#fanfic reedited 2014 #drwho #london #urbanfantasy
The Battle of Respite Street
and how Reg met Her Inside!
In a certain Street in East London people were having afternoon tea along with their underlings and significant others.
The civil sorcerer was there and his apprentice and his wife carrying a voilin case.
Her Inside was serving tea in cups to them and iced tea in a glass with a straw to her husband Reg when the doorbell rung. The apprentice picked up his iphone and activated the scanner.
"No signs of entity activity!"
Her Inside moved towards the door.
"Wait a minute!" cried the apprentice, "no sign of human activity either!
Who or what is knocking on the door?"
That question was ansnwered by the door being smashed in. Well half the door the bottom was kicked in and the top disintegrated.
Out on the front path and street was a small squadron of cyborgs, consisting of two types of very British cyborgs, the ones with silver skins and the ones that have been compared to condiment servers.
"Oh dear," shuddered Her Inside, "our relatives and inlaws have formed an alliance."
Other doors and windows were being smashed and destroyed along the street.
The Two largest cyborgs made an announcment.
"All residents will gather for processing. Illegal migrants will be returned to their correct continuum. Others will serve and obey. OBEY!"
(Note of rnewer readers this is a rebump from a series
Most of Respite Street's resident have escaped or are visiting from their universes to hide or vacation in ours!)
"Da@#k Reg You are not authorized to reside here! Report for punishment!"
"Cyborg Her! Remove those clothes and report for processing and repairs."
"NO" shouted Reg and Her together.
"We will not go back to being things and toys! "
"Obey or be destroyed now!"
"NO!"
Young Robert's wife opened her violin case.
"Ah yes their audio receptors are a weak point!" observed Dr. A,
"Everyone human move to the back of the house.
I'm sorry Her and Reg this may hurt you too if it works!"
Agent M begun to play and time slowed down.
The cyborgs stopped and then advanced again but slowly and raising weapon arms.
M changed the pace of her music.
The cyborgs begun to shake and shudder.
Nearby cats and dogs and other animals shrieked.
A giant spider in a workshop under Hampstead Heath dropped a needle and moaned.
(Read #BenedictJacka !)
Her Inside struggled to embrace her husband one last minute annd asked him,
"Remember how we met?"
"Yes refugees in the therapist's offices at Teckelstein, "answered Reg, "You were a vision in silver amongst all those softbodies and you turned and asked me Your First Time here too and you reached out and touched me with such delicacy.
You touched and I felt you smile inside and my soul grow stronger.
"I love you!" they shouted in unison as the music reached a crescendo and the other cyborgs still advanced.
The cyborgs were screaming at them.
"Illogical Dysfunctional Not a real Da#$K Irrelevant Emotional !
You will not be processed! You will be destroyed!"
The violinist tried a different tune, that of a famous hymn.
Those who could sing joined the music with the words of Amazing Grace.
The cyborgs shuddered and stalled again and shrieked,
" Analysis Psionic weaponry Possibilites Empathy Resonator Device Sonic Disruptor Psychic Ampilifier Strategy Destroy the violin!"
Then a small boy appeared with a musical instrument.
To be continued !
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Monday, 10 December 2012
Afternoon Tea
Afternoon Tea with Bamfs and PR
Sassy barked an important announcement.
"Okay everyone according to my notes we have a BIG fight scene coming up so we're going to break for afternoon tea or coffee or whatever you drink, non-alcoholic, please!"
And now we're ignoring the Fourth Wall! Again!
Now for a direct appeal from our characters!
Ladies and Gentle Beings our scribe has gotten somewhat distracted by her annnual frenzy of almost useless prexmas PR for card and gift design.
We keep telling her she should just focus on us but then she despairing looks at the Google stats and glares at us and then despairing looks at the lack of sales or PayPal donations and then logs off the computer and does some boring and mundane chore like pay a bill or cook or wash clothes sooo please remember to tell your friends and family to visit temporal pests or one of our scribes other sites like
www.cafepress.com/voxyvisions or www.redbubble.com/people/scholara
oh yes we nearly forget the scribe is glaring at us by the way
our scribe works casually so she gets NO vacation pay and the local college just ended its term so no work for six weeks so please think about visiting those sites and helping her with some PR okay
Now back to Afternooon Tea.
One of the reasons people were willing to work for and with Sassy and Goldie was that Lady Zen Shipper had some amazing recipes in her replicator and some wonderful goodies in storage.
Real Italian Gelato served in Ming dynasty porcelain bowls.
Japanese tea sweets. A choice of ice or hot tea green or "black".
Freshly baked scones with REAL cream and jam.
Tiny but delicious little dumplings and pastries and small but intensely flavorsome chocolates.
And real picnic rugs scattered with cushions and parasols for thos ewho needed them.
Fluvia and girls from Pasadena were pouring tea for the others and even the B$%fs
were behaving after an initial attempt to swarm and grab all the cake at all had been stopped by Fluvia heroicly cooing "Who needs a group hug?"
