we're getting is out of order and this number is no longer available messages."

"Okay the Vaults at AREA 51? and do we have Vampire Agents now?"

They've escaped or gone on strike sir!"

"Do we have a head count of superheros yet?"

"They're all attacking the offices and studios of their creators Sir and we now have giant wolves and elves on the streets of  L.A. San Francisco and Poughkeepsie and Gargoyles in New York and there's more bad news Sir."

"Really?"

"Republican party representatives are driving towards Storybrooke Maine hoping to recruit that Mills woman."

"Where did my wife hide the cigarettes this time!"

Next time more dachshund and goullawk action !

It was very difficult to impress a Goullawk queen and a dachshund who routinely flit about throughout time and space but a conversation with an avatar of a Boddhisattva riding a dragon will do it.

"Gosh I'm sorta Catholic" muttered Sassy, "I was expecting the Angel in charge of Dachshunds or Saint Francis or maybe Saints Jack and Ron?"

(Scribal note if you cant figure it from the next line consider what the nicknames were of two leading mid twentieth century academics who were also writers.)

"Jack and Ron are busy having a talk with that producer in New Zealand.
Now Ladies you two are straying off the WAY ..."

"But we're following the list!" interrupted Goldie.

"Yes girls but are you thinking about why certain people and items are on the list?" retorted Tara firmly yet gently. "For example you already have Lady Zen Shipper so why will you be using a Vortex Manipulator? Have you thought about why certain people are not on that list? what that means? Please go somewhere quiet for a while and think about it?

Tara departed leaving behind a lingering aroma of blossom and a layer of petals all over the courtyard to the initial annoyment of the groundskeeper until a few months later he noticed the compost he added the swept up blossoms to was unusually effective.

Fluvia who had been extremely quiet for her while Tara had been speaking lead them off to a teashop for scones with jam and cream and a large pot of Ti Kuan Yin tea to ingest while they reconsidered their list.

Next time its an Oval Office

An Irrresponsible Interlude

An Irresponsible Interlude

We interrupt your scheduled reading with an out of sequence snippet due to the girls' limited grasp of linear time responsibility and copyright.

Somewhere vaguely beyond.

"Plock! plock! plock!"

"Here Pickwickie Marshmallows!"

"Plock? Plockplockplock?!" in a happy way.

"Come on Pickie time to go home! Just follow the trail of marshmallows! That's a good small blue reconstructed dodo!
Home Pickie! Remember Thursday! and the day after that?"

"Plock! Plock! Plock!" Excitedly.

"and you remember the day after Monday?"

"PLOCK!Plock!plock!" Running off panicking.

"Well now you've gone and frightened her!"

The girls and I have been reading jasper (is the extra f for funny?)forde.

'nuff said.

Oh there will be more dodos. Later.

A visit from Tara

SCRIBAL NOTE this post belongs BEFORE Back in the Homeland

I had to repost it since it got accidentally deleted)

A visit from Tara

The Boddhisattva of Compassion manifests in many ways.

In recent centuries she's allegedly taken taken to manifesting as a young Asian woman and prefering avatars with far shorter names than her or his oldest Sanskrit title or job description, looking down with compassion on humans and lesser beings ready and willing to help them. Read Blofeld.


Sassy had picked up Goldie from Dragonmont and aboard Lady Zen Shipper they and Fluvia were discussing how to get hold of a Vortex Manipulator.
Fluvia's would not work for a Teckelsteiner unless she was carrying Sassy and future self Sassy clearlyy had been travelling on her own and the list she had given them clearly said get your own Vortex manipulator.

Unfortunately that required uptime travel which apparently had stopped working shortly after they fetched Fluvia since an attempt to visit the century in her universe in which time travel was discovered had lead only to Lady Zen Shipper repeatedly materializing on a rocky desert island with a large sign saying ALL UP TIME TRAVEL BANNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE ..... we'll spare you the bureaucratese.

"Darlings a thought!" declared Fluvia with a wickedly intelligent gleam on her eye, "ever heard of the Cardiff Rift?"

Shortly thereafter the waterfront of Cardiff acquired a new statue which no one noticed since they all thought it was a prop for some BBC Wales TV program and it was so late at night it was literally the first hour of morning and although its not always raining in Wales in the version of Wales that produced Sportinas it certainly was this morning in Cardiff!

A small procession of PARASOL wielding femme fatales made their way over the stones to a closed tourist information booth. (WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO DRAW THIS?)  Fluvia picked up the lock and overrode the security system easily since some one with admin level user privileges had created passwords that required knowledge of Linear A Cretan, a 31st century TransGalactic Creole, and the names of ten US presidents who hadnt even been voted into office yet.

