Between a Cloth and a Hard Place

Between a Cloth and a Hard Place

While villianry gloated and the girls worked down their list JonaHexed was recovering from being forcibly repossessed by Fluvia from the clutches of that evil fabric Dark Caper.
He was encouched literally in Lady Zen Shippers tea lounge enjoying the sort of couch or sofa you really can seek into deeply. Dark Caper's bottle had been sealed into bubble wrap then super glued to a wooden board and the board nail gunned to a shelf of trophies and souvenirs.  Shrieks of frustration could still be heard though. The malevolent textile wanted out.


JonaHexed pulled a cushion over his head and grimaced wishing he was back in Brief Appearances safely enjoying refreshments, civilized company, and safety from predators like Dark Caper.  Once upon a time he had briefly been a star in a season of a popular scifi series. Now that series and its spin-offs were merely reruns and he ... he wept. It was painful being a character so close to fading that he could easily  be possessed by so minor an entity of Dark Caper who'd only appeared in fan fiction where at least he was a fan fiction version of a full character. The two had merged to survive.


Someone pulled the cushion off his head and passed him a tissue. It was one of the refugees from the Space Sargasso.

"Whats your name? I've forgotten mine? Can you help me find one? It's hard to remember who I used to be?"

Jonah sat down. He was written to try to be helpful and so compelled to respond. Plus the refugee was female and dressed in a retro futuristic skirt.

Dark Caper vented another muffled shriek sensing the surge of positive thought.

He smiled at the refugee asking,

"Who do you want to be?"

"I think I was in some 60s scifi comic. Something about space cadets. I was ... Vicki something ... someone British... "

"Vicki is a lovely name!" exclaimed JonaHexed suppressing an urge to go into explanatory mode.

"Ever heard of Wikipedia? Lets see if Lady Zen Shipper can access it or has an updated copy in her files?"

Goldie flumped into the room just as JonaHexed moved closer to Vicki and shrieked,

"Oh JonaHexed! Are you recovered Yet! Good back to work Dear!"

JonaHexed sighed and muttered "Duty calls ..." and followed Goldie out of the room.

A certain cloth snickered gleefully anticipating being alone with Vicki.

"I forgot someone!" snapped JonaHexed and stomped back into the room. He picked up the cushions and piled them on top on Dark Caper's shelf for extra insulation and turned and smiled at Vicki.

"why don't you come to the bridge with us and we'll access the computer from there?"

A muffled groan of disgust came from the shelf.

"Bah sentiment!"


Next time there's one last name on that list. Who could it be?


and will anyone ask who Vicki the Space Cadet is?

Hint there's a clue in the tags!

Yes It's A Trap Goldie!


Back in a certain city haunted by demons monsters wannabe actors and writers a peculiar being even by that city's standards was preparing for a painful change. She didn't believe in suffering to look fabulous but even Goldie accepted there was no way she could get to and into the open casting session advertised in the newspaper  for "Unusual People with Unusual Talents" as a Goullawk   nor would changing size work either. The sudden appearance of a 50 foot tall Dragonoid  tended to startle people as much as her usual appearance. She would have to use that spell one of her boyfriends Mr. BlackandSilver (Scribal hint: Translate it into Sindarin) taught her and change form as well. Walking on two legs wearing shoes was not pleasant but she'd had enough practise to do it with grace and style and a slight but sexy wobble.

A half an hour later inside the hotel several people were complaining about the strange noises that came from a certain room as persons of the hench folk variety watched a woman with purple hair and makeup and a short dress of metallic golden scales exited the hotel.

"Wow it worked! We got her out of the hotel and on her own!
The bosses will be so happy!

Back at the Node their bosses were indeed chortling their way through a cultural tradition laughing evilly between paragraphs sentences and phrases as they gloated about their plans in front of their prisoners, members of various Time Agencies, Patrols, Departments, and other organisations.

"This time Brethren sisters and other genders we win!

Our dark alliance has gained control and access over a primary node!

The gates between realities fictional mythic parallel and alternate are ALL opening!

We can reprogram and alter multiple universes split off timelines or loop them back and gain our heart's desires so evey one gets what they deserve!"

"Especially some of our writers!"

In one containment area prisoners were following the cultural tradition of whispering or using sign language or really obscure languages like Bundalung or Fur to communicate.

(Scribal notes Yes these are actual human languages!)