She had briefly disappeared into a swarm of B$%fs until the other ladies girls and women present grabbed a few B$%fs each and helped her with the group hug.
Now sated with affection and cakes the B%^Fs were being also adorable and were walking around the picnicers offering plates and platters of food.
"How many things are left on this list?" asked Fluvia.
"We're about half way through it both time and item wise!" replied Sassy.
Next time what's happening elsewhere.
Monday, 3 December 2012
Doing the Time Warp
Wow 35 posts okay for those who have only visited recently let's do the time warp and take you back to the beginning ...
Temporal Pests ONE Copyright Julie Vaux 2012
TIME OUT FOR A PAIR OF CHARACTERS OUTSIDE TIME
In Which We meet Two Rather Unusual Little People and Some of Their Many Friends and Enemies.
There are places within the Multiverse, which are both in and outside of what some call the eleven dimensions of space-time and others an infinite standing wave. In these “between” places you can move and exist beyond the normal limits of sentient perception. Some folk call them spatio-temporal nodes, other shadow knots, or shimmer points, or stranger names. If you are there, then you can be and go almost anywhere, and yet also any when, for they are the places where time-slips and trans-dimensional gates manifest in densely woven clusters, instead of as scattered anomalies.
This particular one would look to most humans, when moving towards it, like a flower of many petals with each petal being a slightly different color. The colors move through the entire spectrum of possible radiation. Imagine also that this blossom has no stem and its petals rotate around what looks like a circle made of many tangents joining, with lines formed by waves converging in and out of existence.
Some of those lines flow into the petals in a way that suggests those petals are an illusion caused by the convergence of tangents and merely areas of stillness within a pattern of waves. The lines or pistils quiver endlessly like a harp string vibrating in such a way you see one primary string and several others at the same time. Perhaps they are echoes of cosmic or quantum strings.
Look closer and you will see that the petals seem to be joined by silver wire. Come even closer and you will the silver wire is multi-stranded. Here and there structures are attached to each strand and there are objects moving around those structures. You may also see shapes that suggest doors and gates, or mirrors, round, square, sealed, and open. Through these structures a variety of beings move. Some of them are humanoid and wear coverings suggesting uniforms. Others are not remotely humanoid, occasionally biped, and probably sentient.
Two of the non humanoid beings, who were definitely not two-limbed but allegedly sentient, depending on who you asked, and what experiences they had previously with them, were being forcibly placed into an enclosure in one of these structures, being thrown within actually, to accompanying bellows of, “AND STAY IN THERE!” A force-field sealed the enclosure to the protesting yelps and argles of two peculiar beings.
The one who yelped was female and looked like a Standard Red Long haired dachshund of impeccable bloodlines and powerful elegance. She appeared to be the sort of dachshund that occupants of the darkest densest forests of central Europe, from the smallest hare up to massive wild boars, hide from, shivering, as they hear the pack sniffling after them. This variety of Terran canine, also hunts and stalks small dangerous (well to canid livers) items like chocolate Lamingtons and Anzac biscuits. They also do population control for edible pests, like rats, and their range of predation varies upwards in scale to much larger prey, like time lost dinosaurs, and those dragons of the kith and darkling kin, whose behaviour gave more honorable dragons a bad reputation, and possibly also bandersnatchi and even stranger beasts and brutes.
The other female looked like the result obtained, if someone, who really should not have been allowed near genetic engineering devices, had created a cross between a small dragonoid and a seal, with more than a dash of otter and goldfish, but no visible scales or fur. A large finned tail curved into a torso which had two front flippers and the whole body was covered with a skin that seemed to shimmer as if scaled but also had a soft satiny texture. This torso narrowed into a long slender neck topped by a head and muzzle that tapered and split into four digits at the end, giving this being a rather snaggly smile. She had “teeth” or fangs or claws at the end of each flexible "finger".
The designer or creator was apparently fixated on using pink, gold, and purple, and their creation also appeared to be wearing purple makeup outlining its mouth parts and eyes, and was currently wearing glitter covered sunglasses, that a certain Aussie dame would have adored. Or possibly someone had carefully applied make-up? Certainly several individuals had expressed a wish to find out where Goldie, a.k.a. Gilda Dragonides, bought her make-up although with the aim of having her banned from shopping from wherever that was.
Sassy the canid member of this duet, shook out her fur, and snapped and snarled.
“Honestly I so did NOT do graffiti on the Sphinx of “Sassy was here!” in gold glitter! Like practically every one else has but not moi! That poor bulge of rock has been hacked at and scribbled on by Aliens, Atlanteans, Egyptians, Greeks, and oh yes, was it Napoleon’s army who used it for target practise? BUT NOT ME! Honestly if the Sphinx really was an alien construct they should have made it a robot so it can get up and walk into the desert away from all those vandals!”