The girls proceded downwards to a large central where a forlorn pet pterodactyl was roosting up near the ceiling crooning for scraps.
There was however no one human present though there was a signed note for someo one with a Welsh name stating that the person on duty had been called away on a urgent case and promised to make up for it doing something perversely affectionate later.

"But if he's not here neither is his Vortex Manipulator!" snapped Fluvia.

"So where can we get another one in this century?" asked Sassy

Fluvia glanced to the monitors several of which were displaying updates of the Converging worlds situation.

"Mmm this sortof event generally drives time travellers way however ..."

Fluvia had a very promising glint in her eye.

"... does anyone really believe NOT one single one of those  time lordlings had the sense to escape Galli ..."

Goldie interrupted with a pertinent and actually relevant observation

"ah Fluvia dear ... " one of those monitors is showing ebay and and and "

The three of them looked at the monitors and squealed gleefully in unison.

Unfortunately it was another trap as the person claiming to be a Cambridge professor who owned an certain anachronistic device wasnt.

A hour or so later the girls reached the rooms of a semi retired academic only to find the door locking firmly tight behind them as they confronted DARK CAPER again and still riding poor JonaHexed.

The room filled with evil laughter that was really atonal and unmusical.

"Fools you left yr friend behind and now he is MINE! not that anyone else wanted him even for fanfic but hahaha me ponting that out made him more vulnerable to possession HAHAHA BWANANANAHAHAHA! Oh and I actually do have a Vortex manipulator.

Dark Caper whirled it around in front of them teasingly making poor Jonahexed smirk.

"Well excuse me darling but there's 3 of us and one of you and we could just take it?" pointed out fluvia reaching out with one arm and drawing her pistol with her other hand."

Sassy jumped up and diverted Fluvia's hand away from Dark Caper.

"NO Fluvia if you touch him he'll jump hosts to you!"

"Does dear JonaHexed have a thick skull?" crooned Fluvia picking up one of the many books lying around the rooms. It was a hardback entitled Shada.

A few minutes later Jonahexed was slowly coming to what passed for normal for him and  Dark Caper thanks to the judicious application of fire tongs and a poker, along with a thrown copy of Shada, and several volumes of the Encyclopaedia Galactica, was lying on the carpet trapped under a hearth rug.

"Well we've got our dear Jonahexed back and a Vortex manipulator?

What's next on the list?" asked Goldie as they reached the outer courtyard where Lady Zen Shipper was parked.

"Hey is anyone else feeling cold all of a sudden and the light's going. Where did this big shadow come from?" remarked the Goullawk.

They looked up at a very large and unfriendly dragon who normally resided on an unique inselberg in a northern land of another fictional realm.

"They're going to pay me in gold for your bodies ladies!" he hissed, "Pray for mercy and maybe you're be delivered as a slightly charred still alive body?"

"Okay thank you we will pray!" replied Sassy.

"Holy Virgin and Spirit and Nagas and Nhats and Saint Francis who loves small animals .." begun Sassy.

"Lost and forgotten gods, new and old,  and darling Doctor or anybody, saints and boddhisattvas,!" added fluvia.

"Dragon riding Tara Descend!" Screamed Goldie!

And she did.


A dragon with scales all othe colors of the rainbow and other colors as well suddnely appeared hovering between them. Standing on its back balancing without reins or harness was a young girl wearing a combination of riding leathers and a large silk wrap that seemed to be changing shape form head scarf to veil to cape and back.

Golden lotus petals rained down on them. The odor of spice and perfume wafted thru the air and a quartet of student musicians suddnely begun playing music in a room facing the courtyard.

The visitor from an isolated mountain gulped down a mouthful of the lotus petals bowed his head respectfully and disappeared.

"TARA!"

To be continued!

And finally a word from yours truly the humble scribe  ...

if some of you are wondering why there's such a long gap between such short instalments well the girls have a limited grasp of the concept oF linear time ... they tell to tell me bits and pieces and  patches and shreds of tales about their adventure and OUT OF SEQUENCE!

next time and hopefully sooner what's happening in Teckelstein!

Back in the Homeland

Back in the Homeland

Back on sassy's homeland of Teckelstein which A.F. First Minister for just about everything liked to refer to as the Uberheimat (Yes that was a philology joke) and others as that confounded floating giant dog kennel a meeting was being held of desperate beings huddled around a fireplace.

A.F. was convening it and a list of what still worked and what didnt was being revised.

"Confluence Drive?"

"Flickering in and out of an interphasic state."