"Some one must have a sonic screwdriver or a multi tool or something shirley?"

"I have my ..."

Several people groaned at a Captain called Jack who was trying to catch the eye of a guard by smiling flirtatiously.

Elsewhere a certain Goullawk had begun to notice the local reality seemed to be rather plagued with cliches, particularly near her.  Pianos were rolling off trucks along with bananas, an unusually large number of pigeons were doing comedic deposits of droppings, and an ominous storm had appeared suddenly, and she'd only had to walk one block before she found an empty taxi to the studio, where the queue had suddenly shortened when a raid was made for former Australian soap actors who'd overstayed their visa.

The hench persons were watching her keenly.

They had carefully prepared the ultimate temptation.

An open door off the hallway to auditions showing a rehearsal room with a full orchestra and a percussion set  ... shiny bling  no Goullawk with musical delusions could resist. Goldie had musical ambitions. Unfortunately she also had a singing voice that to humans was disconcerting.

Then there was that thing that happened when she was around instruments unattended. She inevitably ended up literally entangled with whatever she tried to play. The Triangle. A Cello. A drum kit. And the unfortunate incident with the flute.

Goldie forced herself to stay in the line for registration and then was undone by a single statement.

"Feel free to wander around and look at everything or use the ladies while you're waiting for your name to be called Ms. Dragonides!"

That should had been a clue but the instinct to be dramatic coupled with curiosity overwhelmed reason and logic and Goldie nonchalantly circled backwards admiring photos on the wall towards that door. It was after all near the entry to the ladies room and another ... well just a little look thru the door at all that shiny musical bling ... just a look ...

Back at the hotel Sassy and Johahexed had returned from their shopping and seen the open paper with the ad circled lying on the bed.

"oh she wouldn't have ... she couldn't ... she promised1" moaned Sassy.

"Did we remember to include a time clause in her promise to stay in the hotel ... did we?" asked Jonahexed rhetorically as Sassy jumped off the door and charged out the door.

Goldie was in the doorway of the rehearsal door and walked slowly but in a very straight line towards the percussion section and all those shiny lovely music making tools. She sat down and picked up a drumstick. Hands with fingers did have certain advantages over fingerclaws and flippers with velcro like sections. She began to play slowly and delicately at first a section from Tubular Bells and then shifted tempos to some thing operatic and louder and faster. Her temporary hands flew over the instruments from xylophone to bells to triangles and drums and back again becoming a blur of motion and sound and her shape wavered.

She surrendered to the rhythm started a crescendo and the spell binding her to human form failed and then there was a loud crash as she fell off the seat and various instruments landed on top of her.

The hench persons entered the room with nets and a large Goullawk sized box chortling triumphantly and begun to perform the delicate procedure of unentangling a Goullawk while at the same time restraining and binding fingerclaws flippers and flukes.

Just as they finished turning Goldie into something that looked like a very bizarre decorative prop for a SMBD club a motorcycle with a dachshsund in a side car came racing into the room.

"Release that Goullawk" cried Sassy and JonaHexed in twofold harmony.

"and you're going to stop us how ?" snickered a henchman.

Jonahexed opened his coat to reveal interesting objects.

"Let's start with a semi sentient Shuriken I borrowed from a SF novel series!" he stated throwing that with one hand as the other raised a Original guess what Series Phaser set on Stun.

A very short time later they had Goldie half tied and balanced precariously in the side car as JonaHexed with Sassy posed on his lap raced through the studio grounds seeking an unguarded entrance. But Every single entry point was blocked with groups of hench persons smirking besides or behind barricades.

Jonahexed stopped the bike and drew his weapons as armored hench persons stalked closer and closer encircling them.

Sassy decided to try one last thing and screamed to the empty air.

"TAXI!"

JonaHexed joined her both of them calling out "Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!" both hoping their favorite Taxi driver wasn't busy elsewhere.

Lady Fortune was in a good mood and a black old fashioned London cab materialized next to them.

The door opened and a voice with a cheerful but odd cockney accent as spoken by someone using a voice synthesizer that sounded similar to those used by the BBC invited them on board!

"Wotcha ya waiting for?! All'Board Reg's Deluxe Taxi! Now!"



Next time join us for London Calling!

My apologies for this appearing more than a week after the previous post.

Domestic needs and projects cut into my "creative free " time over the Easter break.