The small dragonoid by her side argled in agreement making Goullawk utterances that translated into English as, “Yes, they even blamed us for some stuff we haven’t done, as if we would do anything like that, when we were busy doing other things, like transporting Frodo and Gandalf into that producer’s office! Teehee! And then we took those Kaledian mutant cyborgs to …”
“Quiet!” hissed Sassy, “You want more reality violations added to the list! We’re just going to have to stay here and behave until Uncle Gus bails us out! He’ll understand why we couldn’t resist sooling that gene construct based on a giant mutant lizard onto the Capital of a certain evil galactic mega-corp. So a few people got probably mmm ….”
“Squashed?!” squealed Goldie gleefully, “but they were evil clone slavers!”
Sassy sighed and lay down carefully arranging herself in the infamous “I’m so elegant and innocent so how could you believe I would do that?” position of head resting on crossed forelegs and slightly raised brow ridges with relaxed ears. Goldie copied her with differing results as a Goullawk with drooping ear fins but raised eye ridges lying down looks more a pathetic abandoned bath toy.
Goullawks vary considerably in size, according to age, gender, and diet. Goldie’s size could perhaps best be described as lap dragon although other Goullawks have been mistaken for traditional Celtic monsters of sea loch and shore.
After a while Sassy, being naturally optimistic cheered up and whispered to Goldie.
“They still haven’t found out where we parked Lady Zen Shipper so we can still have more adventures once Uncle Gus gets us out of here!”
Goldie argled a question, “Why hasn’t Uncle Gus bailed us out yet?”
“Uncle Gus will come and get us!” replied Sassy, “I’m one of his favorite grand-nieces!”
Goldie hakkegled a question, “mmm he has about three hundred grand nieces?”
“But he only has one me!” replied Sassy proudly tilting her muzzle.
This display of self-esteem was interrupted by noises from outside.
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot, and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them. Sassy and Goldie looked fretfully at each other.
“Now would be a good time to go home?” burbled Goldie who proceeded to flipper walk away from Sassy.
Sassy sat there for a moment still stunned by seeing herself. What had her doppelganger meant? Get help? This wasn’t her problem. This was an opportunity to escape?
Goldie not hearing the swash of fur behind or next to her turned around and hakkergled,
“Hello is this that temporal flashie thing that being who looked like you talked about?”
She waddled back and nudged Sassy with her snout, blattering her eyelids, (a movement like fluttering but faster almost a flickering) and blurbled, “Hello Galpal Goldie to Super Sassy! Time to go, Go! GO!”
Sassy shook herself. “Yes let’s go find an active portal or a quantum tunnel and reach Lady Zen Shipper!”
They trotted down the corridor, two small figures unnoticed amidst a confusion and commocion (a lovely Spanish word overdue to be borrowed into English) of giant, medium, and small sized, killer robots, evil cyborgs of several kinds, wicked druids and fashionistas, and various hooded and caped figures, and many individuals of several genders wearing the sort of tailored clothing that says I’m rich, powerful and probably have a dubious grasp of basic ethics along with dodgy dress sense! Yes the forces of evil were partying! Some of them even wore outfits that were actually tastefully frightening!
Along the way Sassy and Goldie trotted past some of the individuals from the various Time Space Patrols and Temporal Bureaus and other such agencies, who had placed them in the holding area to await judgement. A small group of humans in a variety of uniforms and suits were kneeling behind a console firing rayguns, bazookas, energy rifles, flechette guns, and just plain bullets, at an advancing cacophonic chaos of caped figures, fiends, and their cronies, devices, lackeys and hench-folk.
Sassy cheerfully hollered as she trotted past. “Hi guys! We’re free again!”
Goldie added in Goullawk, having remembered what the other Sassy had asked them to do, “and going to get help!!!” and bobbed her head up and down in a manner that was meant to look reassuringly cute. It did if you were a younger Goullawk worried about being eaten by its elders, who seemed to be considering whether it was too stupid or dysfunctional to enjoy the continual privilege of life, but to a human it just looked weird and demented! And so not reassuring!
“Commander” asked one of the humans, “May I please shoot them too?”
“No!” stated the Commander, “they might help!”
“Help do what make things more complicated or worse!” responded the questioner, “Them? Help? They’re Teckelsteiners! You know what their idea of help is, making such a mess of things we have to go in and rearrange people’s memories or remove anomalies or or or …”
“Incoming!” screamed someone else as fireballs were launched at them and they all ducked for cover. When they looked up again Sassy and Goldie were out of sight. A team of hench-folk were approaching with large nets and lassos and other objects such as nunchakus and knuckledusters designed to deliver stunning force viciously. Barely visible to the rear were a group of older semi-retired villains sitting on a shielded antigravity platform comfortably sipping drinks and apparently marking scores on clipboards. Just as the heroes, good guys, and other relatively righteous folk, and let’s not forget honorable lady amazons, were about to run out of weapon power, and the lackeys and henchpersons closed in on them, the commander turned to his men and made a promise while manfully posing.