"Planoforming Engines?"

"Barely maintaining the atmospheric shield."

"Battery power?"

"All Batteries running at 30% and falling."

"Antimatter reactor?"

"We have one of those?"

"Lieber Gott Someone go down to cavern 366 and try a Cold restart!"

"Wormhole generators boomtubes and jumpgates?"

"They open and but don't lead anywhere but the Wood between the Worlds."

"Timeships?"

"None of them were in dock when we got cut off but there's one in maintenance disassembled and lacking a power source or crystals."

"Well gentlebeings there is one option left but it requires sacrifice ..."

"Not the Stone of Darkened Destiny?"

"I barely have a soul! I'm not sacrificing it!"

"You're not innocent enough!" retorted another.

"Gentlebeings! gentlebeings! Order Please!"

"No not the Stone of Darkened Destiny! That's safely locked up until we can jettison it into a blackhole or an epic story line that's so sadistic to its characters that it's the only possible plot resolution!"

(Scribal Note mmm well  I can think of several "Interminable Epics")

"Does anyone know where we can find a Cinatmani?" asked another.

"No gentle beings let's try the power of prayer!"

"Whch deity do we petition?"

"All of them?"

Someone got down on their knees and started praying
"Oh mighty all praiseworthy Demented Continuum Editors we beg thee ... "

"Oh sainted Kirby...." "Great bird of the Galaxy ..."


"Q!Q!Q!"

A.F. barked authoritatively.

"Gentlebeings we have not yet faded out of existence completely so we must have some readers left so let us pray together!

"oh mighty congeries of fannish readers and whosoever loveth dachshunds and complicated continaul pop culture cross genre references and whoseever has a sense of humor and can appreciate parody and satire and metatext and intertext cry out to all the powers and persons that have been are in being and will become moved by the power that by sweet Charity and Agape that moves the sun and stars shout out these words.

I BELIEVE IN TECKELSTEIN!

Shout it out threefold tenfold a hundred fold!

TECKELSTEIN IS REAL

MAKE IT SO!"

There was a silence so terrible and ominous that it literally darkened the skies or the batteries droppped further.

Then all the remaining electrical lights and chemical devices such as wax candles and oil lamps flickered at all and flared up just  a little.

"Battery power jumped to 34%!"

"Progress is Slow" sighed A.F.

Help fuel up Teckelstein!

Recite the magic words

I BELIEVE IN TECKELSTEIN
TECKELSTEIN IS REAL
MAKE IT SO!

and share this url with friends.

Next time back in the UK .
MAKE IT SO!

More Doctors

More Doctors

Univeres are coalescing and turning into strange vast congeries.

Most of the people who are supposedly to be responsible for stopping this sort of thing are captive at the Node.

So who do you turn to?

On a remote planet on a semitropical island of the sort that really has fruit trees and nit just coconut palms someone had a hammock strung between two trees safely above the high tide line and was sipping a fruity kind of drink while nearby a blue object was catching the sun.

The blue object suddenly started humming like a beeswarm about to attackthen a small object came hurtling out of the skies and hovered between the blue object and the sunbather.

"Hello a message box!" exclaimed the sunbather, "For me!"

The box opened and shrieked on sonic and psionic frequencies.

"ANSWER YOUR PHONE AND CHECK YOUR VOICE MAIL NOW!"

"Bother ... ah well rarely a dull moment hey old girl!?" observed the sunbather while sauntering over and into the blue object.

"What's this I have 3000 messages?"

"Doctor Universes are colliding again! I have Albert Campion and Lord Peter Wimsey in my office and Biggles and most of John Buchan's characters and Lord Greystoke and ..."

"and Winnie's office isn't that large.." mused the person with several hundred doctorates. "hello here's one from ...when did or will I give my phone number to a Henry McCoy, a Dr. Nemesis, and a Dr. Richards?

Also I have messages from a Dr. Savage, the U.N., and oh no! FLUVIA!"

"Hello Sweetie Don't pick me up tonight and maybe tomorrow night too! I'm having a girls' night with guess who? We're shopping for a Vortex Manipulator! "

"Girls? Girls!" shrieked yet another doctor, "which girls?

No NO ... couldn't be... not those girls?"

Across the universe other doctors were panicking!

to be continued sooner or later sooner if I start getting more followers or my late winter pollen allergy attack clears up soonest!?

Duckponds and Doctors

Duck Ponds and Doctors

While Goldie was motivating her fellow dragonoids Lady Zen Shipper was landing with a loud splash in a duck pond, of the sort that could been found in any neglected English Mid counties village lacking tourist attractions and bypassed by the new roadway or possibly somewhere completely different as there was smoke coming up from a working forge and from a nearby school people were chanting the letters of the ABC and it wasn't the Roman one.