“Have no fear! Help is on the way! If not those dachshunds then shirley someone else will send help soon!”
“I think that’s surely sir!” replied someone as he pivoted to kick a servant of evil in what he hoped was a delicate region, and gasped, as he contacted with hidden solid metal, “but the odds are sheerly against us! However,” he croaked and gasped, mentally cursing the inventor of metal codpieces, “could tiny lil dogs poss’ly help! AAARGH!”
“Have no fear,” bellowed the commander heroically; being a graduate of that type of Shakespearian theatre training which often ends up being used in cult sci-fi shows, “Dachshunds don’t know the meaning of the word impossible. And they’re fearless and courageous!”
“They don’t know the meaning of fear so they’ll front up to any threat?” yelled someone who sensibly had thrown their empty gun away and was swinging a sledgehammer towards a pale-skinned cyborg’s head.
“No they’re dachshunds” cried the commander. “They’re fearless about most things except bath time and they really don’t know the meaning of the word impossible. They just don’t understand it!”
He was about to explain that dachshunds, especially those from Teckelstein, had an attitude about reality and life best described as a belief that if you couldn’t do it yourself you just find some nice friendly kind human to con into doing it for you, but just then a giant robot vented a cloud of sleeping gas over them. Meanwhile Sassy and Goldie had quietly slipped through a quantum tunnel off to retrieve Lady Zen Shipper.
Temporal Pests ONE Copyright Julie Vaux 2012
TIME OUT FOR A PAIR OF CHARACTERS OUTSIDE TIME
In Which We meet Two Rather Unusual Little People and Some of Their Many Friends and Enemies.
There are places within the Multiverse, which are both in and outside of what some call the eleven dimensions of space-time and others an infinite standing wave. In these “between” places you can move and exist beyond the normal limits of sentient perception. Some folk call them spatio-temporal nodes, other shadow knots, or shimmer points, or stranger names. If you are there, then you can be and go almost anywhere, and yet also any when, for they are the places where time-slips and trans-dimensional gates manifest in densely woven clusters, instead of as scattered anomalies.
This particular one would look to most humans, when moving towards it, like a flower of many petals with each petal being a slightly different color. The colors move through the entire spectrum of possible radiation. Imagine also that this blossom has no stem and its petals rotate around what looks like a circle made of many tangents joining, with lines formed by waves converging in and out of existence.
Some of those lines flow into the petals in a way that suggests those petals are an illusion caused by the convergence of tangents and merely areas of stillness within a pattern of waves. The lines or pistils quiver endlessly like a harp string vibrating in such a way you see one primary string and several others at the same time. Perhaps they are echoes of cosmic or quantum strings.
Look closer and you will see that the petals seem to be joined by silver wire. Come even closer and you will the silver wire is multi-stranded. Here and there structures are attached to each strand and there are objects moving around those structures. You may also see shapes that suggest doors and gates, or mirrors, round, square, sealed, and open. Through these structures a variety of beings move. Some of them are humanoid and wear coverings suggesting uniforms. Others are not remotely humanoid, occasionally biped, and probably sentient.
Two of the non humanoid beings, who were definitely not two-limbed but allegedly sentient, depending on who you asked, and what experiences they had previously with them, were being forcibly placed into an enclosure in one of these structures, being thrown within actually, to accompanying bellows of, “AND STAY IN THERE!” A force-field sealed the enclosure to the protesting yelps and argles of two peculiar beings.
The one who yelped was female and looked like a Standard Red Long haired dachshund of impeccable bloodlines and powerful elegance. She appeared to be the sort of dachshund that occupants of the darkest densest forests of central Europe, from the smallest hare up to massive wild boars, hide from, shivering, as they hear the pack sniffling after them. This variety of Terran canine, also hunts and stalks small dangerous (well to canid livers) items like chocolate Lamingtons and Anzac biscuits. They also do population control for edible pests, like rats, and their range of predation varies upwards in scale to much larger prey, like time lost dinosaurs, and those dragons of the kith and darkling kin, whose behaviour gave more honorable dragons a bad reputation, and possibly also bandersnatchi and even stranger beasts and brutes.
The other female looked like the result obtained, if someone, who really should not have been allowed near genetic engineering devices, had created a cross between a small dragonoid and a seal, with more than a dash of otter and goldfish, but no visible scales or fur. A large finned tail curved into a torso which had two front flippers and the whole body was covered with a skin that seemed to shimmer as if scaled but also had a soft satiny texture. This torso narrowed into a long slender neck topped by a head and muzzle that tapered and split into four digits at the end, giving this being a rather snaggly smile. She had “teeth” or fangs or claws at the end of each flexible "finger".
The designer or creator was apparently fixated on using pink, gold, and purple, and their creation also appeared to be wearing purple makeup outlining its mouth parts and eyes, and was currently wearing glitter covered sunglasses, that a certain Aussie dame would have adored. Or possibly someone had carefully applied make-up? Certainly several individuals had expressed a wish to find out where Goldie, a.k.a. Gilda Dragonides, bought her make-up although with the aim of having her banned from shopping from wherever that was.
Sassy the canid member of this duet, shook out her fur, and snapped and snarled.
“Honestly I so did NOT do graffiti on the Sphinx of “Sassy was here!” in gold glitter! Like practically every one else has but not moi! That poor bulge of rock has been hacked at and scribbled on by Aliens, Atlanteans, Egyptians, Greeks, and oh yes, was it Napoleon’s army who used it for target practise? BUT NOT ME! Honestly if the Sphinx really was an alien construct they should have made it a robot so it can get up and walk into the desert away from all those vandals!”
The small dragonoid by her side argled in agreement making Goullawk utterances that translated into English as, “Yes, they even blamed us for some stuff we haven’t done, as if we would do anything like that, when we were busy doing other things, like transporting Frodo and Gandalf into that producer’s office! Teehee! And then we took those Kaledian mutant cyborgs to …”
“Quiet!” hissed Sassy, “You want more reality violations added to the list! We’re just going to have to stay here and behave until Uncle Gus bails us out! He’ll understand why we couldn’t resist sooling that gene construct based on a giant mutant lizard onto the Capital of a certain evil galactic mega-corp. So a few people got probably mmm ….”
“Squashed?!” squealed Goldie gleefully, “but they were evil clone slavers!”
Sassy sighed and lay down carefully arranging herself in the infamous “I’m so elegant and innocent so how could you believe I would do that?” position of head resting on crossed forelegs and slightly raised brow ridges with relaxed ears. Goldie copied her with differing results as a Goullawk with drooping ear fins but raised eye ridges lying down looks more a pathetic abandoned bath toy.
Goullawks vary considerably in size, according to age, gender, and diet. Goldie’s size could perhaps best be described as lap dragon although other Goullawks have been mistaken for traditional Celtic monsters of sea loch and shore.
After a while Sassy, being naturally optimistic cheered up and whispered to Goldie.
“They still haven’t found out where we parked Lady Zen Shipper so we can still have more adventures once Uncle Gus gets us out of here!”
Goldie argled a question, “Why hasn’t Uncle Gus bailed us out yet?”
“Uncle Gus will come and get us!” replied Sassy, “I’m one of his favorite grand-nieces!”
Goldie hakkegled a question, “mmm he has about three hundred grand nieces?”
“But he only has one me!” replied Sassy proudly tilting her muzzle.
This display of self-esteem was interrupted by noises from outside.
Sounds of violence begun to boom, and the hiss of energy beams forcing subatomic particles to change orbits could be heard, and sonic blasters zinging against walls, along with the screams of injured or angry beings. Midst all this chaos, riot, and mayhem, a small dog came sashaying up the corridor towards them.
“Hey that’s me!” barked Sassy.
“Blahargh???” responded Goldie, stretching her head towards the door and fanning out both ear fins in bewilderment. The small figure walked over to a console, stretched up and placed its forepaws on a button, and the force field holding them back disappeared.
Sassy started towards her doppelganger.
“Don’t get too close! There’ll be temporal flashback if you do!” cried out her mirror image.
“You are me!” cried Sassy, “How?”
“Look it’s going to take you about three days to figure out why we’re both here but its not a closed temporal loop yet, but it will be a crossover if we get this right! Hurry up and escape out of here and get help! Certain forces of evil and various villians are attempting to take over this node so they can rewrite their personal histories! Make sure you ask for help BEFORE you come back here. Tara told me so! The Buddhist one! And the help has to arrive three days from now or it can’t get here! Hurry!”
Sassy’s temporal doppelganger turned and raced away from them. Sassy and Goldie looked fretfully at each other.
“Now would be a good time to go home?” burbled Goldie who proceeded to flipper walk away from Sassy.
Sassy sat there for a moment still stunned by seeing herself. What had her doppelganger meant? Get help? This wasn’t her problem. This was an opportunity to escape?
Goldie not hearing the swash of fur behind or next to her turned around and hakkergled,
“Hello is this that temporal flashie thing that being who looked like you talked about?”
She waddled back and nudged Sassy with her snout, blattering her eyelids, (a movement like fluttering but faster almost a flickering) and blurbled, “Hello Galpal Goldie to Super Sassy! Time to go, Go! GO!”
Sassy shook herself. “Yes let’s go find an active portal or a quantum tunnel and reach Lady Zen Shipper!”
They trotted down the corridor, two small figures unnoticed amidst a confusion and commocion (a lovely Spanish word overdue to be borrowed into English) of giant, medium, and small sized, killer robots, evil cyborgs of several kinds, wicked druids and fashionistas, and various hooded and caped figures, and many individuals of several genders wearing the sort of tailored clothing that says I’m rich, powerful and probably have a dubious grasp of basic ethics along with dodgy dress sense! Yes the forces of evil were partying! Some of them even wore outfits that were actually tastefully frightening!