Sassy exited Lady Zen shipper and trotted across the boarding ramp watched by some very irate geese and ducks complaining because they had just lost half the water in their pond and a few startled villagers who were much less noisier. One of the more sensible villagers was running up to the local castle. Sassy headed for the village school as her sensible canid hearing had recognized the distinctive tones of a certain voice.

"Very good class! Now we'll move on to revising Signs of Demonic Possession and Basic Gnomish. Don't forget after lunch a trip uphill to watch the testing of the latest defense automaton!"

"Can they do that without you? We need you elsewhere!" asked Sassy.

The teacher dressed with surprising elegance and refinement for a small village in black silk robes with silver jewellery looked at Sassy glanced  out the window at Lady Zen Shipper currently posing as a statue amidst the pond and then leapt out thru the open window changing mid leap into a black and silver dragon taking flight towards the castle. Sassy trotted after him.

Meanwhile back in HerInside's parlor Dr. A was watching the TV with increasing dismay as update after update confirmed his fears. Case Red Sky Falling was causing alternate realities and functionalites to fuse.
Also Young Robert had rung and announced since the situation was a Case Red Sky Falling and NOt Bad Lovecraftian Emerald Dream he and his wife were going to "do something safe and normal, the washing, a picnic, a sleep-in whatever, or maybe something sensible like catch a train to Edinburgh and have a talk with our author..."

On the TV screen an announcer was introducing a face Young Robert might have recognised but not Dr. A.

"" and live from Pasadena to explain the physics behnd universes merging is Dr Leon Ho..."
"Hey before we start I'ld like to ask if anyone has seen this missing person seen walking off with a group of people wearing black shouting out "Me join the Masters of the universe and NOT Wil Wheaton! Thank you hypothetical Deity!"

Yes gentle readers a certain person with a doctorate from Texas has escaped the Village and is wearing black.

At the Castle gates Sassy was barking for attention.

"MrBlackandSilver I know you're in there! Please come out we need you.
I need you. You're on my list. Not the list of potential dates for Goldie."

"Go away. No one's home. They just left on a quest!"

"What quest?" demanded Sassy.

"A quest to successfully visit the capital city and do some shopping  without getting involved in royal politicking or offending any priests or discovering any demonic manifestations or whatever!"

"Ask the resident witch what Red Sky Falling means," replied Sassy.

There was a brief silence then the gates opened and a reluctant trio came out, the shapeshifting dragon, a witch, and a man wearing reading glasses and a sword along with a tool bag on the  war belt.

"Does our author know you're here ... AGAIN?!" queried one of them.

"NO and I don't think she'll find out. Dr. January is not on my list." replied Sassy," Oh come on don't dawdle. You're between books or after a series anyway and we have to save the multiverse really soon!"

Meanwhile back in New York certain editors' worse nightmares had occurred. They had been cornered in their offices by a famous feline felon and a fearless female investigative reporter who wanted something done about their relationships.

"He finally told me he loved me and you B@#$%^&* reset the Demented Continuum," shrieked one while waving a whip, "and then you catered to the fanboys with that roof top scene. A third female standing outside the door threw a knife to the reporter who called out "Thanks!" and then pointed the knife at the petite brunette standing in the corridor next to two very tall striking redheads and begun ranting,
"You let them get married and me you keep waiting for DECADES and then finally I get my gorgeous combo of sincere loving smalltown boy and powerful alpha male alien and you You YOU ...."

The rest had be censored. I'm sure female readers can guess what would happen if SK and LL could get their hands on certain people.

Sassy however was busy. She had a Doctor to pick up! a doctor of archaeology called ... Fluvia Canta.

Technically Fluvia was custody. Fluvia who had several other names teasingly preferred to it as protective custody as not only did she have a spouse with a travelling device but some very special girlfriends to go shopping with, namely Sassy and Goldie.

Lady Zen Shipper appeared in the corridor outside of Fluvia's cell NS  young guard whimpered. "Nnononon not again," and didn't even bother trying for the phone. Sassy calmly walked over to the door of the cell and barked out a request,

"Darling know where I could find a Doctor of Archaeology who might know where I get a Vortex manipulator ?"

fluvia smiled and the lights went out.

The lights quickly came back on showing an empty corriodr and cell and the guard sighed and then cheered up thinking "oh well if she's away along enuff I can have her desert! Its Martian Apple Pie night!"

to be continued sooner or later