Along the way Sassy and Goldie trotted past some of the individuals from the various Time Space Patrols and Temporal Bureaus and other such agencies, who had placed them in the holding area to await judgement. A small group of humans in a variety of uniforms and suits were kneeling behind a console firing rayguns, bazookas, energy rifles, flechette guns, and just plain bullets, at an advancing cacophonic chaos of caped figures, fiends, and their cronies, devices, lackeys and hench-folk.
Sassy cheerfully hollered as she trotted past. “Hi guys! We’re free again!”
Goldie added in Goullawk, having remembered what the other Sassy had asked them to do, “and going to get help!!!” and bobbed her head up and down in a manner that was meant to look reassuringly cute. It did if you were a younger Goullawk worried about being eaten by its elders, who seemed to be considering whether it was too stupid or dysfunctional to enjoy the continual privilege of life, but to a human it just looked weird and demented! And so not reassuring!
“Commander” asked one of the humans, “May I please shoot them too?”
“No!” stated the Commander, “they might help!”
“Help do what make things more complicated or worse!” responded the questioner, “Them? Help? They’re Teckelsteiners! You know what their idea of help is, making such a mess of things we have to go in and rearrange people’s memories or remove anomalies or or or …”
“Incoming!” screamed someone else as fireballs were launched at them and they all ducked for cover. When they looked up again Sassy and Goldie were out of sight. A team of hench-folk were approaching with large nets and lassos and other objects such as nunchakus and knuckledusters designed to deliver stunning force viciously. Barely visible to the rear were a group of older semi-retired villains sitting on a shielded antigravity platform comfortably sipping drinks and apparently marking scores on clipboards. Just as the heroes, good guys, and other relatively righteous folk, and let’s not forget honorable lady amazons, were about to run out of weapon power, and the lackeys and henchpersons closed in on them, the commander turned to his men and made a promise while manfully posing.
“Have no fear! Help is on the way! If not those dachshunds then shirley someone else will send help soon!”
“I think that’s surely sir!” replied someone as he pivoted to kick a servant of evil in what he hoped was a delicate region, and gasped, as he contacted with hidden solid metal, “but the odds are sheerly against us! However,” he croaked and gasped, mentally cursing the inventor of metal codpieces, “could tiny lil dogs poss’ly help! AAARGH!”
“Have no fear,” bellowed the commander heroically; being a graduate of that type of Shakespearian theatre training which often ends up being used in cult sci-fi shows, “Dachshunds don’t know the meaning of the word impossible. And they’re fearless and courageous!”
“They don’t know the meaning of fear so they’ll front up to any threat?” yelled someone who sensibly had thrown their empty gun away and was swinging a sledgehammer towards a pale-skinned cyborg’s head.
“No they’re dachshunds” cried the commander. “They’re fearless about most things except bath time and they really don’t know the meaning of the word impossible. They just don’t understand it!”
He was about to explain that dachshunds, especially those from Teckelstein, had an attitude about reality and life best described as a belief that if you couldn’t do it yourself you just find some nice friendly kind human to con into doing it for you, but just then a giant robot vented a cloud of sleeping gas over them. Meanwhile Sassy and Goldie had quietly slipped through a quantum tunnel off to retrieve Lady Zen Shipper.
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Let there be Ba#$
Let There be Ba#$s!
"So why do we need the boys to build a transstellar transport device that generates wormholes," asked JonaHexed, who hadn't been allowed to read the list yet?
"Something happens to Reg's Taxi but that's not for another hour," answered Sassy.
"But we have Lady Zen Shipper?" stated Jonahexed.
"Apparently building the gate allows a lost and forgotten character to return."
"So who's next," asked Fluvia, leaning closer to read down the list which Goldie was holding up in her mouth for Sassy to read," THEM? the little blue pests!"
No Dear Readers not the ones starting with S.
Meanwhile a memorial statue of a fuzzy elfish being in San Francisco was surrounded by a horde or swarm of small blue beings all wailing,
"They killed Daddy B@#f! They killed Papa B@#f!"
"And Hewlett finally caught the last of us and banned us from the school grounds!" bewailed another holding an empty whiskey bottle.
Lady Zen Shipper appeared next to the normally invisible yet oddly never a hazard to aircraft or avians giant comatose alien.
"Look!" squealed one of the smarter Ba#$fs who instead of crying had been panhandling from tourists, "its the Dragon Queen and the Time Lady and the Teckel Princess!"
The Ba#$ stopped crying and swarmed over to the Girls.
"Hello boys!" barked Sassy, "wanna a job!"
To be continued in the usual erratic manner.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Meet the Constructor
Meet the Constructor !
and a few other familiar faces
"Wow!" exclaimed Sassy looking at the scanner, "We didn't vaporize most of Pasadena though it is a bit singed ..."
"well" cackled Jonahexed grabbing his hands together, "Now to see if our evil plan worked hehehe.
Fluvia slapped him.
"I told him not to dress up in that horror movie outfit!"
She grabbed him by an ear.
"Bath time for you in blessed water!
Fortunately I'm used to handling adults who act like twelve year olds!"
JonaHexed whimpered and inside his container Dark Caper giggled and crooned.
People who had been possessed by him were prone to lingering moments of odd behaviour.
"So dramatic entrance via teleport to see if we zapped the Gang?" asked Goldie," and can I wear my Power Goullawk vest?"
"The one you cut down from Pee Gee's old outfits?" asked Fluvia,"ah does it still have the ... ???"
"Humph I took out the gag boobs!" snapped Goldie.
Meanwhile several thousand feet below smoke was clearing and clothes had changed.
"Howie," squealed Mrs Wolowiz,"you look awesome!"
"In a strangely Kirbysque way?" observed Leon.
The Waitress was now wearing a white and gold outfit with a large P on the very tight front and Mrs Wolowiz a miniskirt thigh high boots and a swimsuit apparently designed by Mike Grell.
Leon was just about to realise his own outfit now resembled Coluan haute couture circa the thirty first century when a classic Trek teleport sfx filled the middle of the room.
"oh nooo!" moaned Super Pandit in his delightful accent,"it is the little doggie and the very nagging mini naga queen and ... hello mature but sexy I'm Raaa ..."
Goldie slapped him into silence.
Becoming Super pandit had cured his selective mutism.
Fluvia just looked bemused.
"Sorry sweetie I have a man!"
"look Ladies just why are you here?" asked Leon," and aren't you Riv...?"
"Hush sweetie we don't want to attract any copyright lawyers with no sense of humor?!"
"My future self told me to arrange an "accident" so you'ld all get super powers and we can return to the Node and reset reality," explained Sassy.
"Reset reality? Why we have super powers now!" shouted Wolowiz.
"Well apart from the fact Super Pandit is probably going to get himself killed hitting on someone with more powers than him ... " as she said this Super Pandit was hovering in a position that allowed him a close up view of Fluvia's cleavage, " ... take a look at the news update showing on the TV.
"Yes it's official folks we have several versions of the Justice League and Avengers fighting about who the real ones are in the streets of Manhattan and we're about to cross over for an exclusive interviews with Guy Gardener who claims to be the one and only real Green Lantern.
"Our reality now includes Guy Gardener? Okay that could be a problem ... "
"And what if Galactus or Thanos are real now or did you miss the story about Latveria?" asked Sassy.
Leon shuddered.
Sassy continued reading her notes.
"Oh Mr Wolowiz you are now the CONSTRUCTOR! Think about making something.
"Oookay!"
Wolowiz reached out a hand. Energy suddenly surged down it and a hover bike appeared.
"Hey can I have a new car?" asked the Waitress.
"Oookay!"
"Mmm that's your super power Persuasion!"
"And what do I do?" asked Mrs Wolowiz .
"mmm you're the Shrieker with super sonic shouting power according to my notes," answered Sassy.
"So ladies what can the CONSTRUCTOR imagineer for you?"
"Ah guys ... and ladies what about the other problem?" asked Leon pointing at teh whiteboard.
A drawing had appeared of a bluejay pointing at a man wearing a black cape with a familiar expression of assumed superiority next to a symbol combining a flower and a spiral and a note saying Meemaw's Moonpie is with the super villians at the Node.
"What's the Node?" asked the Waitress,"A comic book shop?"
"Earlier this day ..."
Readers if you've just visited go back to the first post and read the opening chapters!
Thank You!
And will someone please use the Paypal box ?
Monday, 12 November 2012
One Lab Accident
"Now what's next on our list?" asked Goldie, although she was quite capable of reading it herself.
Sassy was squinting earnestly with a very serious expression at the list.
"We've got cavalry and air support but we need a flock of dodos and to arrange a freak storm in pasadena to cause a lab accident to an Amy FF, some called pennypennypenny! and Bernie ... is ... gosh who wrote this for me ... is that name wolowiz?"
Meanwhile in Pasadena other people had similar ideas and two Ph.D., a Masters in Engineering and a waitress were setting up chemicals and other devices while Mrs Wolowiz and Superpandit were watching them. Superpandit was floating four feet off the floor as his new levitation abilities had gotten stuck on HOVER.
"Okay people if we're right about how the laws of physics have changed an open window a kitchen bench covered with dangerous chemicals and a few of his hairs should allow us to locate the East Texan Mantis Monster along with this picture Stuie draw for us and the scrabble board on the table.
Now how do we get the freak weather or electrical discharge?"
Some short time later in the stratosphere Lady Zen Shipper was cloud herding disguised as an airship with camo gray cloud patterns.
"All right are we above Pasadena yet? Everyone got their safety googles on?" asked JonaHexed dressed in a dashing 30s style lab jacket steam punk googles and black rubber boots.
"Oh can I do the count down wehn you pull the lever?" squealed Goldie!
"Lets all do it start chanting folks!" cried JonaHeXed as he started moving the lever downwards.
"TEN!" There was a humming sound.
"NINE!" An whiff of ozone!
"EIGHT!" Well yeah you're going to have to READthe SFX unless I suddenly start getting ahelluva lot of Paypal tokens of appreciation so I can pay a PRO to draw this and other scenes and no one has used the paypal yet and Christmas is coming and ...
"SEVEN" Fluvia's hair begun to frizz with static electricity and Sassy's heckles rose.
"SIX" Down in Pasadena the waitress exclaimed
"Oh a freak unforecast storm!"
"FIVE" "Everyone get inside the circle or stand next to the chemicals!" shouted one of the Ph.D's in Pasadena.
"FOUR"
"THREE"
"TWO"
Okay everyone reader participation time!
"ONE!"
A massive discharge of over excited molecules wove a mass of air into a pathway for power and flashed downwards thru the window.
Next time have our fearless heroines made new allies?
Friday, 2 November 2012
So now what
So now what
well the girls are still working their way down their list
So now what!?
"So now what do we do?" asked Goldie as she and Sassy ticked more names off
their list.
"Well we need more police and and some one to fit a harness for the Vortex
manipulator and a few giant robots and ...him?"
"OH this is definitely a job for me!" exclaimed Sassy.
Some time later further up time in what looks like a holiday resort Sassy
trotted across a garden terrace following a trail of cigarette smoke.
Some one was hiding behind some bushes nervously puffing.
"Hello Major Mayor!" barked Sassy.
The smoker shied and neighed. Sassy evaded the hooves of his lower limbs and
the cigarette he dropped from his hand.
The being who had centaur cousins swore in an obscure Rural Germanic dialect
and placing both hands on his front hips glared down at the dachshund.
"What do you want?!"
"How would you like to take a break from this place without going missing?"
asked Sassy.
"me go AWOL?!" he asked.
"Oh not really since technically you'll have never left the grounds!"
"Tell me more!"
"Yes do tell us more!" demanded a natural blonde with a delicate golden pink
complexion yet masculine figure. His distinguished sky pilot friend standing
by his stared at Sassy and muttered something that sounded like
"my god they're breeding talking dogs now!"
"Oh Peachy Person says on my list I need a rider with a white horse and a WW2
so you and your friend can come and play too!" exclaimed Sassy.
"Phoenix is ... "
A dainty yet fiery Arab Berber Mare suddenly appeared out of nothing and
trotted up to the Peachy One who embraced her.
Sassy muttered a quick prayer to whatever entity was responsible and thought
she heard some one sigh in happy acknowledgement.
( with apologies to Donna Barr but you were being so mean to poor Stinz over in AFTER DEAD and I thought he deserved a break!)
Visit
www.stinz.com
If you can "get" my sense of humor you'll probably enjoy Stinz too!
well the girls are still working their way down their list
So now what!?
"So now what do we do?" asked Goldie as she and Sassy ticked more names off
their list.
"Well we need more police and and some one to fit a harness for the Vortex
manipulator and a few giant robots and ...him?"
"OH this is definitely a job for me!" exclaimed Sassy.
Some time later further up time in what looks like a holiday resort Sassy
trotted across a garden terrace following a trail of cigarette smoke.
Some one was hiding behind some bushes nervously puffing.
"Hello Major Mayor!" barked Sassy.
The smoker shied and neighed. Sassy evaded the hooves of his lower limbs and
the cigarette he dropped from his hand.
The being who had centaur cousins swore in an obscure Rural Germanic dialect
and placing both hands on his front hips glared down at the dachshund.
"What do you want?!"
"How would you like to take a break from this place without going missing?"
asked Sassy.
"me go AWOL?!" he asked.
"Oh not really since technically you'll have never left the grounds!"
"Tell me more!"
"Yes do tell us more!" demanded a natural blonde with a delicate golden pink
complexion yet masculine figure. His distinguished sky pilot friend standing
by his stared at Sassy and muttered something that sounded like
"my god they're breeding talking dogs now!"
"Oh Peachy Person says on my list I need a rider with a white horse and a WW2
so you and your friend can come and play too!" exclaimed Sassy.
"Phoenix is ... "
A dainty yet fiery Arab Berber Mare suddenly appeared out of nothing and
trotted up to the Peachy One who embraced her.
Sassy muttered a quick prayer to whatever entity was responsible and thought
she heard some one sigh in happy acknowledgement.
( with apologies to Donna Barr but you were being so mean to poor Stinz over in AFTER DEAD and I thought he deserved a break!)
Visit
www.stinz.com
If you can "get" my sense of humor you'll probably enjoy Stinz too!
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